Tag: responsibility

The Bystander Effect

The Bystander Effect

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Friday’s Column: Learning From Lehman

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David Chang

In the neighborhood of Queens, New York City, 1964, a young 28 year-old woman named Kitty Genovese was stabbed to death right outside of the apartment building where she lived. The reason this criminal incident is so well known is not because of the murder itself—as shocking as it was. The murder of Kitty Genovese is infamous because of the failure of every single one of the thirty-eight or so bystanders to take action to either stop the murder or call for help. Thirty-eight. Thirty-eight people were reported to have either seen or heard the murder happen, and yet not one person stepped in to help—or even called the police. Thirty-eight bystanders watched or listened on as Kitty’s life was taken from her that day.

This incident later became the foundation for the Bystander Effect or the Genovese Syndrome. Social psychologists Bibb Latané and John Darley, who popularized the Bystander Effect, attribute it to two factors: diffusion of responsibility and social influence. Diffusion of responsibility basically means that the more “bystanders” there are, the less personal responsibility an individual will take on. The reason teachers love small-groups is because it is harder for individual students to diffuse responsibility among a smaller group. It’s also the same reason students don’t like small-groups, because they can’t just hide in the crowd. They have to interact, answer questions, etc. Then there is the social influence, which basically means that you will do whatever the other bystanders are doing—or not doing. In the example of Kitty’s murder, those 38 bystanders saw no one else doing anything. Even though a murder was happening right in front of them, they failed to break the conformity of that immediate circle of thirty-eight people.

How many times have we done this in our faith life? How many times have we told ourselves that we can just hide in the crowd and not have to take action? How many times have we been so afraid of stepping out of line or going against the grain that we fail to live the way we are called to live? Let me ask you, how many times did Jesus step out of the social influence, the conformity of his religious peers, and the diffusion of responsibility among the crowd—to reach out and help those who are in need? He saw them as souls having value, rather than just another outcast of society. Jesus healed the sick and the blind. The blind man at Bethsaida (Mk. 8:22-26) and Bartimaeus outside of Jericho (Mk. 10:46-52). He treated women and children as if they were creations of God rather than some property or second class citizens. He healed them and welcomed them (Mk 5:21-43, Mt. 19:13-15, Lk. 7:11-17). He approached lepers, the ultimate example of social outcasts, and treated them with civility and mercy (Mk. 1:40-45, Mt. 8:1-4, Lk. 5:12-16; 17:11-19). He touched them and healed them, something not even the priests would have dared to do. Jesus subverts our expectations at every turn, and he breaks conformity at every opportunity. He is not paralyzed at the sight of someone in need; he springs into action, and continues to work even today. When we are helpless and in need, our cries do not fall on deaf ears—not as long as Jesus is alive. And he is alive and working today.

We are called to be like Christ, and part of that calling is to break free from conformity and social influence (Rom. 12:2). We are not called to hide in the crowd. Never should our personal responsibility of righteousness and good works be diffused among the crowd. We must not have a “someone else will take care of it” mentality…ever. 

I wonder if there were any Christians among the thirty-eight bystanders who watched and listened as Kitty Genovese was killed. May we never just be another bystander. May we never let evil and falsehood prevail in our presence. I pray that we all will work to break free from the paralysis of the bystander effect, and take action, every one of us, for Christ and his Kingdom.

You know, there is a positive aspect of the Bystander Effect. Just as people are negatively affected by the diffusion of responsibility and social influence, even those can be flipped to have a positive effect. All it takes is a few people to break that social influence, and spring into action. Then the other bystanders will be pulled to spring into action themselves. It is contagious. When those few break out, it breaks the spell of the bystander effect. 

Christ calls all of us to be those few who will break the paralysis. However, we cannot break the conformity while still being a part of the world. We must first break away from the world and become one with Christ through repentance and baptism. Even after that initial step, the job is not done. As a Christian, we cannot just return to standing in the crowd as a bystander. Do not be a bystander; an onlooker; just another body in the endless sea of spectators. Remember that Jesus never froze up at the sight of suffering or need. As Jesus first broke through to reach us while we were still in sin, let us also break free from the paralysis of the bystander, and spring once more into action. 

How Not to Deal With Your Addiction 

How Not to Deal With Your Addiction 

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Friday’s Column: Brent’s Biblical Bytes

Brent Pollard

Robert Aaron Long serves as a vivid example of how one should NOT deal with his addiction. While politicians and activists may seek to politicize the “massage parlor shooter’s” motives, law enforcement is painting the picture of a mentally disturbed man who seeks to justify the murder of others because of his sex addiction. Long evidently has a problem dealing with his lusts. Hence, these massage parlors’ existence, which he patronized in the past, presented such a temptation that he felt it necessary to kill the proprietors and workers of said establishments.   

 

As rationally thinking people, we readily see the problem with Long’s logic. Why would the perpetrator of the violence not turn his anger inwardly? He is the sinner, regardless of who the temptress may be. Would it not have been more effective to actually pluck out his eyes or remove other body parts causing him to sin? At least, one could twist Jesus’ hyperbole in Mark 9.34ff in such a fashion to justify self-mutilation for the sake of entering the Kingdom of God. If you seek to live righteously, would such extremes not be better than taking the life of eight people? 

 

If anything, this incident demonstrates the sad state in which our modern world finds itself. Long knew enough to realize he had a problem with his fleshly appetites. Had no one taught him to “flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart” (2 Timothy 2.22)? Had he pursued righteousness with others calling on God’s name, he would have learned how to “possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor” (1 Thessalonians 4.4 NASB1995). Older Christian brothers could have encouraged Long to exercise self-control (Titus 2.6).  

 

I cannot claim to know the particulars of Long’s home life, but I can inspect the fruit born of contemporary society (cf. Matthew 7.20). These types of crimes result from a nation that has excluded God from the public square. With God’s teachings, one notes that the one accountable for sin is the individual committing it (James 1.13-15). John identifies the three main avenues the world uses to tempt us: “lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life” (1 John 2.16 NASB1995).  

 

The correct application of the passage from Mark 9.34ff mentioned previously is that one takes personal responsibility in removing such influences. In the case of sex or pornography addiction, turn off the television and internet. Avoid the parts of town where more seedy businesses operate. Remove your libertine friends who desire to patronize things like strip clubs and “massage parlors.” As Paul indicates of his daily walk, it is self-discipline (1 Corinthians 9.24-27).  

 

And do not try to tackle addiction alone. Again, we observed that Paul told Timothy to flee lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with other Christians. (2 Timothy 2.22) Addiction is difficult to overcome. The addicted can fall off the wagon periodically. Hence, he or she needs others to help lift them back up. We are mindful of the truth that “two are better than one” (Ecclesiastes 4.9-12). Join this truth with prayer and Bible study, and one can find the necessary strength to overcome. Isaiah reminds us that God gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. (Isaiah 40.29) 

Having seen how not to deal with your addiction, like Robert Aaron Long, decide to take responsibility, purge your life of the evil leaven, ask others for help, and turn to God for strength.  

 

Sources Consulted: 

Pagones, Stephanie. “Atlanta Shooting Suspect Tells Police Attacks Not Racially Motivated, Was Purportedly Driven by Sex Addiction.” Fox News, FOX News Network, 17 Mar. 2021, www.foxnews.com/us/atlanta-shooting-suspect-police-attacks-not-racially-motivated-sex-addiction.  

 

Tired Shoulders

Tired Shoulders

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Thursday’s Column: Dale Mail

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Dale Pollard

It’s common in the age we live in to get stuck on the “daily grind.” We wake up, drink coffee, get dressed, go to work or school, come home at the end of the day, and start all over again in the morning. It’s repetitive and the days can seem to blend together. On top of this monotony, you have your own problems to solve. We’ve got our own responsibilities to keep up with. For some it’s family and for others it’s homework or any number of other duties. This can cause anxiety or depression. Those thoughts that are familiar to so many can creep into our minds. Thoughts like, “why am I even doing this? What’s the point?” Our shoulders are tired with the burden of life. There’s too much going on and we may just want to shut down or sleep to escape the day. The weight is heavy.

So try something. Wake up! When our minds are full of our problems and our responsibilities and everything that’s wrong with our lives and our circumstance, we miss something precious. We miss out on the lives of everybody else that also share this planet. Solve your problems and shake the daily grind by branching out. Strive to achieve selflessness by loving others and showing compassion. Solve your problems by trying to help others with theirs. If I personally have my own problems as a young adult, I know that there are others with problems much bigger than mine. Their shoulders are killing them and they’ve been carrying the weight longer than me.

There are people all around you struggling with the same things or worse. The next time you Tweet, begin to create a Facebook status, or blog, are you about to be another problem for someone else? Or are you about to ease their aching shoulders?

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Walking 10 Miles To Avoid The “Bear”

Walking 10 Miles To Avoid The “Bear”

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Neal Pollard

Spoiler alert: This story does not make me look good.

It was 1984, and my family and I lived in Roopville, Georgia. We were enjoying one of those idyllic west Georgia October days, with temperatures cool enough for a jacket but the sun graciously, brightly beaming. It was a perfect Saturday to explore the woods, which is what my little brother, Brent, and I decided to do. I was 14 and he was 9. My parents owned several acres behind our house, and we boys felt adventurous. In such a mood, I decided I’d like to see how far those woods went, but rightly wondered if Brent was game for such a walk. Therefore, I had to have a ruse. We hadn’t walked too far when there was some noise nearby, and I went to work–concerned face, raised eyebrows, hushed voice, and panicked eyes. “Brent, I think I just saw a bear!” Trusting me to be a legitimate source of truth, he accepted my statement at face value. What was my solution to this sudden dilemma? Brent wanted to retreat back to the house, probably less than a quarter mile behind us. What sense did that make? Far better to keep walking away from the safety of our home deeper into the woods of neighbors and eventually strangers. As every older sibling knows, far too often seniority can trump sensibility. So, we ran from that “bear” for miles and hours. Eventually, our circuitous journey took us several miles south just outside the little town of Centralhatchee. We were gone for most of the daylight hours of that fateful Saturday, and the only credible decision I made that day was knowing we should walk north on Highway 27 to get back home. Suffice it to say, I was not hailed as the conquering hero upon our return that evening. But, throughout that walk, I built and strengthened the narrative that this lengthy sojourn was about escaping the razor-sharp clutches of my mythic bear. I mentioned it so often to Brent that day that it just became easy to tell my parents with such conviction. Under the vise of interrogation, my story unraveled. My punishment was swift and enduring.

I knew better. I wanted this adventure and I wanted company. One needs a calculator to compute the number of bad decisions cascading from my developing prefrontal cortex. But, in my heart of hearts, I knew I was lying to Brent. In time, I believed the lie myself. We survived my harebrained scheme, but my credibility took a hit.

“Honesty is the best policy.” That’s true of character. It’s no truer than for anyone in a position to teach someone else God’s Word. Some teachers themselves are deluded and believe a lie (2 Th. 2:10-12). Others “are false apostles, deceitful workers, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. Therefore it is not surprising if his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness, whose end will be according to their deeds” (2 Cor. 11:13-15). Such an eternal task befalls the teacher (Jas. 3:1). We must be honest with the text, honest with our conclusions, and that starts by being honest with ourselves. We’re leading people somewhere with how we live and what we say we believe is right and wrong. Let’s handle that with care. It’s about both the journey and the destination (Mat. 7:13-14).

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Exceedingly stylish pic of me and the bro a few years before the Centralhatchee Bear Escape.

My Father, From An Early Age

My Father, From An Early Age

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Neal Pollard

My father, from an early age you taught me to be true,
But when I wavered on what that was, I could always look at you.

You taught me how the Lord comes first at work, at school, at play
But how much easier that became when you practiced that each day.

Dear child, I may not perfectly that narrow path traversed
But when you see me fail, dear child, I pray I will reverse

For fathers come, they teach us much, and character is fashioned
By what we think and say and do, by each prayer and passion

Dear Father, help me teach my children to walk in holy ways
But let me do that by my living, I have but a fleeting, few days

May Your lessons, Lord, they come to learn at my feet of clay,
Instill a faith that will survive ’til they get to the Judgment Day.

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LANDMINES IN RESOLVING CONFLICT

LANDMINES IN RESOLVING CONFLICT

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Neal Pollard

“I.” The late Wendell Winkler once said that beneath most marital conflict is basic selfishness. “What about my needs?” “What have you done for me?” “I am not happy, fulfilled, etc.”  The Bible warns of the destructive nature of selfishness (Luke 9:23; Eph. 4:22,24; Phil. 2:3; 2 Tim. 3:2)! One of the most frequent casualties of selfishness is marital happiness. 

“You.” This is really the other side of the conflict coin that blows up progress and growth in relationships. If selfishness is blind to the needs and concerns of the other person, blame and deflection is the total denial of guilt or shared responsibility. “You don’t treat me right.” “Why don’t you pull your weight?” “You are not enough of ‘X’ or too much of ‘Y’!” Accusation, which puts one’s mate on the defensive, is a poor framework for resolving conflict. The very first couple played the blame game, to no avail and with no success. 

“They.” A mirage is “something that appears real or possible but is not in fact so.” We usually think of a mirage in the desert, an optical illusion created by extreme conditions. How often do married couples in conflict see marital mirages? A couple is hurting, and as they look across the burning sand they see “perfect couples” and “perfect marriages.” We are not helping ourselves by comparing ourselves to what is not what it appears anyway (cf. 2 Cor. 10:12). Every marriage is comprised of flawed, sinful people who are constantly faced with overcoming. Whatever you think you see in other couples “is not in fact so.”

“God.” Now, hear me well. God is the answer to all conflict, if we consult Him. Yet, when we blame God or let conflict affect our faith, then our attitude toward God can become a major landmine preventing resolution. “God doesn’t care.” “God isn’t listening to my cries and prayers.” “Where is God when I need Him?” Trials are going to test our faith, but be careful not to give God credit for blame that rests upon us and our spouses. 

The good news is that “I,” “you,” “they,” and “God” can all play a fruitful role in resolving conflict. When “I” am humble and honest and focus on my role and responsibility, good will result. When “you” are treasured, valued, and sincerely loved, things will start looking up. When “they” are reasonably treated as role-models and inspiration, it can be helpful. When “God” is totally trusted and obeyed, there is no insurmountable problem! I wish marriage had no saboteurs or hazards, but the best of them do. Let’s work to avoid triggering them, trusting that God’s pattern for everything, including marriage, gives us the best shot at success. 

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Selling Children

Selling Children

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Neal Pollard

In March of 2007, in Owensboro, Kentucky, a couple tried to sell the woman’s 15-month-old daughter for $3000 and an SUV. The noble purpose behind this attempted transaction was “money to pay off [the boyfriend’s] fines for previous criminal charges.” Surprisingly, they denied the allegations and maintained their innocence, an effort that would eventually be unsuccessful.

How heartbreaking that anyone could act so heinously. Truly, “Children are a gift of the Lord…a reward” (Psa. 127:3). Yet, while they are a gift from the Lord to us, in another sense they still belong to Him (cf. Ezek. 18:4). We cannot sell what ultimately does not belong to us.

What Charles Hope, Jr., and Amber Revlett did in Kentucky was certainly criminal, but they are far from salon among those trying to “sell” their children for one reason or another. In order to give their children popularity, gratification, or material success, some parents are encouraging their children to live a life of sin, worldliness, and selfishness. Secular courts would never convict them, but what they are doing is even more heinous than that attempted by those lowbrow schemers from the Bluegrass State. As Christian parents, we have an obligation to recognize this tendency and not “sell our children” out to anything that could replace their undivided loyalty to serve Christ. We want their hearts centered around Christ and His will (Mat. 6:33).

Let us both teach our children and realize ourselves their intrinsic value as ones made in the very image of God (Gen. 1:27). Within each of our children is a soul, every one of which is more valuable and important than the whole world (Mat. 16:26). May we never do anything that would lead them to exchange their souls. Whatever they gain, they will lose everything! To the extent we, as parents, can influence this, let us do with diligence. God has placed their training and spiritual wellbeing into our hands (cf. Deu. 6:4-9; Eph. 6:1-4).

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A Man Fell

A Man Fell

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Neal Pollard

I was connecting in Dallas for my flight back to Denver and had just come down the escalator from the SkyLink. Around the corner from me, I heard an agonizing cry. At first, I didn’t recognize it for what it was. Then, I heard it again. And again. It was chilling. Walking just a few steps, I saw the source. A very large man was laying face down in the middle of the concourse. He was immobile. Several people were gathering around him, but no one seemed to know what to do. Most had no idea what had happened to him. I feared it was a heart attack and wondered if this was going to be a fatal event. EMTs soon arrived with a gurney to administer aid to this traveler. While I have no idea how this will turn out, what struck me was the looks on everyone’s faces. He was trying to maintain his dignity, but people everywhere around this scene were visibly distraught and felt for this man. They looked fearful or at least concerned. Things like this do not happen every day, to say the least.

Seeing this unforgettable scene made me appreciate the sober picture God has painted for us in His Word about those who are separated from Him. Galatians 5:4 terms it “fallen from grace.” Hebrews 6:6 speaks of some who have “fallen away.” Revelation 2:5 reveals that the Ephesus church had “fallen.” Jesus speaks of some who “fall away” (Luke 8:13). Romans 11:11 speaks of one stumbling so as to fall.  The rich can fall (1 Tim. 6:9), but so can any child of God (Heb. 4:11; 2 Pet. 3:17). Repeatedly, this imagery is used of those who enter spiritual peril. It’s a dangerous position!

How often do I look at the people I encounter every day, who may seem physically fit and strong, but whose sins are not covered by Christ’s blood? Do I realize how dire their situation is? Too often, I’m afraid I don’t. As I looked at this poor, fallen man in Dallas, I thought about his soul. But in those moments, I did not think as soberly about the souls of the concerned onlookers. Statistically speaking (cf. Mat. 7:13-14), nearly all of them had to be traveling the broad rather than the narrow way. Would you help me to see the souls of men in this way, to feel a concern and sense of urgency for them? I know the Great Physician and know that He can help every case! May God grant us the courage to step through the open doors that may spell the eternal difference between life and death!

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A Warm And Welcoming Church

A Warm And Welcoming Church

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Neal Pollard

Once, I received a call from a woman who watched our TV program. She shared her religious background with me, including the fact that she was raised in a church of Christ. While she was baptized many years before, she committed fornication, became pregnant, and had a child out of wedlock. She said that she publicly repented, coming forward to ask forgiveness. While some forgave, one prominent member wouldn’t let her forget her past sins. Ultimately, she left that congregation and soon after left the Lord’s church altogether.

She joined a large denomination in the area in 1985. She gave some interesting reasons for joining them. Reflect upon them for a moment.

(1) She received personal visits from church members.

(2) She was warmly welcomed by many who greeted her when she attended the services.

(3) She was quickly put to use in the church’s works.

Very simple formula, wouldn’t you agree? Some fundamental needs were recognized by that religious group: Approach. Accept. Assimilate. While their doctrine was wrong in vital areas, their practical wisdom was on target! While she traded truth for error regarding their teaching, she sought but didn’t find among God’s people the very things many seek today. None of the things she sought were wrong.

In the church, the main emphasis should be serving rather than being served. But look at what she sought. She sought personal contact from concerned people. The denomination responded. She sought acceptance, not of sinful choices, but of herself—the sinner. She received that. She sought ways to be involved, ways to serve. She was given opportunities despite some physical handicaps that restricted her.

There is much to do, much more than is being done, though we are doing much. Some bare essentials that all of us can be doing is visiting our visitors, making visitors feel like honored guests, and finding ways to include those who become members in the work of the church.

We have opportunities every week that walk through our doors. Are we doing our part to make ourselves a warm and welcoming congregation? People will form lasting opinions about the Lord’s church by what we do to make them feel welcome. Each individual Christian is accountable for visiting (Mat. 25:34ff), accepting (Js. 2:1-13), and including (1 Th. 5:11).  Let us glow with the warmth of Christ! Who knows who we will turn onto the narrow path or who we will help stay on it?

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“My Cat Unplugged My Alarm Clock”

“My Cat Unplugged My Alarm Clock”

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Neal Pollard
A few years ago, the Baltimore Sun wrote an article about the outlandish excuses some people gave for not coming into work. To sample this pathetic pool, there was “my cat unplugged my alarm clock,” “I couldn’t find my shoes,” “my garage door is broken,” “my cat has hairballs,” and “my partner and I need to practice for the square-dancing contest in town today.” But, John Campanelli of the Cleveland Plain Dealer, relates perhaps the most classic excuse I have ever heard. It was related to him by Andrea Barnett, a human resources rep, whose MIA employee gave the excuse that he had been in jail. He had borrowed a friend’s car to get to work, which car was reported stolen by police. He said he was put in jail for possession of stolen property, a car he said had been used in a robbery. This caused the police to grill him about it, which kept him from calling in to work. He eventually convinced law enforcement of his innocence, thus earning his release. Incredible story! Incredibly untrue, Barnett found out when she called the sheriff’s office for whom that was a revelation. Runners up from Campanelli’s article include the man who was experiencing morning sickness due to his wife’s pregnancy or the guy who had to make an emergency visit to the dentist to remove dental floss that got lodged between his teeth getting ready that morning.

Excuses are not confined to employees. Students give excuses for late or incomplete assignments. Spouses and children give excuses to other family members for bad behavior or shortcomings. Leaders give excuses to followers, and followers give excuses to leaders. If we are honest, nearly all of us have been guilty of excuse-making. What we must guard against is perpetually making excuses for failing to do the will of God! Those who make any excuse to explain why they have not become a Christian will not successfully put them past the Lord on the great day of judgment (cf. Acts 17:30; 2 Th. 1:7-8; Jude 15). Christians who needed to publicly repent of a sinful lifestyle cannot expect to be successful standing before that same, perfect Judge (cf. Matt. 25:34-40).

Let us also strive to avoid flimsy excuses we give for lack of involvement or for failure to faithfully attend worship services. On the surface, these excuses may sound good to us. But, if we will step back and try to look at it from heaven’s perspective, it may sound less important and solid. Maybe we have not thought it through, that we are choosing things that are solely earthly, material, and temporary to the neglect of God’s will and purpose. We may need new and different excuses to cover our failures, but will they work in the end? God has placed us on this earth to accomplish His purpose, but if we fritter away our days and years on what will decay and dissolve to the indifference and disregard for heavenly matters what will we tell Him? Whatever we say, will it be less hollow or shallow than the excuses the fine workers of Baltimore and Cleveland gave? Rather than excuses, let us give God our best efforts. Instead of rationalizing why we cannot, let us realize why we can (cf. Phil. 4:13; 1 John 4:19).

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