Tag: social media

Five Ministry Ideas For Member Involvement

Five Ministry Ideas For Member Involvement

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Tuesday’s Column: Dale Mail

Dale Pollard

You must have a plan. If the leadership has no plan to grow, then the members don’t have a path to follow. According to one Gallup poll taken in 2020, 47% of adults are affiliated with a religious group of some kind in the U.S. Those numbers drop even lower after considering the amount of members that make up the Lord’s church. Of that remnant, the faithful are in the minority. Knowing that God is able to help His church grow is one thing, but creating an environment that encourages growth is another. According to Paul, the more streamlined and dynamic we can be in our service to Him, the more growth occurs. 

“…from the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual.” 

  • Ephesians 4.16

So let’s simplify it. 

A growing environment focuses on two areas: 

A. For Spiritual Growth…

  • Have an excellent customized Bible curriculum
  • Focus efforts on the worship service planning 
  • Emphasis on group focused programs (teens, young adult, & seniors) 

B. For Numerical Growth…

  • Plan to grow your staff (outreach minister, youth minister, co-minister/associate) 
  • Look for needs and create jobs/ministries to fulfill those needs by getting others involved. Churches are often stagnant because there aren’t enough outlets for all members to plug in. 

Five Job Ideas For Church Families 

  1. Social Tech Team: Perfect for a youth group looking to get involved in public communications. Facebook, Instagram, church websites, podcasts, YouTube channels, e-banners, PowerPoint slides, and numerous other lights to help your “city” (Mat. 5:14) become more visible. Online presence is crucial and a team of young people seem perfect for that job. 
  2. Scoop Squad: There are visitors who walk in the back door each Sunday and for some reason they aren’t all coming back. What if your congregation had a few folks who have taken it on themselves to seek them out in the crowd and invite them to lunch? To their home? A cup of coffee? These people are soul focused and they’re determined to keep visitors coming back to hear more about Jesus. 
  3. Conversion Crew: Appoint someone with a passion for soul winning to head up a group that’s passionate about training others in the art of conversion. The more capable teachers you have, the more likely your members will invite the lost.
  4. The Howdy Boys: There’s nothing better than a warm smile and a handshake to make your presence in the room feel appreciated. The Howdy Boys (or the Welcome Women?) excel in conversation. They’re extroverts who can make a visitor’s first experience a stress-free one. After all, they get more than a “howdy” from a stranger. They’ll get directions to the nearest child care room, bathroom, classroom, and coffee room. Side note, “Caffeinated Christianity” isn’t a bad Bible study group name. 
  5. Builder Brigade: The question, “where can I help?” isn’t bad unless there isn’t an answer because there aren’t any options. Having a person(s) to help others find where their talents can bring Him the most glory is invaluable. If one were to place membership and then their talents were quickly put to work, the chances that apathy set in go down. Remove that “checklist mentality” by removing the option to simply attend without any responsibility. A team designed to create jobs or help others find their job is an important job. 
Stop Kicking

Stop Kicking

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Friday’s Column: Brent’s Bent

Brent Pollard

The stats are in, and depression and suicide rates are up. For example, 7.8% of all U.S. adults experienced one episode of major depression within the last year. Suicide rates nationally have been up by 30% since 2000, with the most significant surge coming over the last decade.1 Naturally, the pandemic gets its share of the blame for a part of these trends, but can it explain it all?  

I humbly suggest it does not. These problems stem from more than being cooped up in houses and having routines upset. People are more dissatisfied. A poll conducted in 2020 found only 14% of the respondents were happy. 2020 was the first time the percentage dipped so low since the General Social Survey started tracking those numbers in 1972. 2 

Let us consider all the changes ushered in since Y2K. First, social media was born and has brought considerable changes to the culture and how we disseminate information. Who had heard of Twitter in 2005? Trick question. Twitter wasn’t even a thing in 2005. Though there was a Facebook (2004), it still limited who could use its platform. I could not waste my time watching cute cat videos in 2004. YouTube did not roll out user-submitted video streaming until 2005. 

And let us not forget the technological advancements this millennium has witnessed. For example, Steve Jobs’ iPhone gave us “an app for that” in 2007. In 2008, Google gave us the open-source Android OS for smartphones. What kind of internet speeds did you enjoy over a decade ago? AOL was still around in the early 2000s, having people call in over their telephone lines accessing blazing internet speeds allowed by their 56k modems. (Obvious sarcasm there.) It was only a minority that had access to broadband internet in 2005. And can you remember the early 2000s when you started hearing all those businesses you patronized talk about checking out their website?  

How about the state of politics and civil discourse since 2000? “Not my President!” That slogan began in 2016 with protesting against the outcome of the election, isn’t that correct? But, no, people were saying that about President Bush, too, after the whole hanging-chads debacle in the 2000 election. And oh, what noise in the “streets!” Tea Party, Occupy Wall Street, Antifa, Black Lives Matter, MAGA, and Proud Boys. In some respects, we’ve regressed to the tumultuous Vietnam War era of the late 1960s and early 1970s. 

Now, I am aware that correlation is not causation. However, I think that the one wishing to connect the dots can demonstrate how all these things we have mentioned have stoked the fires of depression and discontent. The fake perfection of social media makes people think they are unattractive and have unfulfilled lives. The disinformation and propaganda of the internet arouse our righteous ire against our enemies, foreign and predominantly domestic. And the technology puts all this information in our hands nigh instantaneously. Then, we can easily share our misery or righteous indignation with everyone around us. 

The question is, how do you respond to all of this? I advise you not to react like a particular man from Turkey’s Mersin province when the contagion of Christianity began turning his world upside down. His zeal caused him to persecute the Christian sect. He was willing to dedicate his entire life to Christianity’s eradication, traveling even a great distance to ferret out its adherents living among the populace of a province that was not even his home. Finally, on that fateful road to Damascus, Jesus appeared to this man and made a profound statement. “It is hard for you to kick against the goads” (Acts 26.14 NASB1995).  

What is a goad? There was a time when cattlemen moved their livestock by poking them with a sharpened stick. That sharpened stick was a goad. So, if our man from Turkey, Saul of Tarsus, was like one of God’s cattle on a thousand hills (cf. Psalm 50.10), he was stubborn. Rather than accept the direction of his master’s prodding, he pushed back against the sharpened stick, injuring himself. That is what self-righteousness does. A person can be a crusader for many things, some of which seem very important, but when he runs contrary to the will of God, he only causes self-harm.  

Polls show that the United States has effectively “democratized” Christianity. In other words, nebulous “spirituality” is up while “organized religion” is down. People think they can “swipe right or left” as they do with a dating app when engaging with God. This mindset was becoming ensconced even before COVID-19. I would add that governmental regulation to close our assembly halls during the pandemic and our well-intentioned compliance with them enabled the creation of a “virtual faith” among some of our members. The result is that people have lost the sense of community and purpose that the church provides.3 Hence, people are depressed and dissatisfied. 

Now that fear has subsided, and SARS-CoV-2 is not the killer it once was, thanks to treatment regimens borne amid fiery trials and this virus reaching an endemic state, things are opening back up to pre-pandemic conditions. And people are ecstatic to be returning to a semblance of normalcy. Yet, something is still inexplicably missing. Young people particularly notice it. There is an empty void even with involvement in social issues or opportunities to contribute to a good cause.  

Whether one attributes Blaise Pascal or Augustine with the credit for first articulating the existence of a “God-shaped hole” within us, it indeed exists. Per Jesus’ statement about unclean spirits, we know evil fills an empty void (Matthew 12.43-45). If not “evil,” per se, definitely self (cf. Romans 1.25). If people continue in their self-righteousness and ignore the gentle prodding of the Savior through His Word, they will continue injuring themselves, feeling depressed and dissatisfied. Yes, they kick against the goads. It is time to stop kicking and move forward in the direction He intends.   

Sources Cited 

1    Ronsisvalle, Dr. Mike. “Dr. Ronsisvalle: Depression among All Age Groups Is Swelling; Treatment Is the Best Solution.” Florida Today, Florida Today, 26 Apr. 2022, www.floridatoday.com/story/life/wellness/2022/04/26/professional-treatment-can-save-loved-ones-mental-health-issues/7413927001/.  

2  Associated Press. “Americans Are the Unhappiest They’ve Been in 50 Years, Poll Finds.” NBCNews.com, NBCUniversal News Group, 16 June 2020, www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/americans-are-unhappiest-they-ve-been-50-years-poll-finds-n1231153.  

3  Dallas, Kelsey. “The State of Faith.” Deseret News, Deseret News, 22 Mar. 2022, www.deseret.com/faith/2022/3/21/22981634/the-state-of-faith-american-religion-research-marist-poll.   

Those Who Call Evil Good and Good Evil 

Those Who Call Evil Good and Good Evil 

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Friday’s Column: Brent’s Biblical Bytes

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Brent Pollard

Isaiah 5 is an interesting chapter. Isaiah tells the people how they’ve corrupted God’s vineyard (1-7). Isaiah then outlines Judah’s corruption (8-23). Lastly, Isaiah prophesizes that a foreign nation will punish Judah for her sins (24-30). As Isaiah speaks of Judah’s sins, he includes Judah’s political class in the middle section. It is hard not to think about how many of these sins given for Judah rings true for the United States today. 

Axios, not a news organization friendly to President Trump, hence “progressive,” wrote an article exposing the “relationship” between Representative Eric Swalwell and a Chinese spy named Fang Fang (aka Christina Fang). Fang began “associating” with Swalwell while he was just a city councilman in Dublin, California. Fang raised money for Swalwell’s campaigns for Congressional office. The question raised by those alarmed by Swalwell’s association with Fang, who left the country in 2015 after coming under investigation, is what information, if any, was leaked to China. Despite Swalwell’s assertion that it was not a “romantic” relationship, it is interesting to note that Swalwell’s brother and father likewise maintained social media connections with Fang until the story from Axios broke.  

Swalwell spoke to Politico and blamed President Trump for the Axios story. He says that the only crime committed was that someone leaked information to Axios. Swalwell is silent about whether he had a sexual relationship with the known Mata-Hari-type spy. As one commenter stated during a national talk show, though, it seems unlikely Fang would have “wasted four years drilling a dry hole” (an idiom from the oil industry). When money is involved, there is typically the expectation of something to be given in return. At least one news outlet, since the Axios story broke, has noted how “pro-China” Swalwell has been during his Congressional career. 

One of the signs of Judah’s corruption given in verse 23 was justifying bribery. Note that passage: “…Who justify the wicked for a bribe, And take away the rights of the ones who are in the right!” (NASB) I do not mean to single Swalwell out. Nor do I wish to sound that only those sharing his political affiliation are capable of sin. The problem may well be how Christians view our democratic process. We continuously turn a blind eye to our political class because we are not a theocracy. Hence, we feel that we should stress their secular leadership qualities rather than their moral character. 

The older I become, the more I feel inclined to accept the judgment of brother David Lipscomb about the Christian’s political involvement. For those unfamiliar with brother Lipscomb’s view, he stated that since we are citizens of God’s kingdom, we do not involve ourselves in political affairs. Concerning voting, brother Lipscomb said that we don’t know the will of God concerning who the winner of a contest should be. Thus, to vote against the candidate that God has chosen to fulfill His purpose is to vote against God’s will. It is a complex subject falling within the realm of judgment rather than doctrine, however. While Paul shows us that one may utilize his citizenship rights (Acts 16.35-39;25.11), he did not live in a republic, as do we. Rome had already become imperial. Therefore, Paul was subject to the whims of an authoritarian leader. 

Thomas Jefferson famously stated that he feared that God’s justice could not sleep forever. The context of Jefferson’s words was the institution of slavery. Whether the American Civil War was of God or not, it took bloodshed to deal with an injustice ignored by our Founding Fathers. We might use Jefferson’s words out of their context, though, to warn that our God’s justice will not sleep forever when it comes to our rampant immorality from the ordinary citizen to those in leadership. In many respects, we have become a people who call good, evil, and evil, good.  Woe to us, indeed.  

Sources Consulted 

Allen-Ebrahimian, Bethany, and Zach  Dorfman. “Exclusive: How a Suspected Chinese Spy Gained Access to California Politics.” Axios, Axios Media, 8 Dec. 2020, www.axios.com/china-spy-california-politicians-9d2dfb99-f839-4e00-8bd8-59dec0daf589.html. 

Bresnahan, John. “Rep. Swalwell Says Trump Criticism behind Spy Story.” POLITICO, POLITICO, 10 Dec. 2020,www.politico.com/news/2020/12/08/swalwell-trump-criticism-spy-story-443845. 

Steinbuch, Yaron, and Mark Moore. “Swalwell Mum on Sex with China Spy, but Family Remains Facebook Friends with Honeytrap.” New York Post, New York Post, 9 Dec. 2020, nypost.com/2020/12/09/rep-swalwell-wont-say-if-he-had-sex-with-chinese-spy/. 

Moore, Mark. “Eric Swalwell’s Brother, Dad Finally Unfriend Chinese Spy Christine Fang.” New York Post, New York Post, 10 Dec. 2020, nypost.com/2020/12/10/eric-swalwells-brother-dad-unfriend-chinese-spy-fang-fang/. 

Gertz, Bill. “Security Questions Raised about Swalwell and China.” The Washington Times, The Washington Times, 9 Dec. 2020,www.washingtontimes.com/news/2020/dec/9/eric-swalwells-china-views-raise-security-question/. 

Hearing Protection

Hearing Protection

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Wednesday’s Column: Third’s Words

Gary III

Gary Pollard

Hearing is pretty important. One of the best things about the beach is the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. How many have lost a loved one and, more than anything, just want to hear their voice again? I’ve been told that the sound of birds in the early morning is very peaceful (I wouldn’t know from experience because mornings are for crazy people). We experience and enjoy so much of the world through hearing! 

We usually take precautions while doing something that could potentially damage our hearing. When using some kind of implement like a mower, chainsaw, tractor, leaf blower, etc., we might use hearing protection. If you like to go shooting, you’ll definitely use earplugs or a suppressor (if you don’t mind the paperwork) to mitigate some of the sound. If you work in an industrial environment, chances are you’ll spend most of the day with earplugs in. We take these precautions because we’d like to keep our hearing for as long as we can. 

There’s a lot of noise in our world right now. People are screaming out their political viewpoints and world-views. Hatred on both sides of the political aisle is being shared with as much volume as their respective constituents can muster. Media has given us information overload and we’re very aware of everything going wrong with the world. It’s no surprise to me that so many people in our time are experiencing daily, sometimes-crippling anxiety. The noise we’re experiencing is deafening. 

Our world needs a refresher course on hearing safety, so what follows is merely the essentials. 

First, unnecessary exposure to noise may cause irreparable damage. The greatest hazards are social and news media as they produce the most volume. Many of us are exposing ourselves to the negativity found in these platforms at dangerous levels. Cutting way back on our exposure to these sources of division, anxiety, violence, and hatred is sure to help us avoid damage. 

Second, it’s called “volume” for a reason: lots of voices are involved. We can do our part to prevent damage by simply not contributing to the decibel level. Imagine how much more peaceful our world would be if most people refrained from publicly sharing their opinions! By not contributing to the noise level, we can help ourselves and others stay spiritually and emotionally sound. 

Finally, use hearing protection! It may not be a bad idea to put away any conduits to information for a while. Spend some time with friends and family, spend some time in nature, spend some time being productive around the house, spend some time in a hobby, spend some time in the Word. 

If we follow these three things – avoiding or limiting exposure, not contributing to the noise level, and using hearing protection – we will find ourselves happier, healthier, more unified, stronger, more spiritual, and less anxious. For the next few weeks (months?), let’s use hearing protection and see if our outlook doesn’t improve drastically. 

Proverbs 1:5; 17:4

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Cultivating Your Spiritual Garden 

Cultivating Your Spiritual Garden 

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Friday’s Column: Supplemental Strength

brent 2020

Brent Pollard

Wisteria is beautiful. Despite its beauty, though, wisteria can be an invasive vine if it is not carefully cultivated, becoming genteel kudzu. As I had to go to a doctor’s appointment in Gainesville, Georgia, yesterday, I noted how much wisteria grows around that city. For the most part, it was not managed well. Thus, you would see azalea bushes or maple trees with purple flowers choking them out. However, if you take the time to train the vine, you can make a stunning addition to your garden with wisteria. One popular way of taming wisteria is having it run along an arbor creating a tunneled walkway through the blooms.

 We have other things around us that act a lot like wisteria. These are things having the potential to be something helpful or enjoyable, but which end up being deleterious to our spiritual health because we do not manage them well.

Becoming distracted by doing good is one such type of spiritual wisteria. When Jesus was with his dear friends in Bethany, Martha wearied herself seeking to be an excellent hostess. She asked Jesus to rebuke her sister, Mary, for not helping her prepare. Since Mary was listening to Jesus teach, He said she was doing what was necessary (Luke 10.39-42). It is a good thing to be hospitable. We note that the need to be hospitable is one of the qualifications for an elder (1 Timothy 3.2; Titus 1.8). However, one’s priority is the kingdom of God (Matthew 6.33). Thus, even in having a desire to do a good thing, one may be overwhelmed and end up missing out on opportunities for spiritual growth.

Social media is another type of spiritual wisteria. During this period of social distancing, I’ve noted how many more brothers in Christ are utilizing Facebook and YouTube to put out encouraging and convicting lessons from God’s Word. Congregations are streaming “virtual worship services” for homebound people to participate in. It excites me that we might be seeing the beginnings of the “Third Great Awakening” in the United States as people realize they have ways of expressing their faith which has nothing to do with a building. Even so, I note that with people using social media even more now (if such a thing is possible) it likewise gives rise to a lot of things that ultimately detract from spiritual growth. People are also posting depressing or rancorous things. You still see lewd jokes and double entendres. We need to ensure that our use of social media at this tend helps us to serve as salt and light in this world so God can be glorified (Matthew 5.13-16).

 You may have noted other types of spiritual wisteria I have not included. We want to emphasize that this “wisteria” in and of itself is not a bad thing. It is, rather, that a failure to discipline ourselves allows for this good thing to lessen its value.  You must put forward the effort to properly utilize and enjoy physical and spiritual wisteria. You must do the same thing when it comes to cultivating a beautiful, spiritual garden pleasing to God (cf. 1 Corinthians 9.24-27).

wisteriatunnel

Defeating The Adversity of Loneliness In The Communication Age

Defeating The Adversity of Loneliness In The Communication Age

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Friday’s Column: Supplemental Strength

brent 2020

Brent Pollard

Human connections are necessary. Though stated in the context of needing a mate comparable unto himself, God nevertheless said of man it wasn’t good for him to be alone (Genesis 2.18). Thus, God provided Adam with Eve. Elsewhere, the wise man of God reminds us of the advantages of having companions:

Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart. (Ecclesiastes 4.9-12 NASB)

Hence, even if being around many people wearies our soul, we admit it’s a blessing to have those precious few upon whom we can depend to be there for us when we emerge from our solitude.
Jesus had His close companions. We don’t doubt He loved all those men He chose to be His apostles, but He singled out Peter, James, and John to be His “inner circle.” They were His confidants. It was to these three alone He shared His true glory (Matthew 17.1ff). Peter, James, and John also went further into the Garden of Gethsemane with Jesus as He prayed (Mark 14.32-35). In addition, John refers to himself throughout the Gospel he was inspired to pen as “the disciple whom the Lord loved” (John 21.20). This same passage also shows us that John leaned against the Lord during the last Passover (Can you imagine?).

God never intended us to face life alone. As mentioned previously, God provided the foundation for the family in the very beginning. The family has often been called the “bedrock of society.” Aristotle wrote in Politics that humans organized themselves first in families that birthed villages which, in turn, gave rise to the polis (i.e. city-state).  As we live in a world into which sin was welcomed, we understand people bound to us, even by ties of blood, may betray or abandon us. We see, then, the wisdom of God in giving to us the church.
It’s a sad paradox in a world of virtual, perpetual interconnectedness people feel lonelier than ever. The HRSA reveals that loneliness and social isolation is as bad for one’s health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day! 1 Just type in the words “loneliness epidemic” in a search engine and see what pops up. This isn’t a problem just for our seasoned citizens either. 2 There’s no excuse for the child of God to be lonely, however. Christ instituted the church to be God’s Household on earth (Ephesians 2.19). If we assemble as we ought, we will be stirred to love and the performance of good works (Hebrews 10.24-25). Furthermore, we encourage and build up one another in the church (1 Thessalonians 5.11; Ephesians 4.15-16).
Yes, we’re currently facing a global epidemic not physical in nature. It’s a disease of the heart perpetuated by loneliness, which focuses one’s attention inward on troubles and wants. God didn’t create you to be alone. Dismiss the foolish notion that the church is for the weak and embrace the strength it supplies the lonely heart. You’ll never find an app that can do for you what the church can.

References

1 “The ‘Loneliness Epidemic.’” Health Resources & Services Administration, HRSA.gov, 10 Jan. 2019, www.hrsa.gov/enews/past-issues/2019/january-17/loneliness-epidemic.

 

2 Howe, Neil. “Millennials And The Loneliness Epidemic.” Forbes, Forbes Media LLC, 3 May 2019, 13:21, www.forbes.com/sites/neilhowe/2019/05/03/millennials-and-the-loneliness-epidemic/#77096a8f7676.

 

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“Quit Yer Whinin'”

“Quit Yer Whinin'”

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Wednesday’s Column: Third’s Words

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Gary, with his wife Chelsea

Gary Pollard

I think we’ve all been in the uncomfortable position of witnessing a couple loudly arguing in public. Whether this is at a restaurant, the store, a gas station, or any other public place, it’s downright uncomfortable. Some thoughts going through our minds might be, “Where’s their self-awareness?” or, “They might need to see someone about those issues,” or, “Why here?” We definitely would not want to spend too much time with anyone whose conflict resolution abilities are so classless. Conflict in a relationship is unavoidable and, if handled properly, is vital to the health of a relationship. Poorly managed conflict, though, is sure to destroy it! 

Unfortunately, the world is seeing this more and more. Petty arguments between Christians over matters that have absolutely no bearing on our eternal destination are commonplace. Which Bible version is best? What will heaven be like? What should we wear to worship? Which college should one attend (“that college is liberal/conservative”)? Should we meet in a building or in homes? Should a Christian wear a head covering or not? Should a Christian celebrate certain holidays or not? Should a Christian carry a gun or not? Who should I vote for? 

These are topics I have seen debated in the ugliest possible ways in public forums, whether live or over social media. There is nothing wrong with disagreement handled in a godly way (Matthew 18.15-20). In fact, it can help grow the church because it often brings members closer together. However, when the argument is both non-essential to salvation and is handled unbiblically, it destroys the church. 

If I may be very blunt, this must stop. Our behavior is not only pushing the world away but generations of the church’s own members as well. When a Christian’s blocked list on social media is primarily members of his/her own spiritual family, we have reached concerning levels of dysfunction. I realize that this is not a pleasant article to read, but it is time for us to make a change. 

It is time to stop writing or sharing articles on inflammatory or controversial topics that have no bearing on our salvation. Religious keyboard warriors and trolls need to quit. People of authority and position must stop using their voice to divide and discourage the bride of Christ over non-essential matters (some examples are listed in the second paragraph). We will be held accountable for our words and influence over the body of Christ at judgment. 

When we inevitably find ourselves in disagreement with another Christian over a matter of opinion, we should either handle it privately and with patience and love, or let it go entirely (see Romans 14, I Corinthians 8, Matthew 18, Philippians 1.27, 2.1-5; 2.12, 2.14, 15; 3.17-19; 4.2). Being correct or winning an argument at the expense of peace is not worth losing our souls. This article is just as much for myself as it is for anyone reading this. It is for everyone. 

Around 156,000 people die every day (that’s about 56,000,000 people per year) and most them die outside of Christ. Our time is limited and our influence precious. Our words are among the most powerful tools and weapons ever created. Let us use them well, as they could very well influence someone’s eternal destination – or our own. 

Marriages Secretly In Trouble

Marriages Secretly In Trouble

by preacherpollard ♥ 1 Comment

Neal Pollard

Social media has done us no favors, with the temptation it presents to project happiness and perfection while masking the trials and challenges inevitable for such a long-term commitment as marriage is. Not only can we be guilty of misrepresenting our own relationship, but we can unwittingly put pressure on other couples who see these projections and increase dissatisfaction with their less than perfect and happy marriage. Of course, the answer to this is not to use forums like social media to air the sordid stains on our life’s laundry. But, there is a need for some reasoning and common sense that can assist us in building better marriages.

The University of Wyoming’s Family And Consumer Sciences department has an excellent study by Ben Silliman entitled, “Intimacy Means Conflict.” They begin with a profound, if provocative, statement, saying, “To love may not mean to fight, but it does mean to become close, to care a lot, and eventually to discover differences and disagreements. Those who love much have a better chance of conflict” (click here). This great study includes some common sense suggestions for working through the conflict:

  • Focus on needs, not solutions.
  • Brainstorm possible solutions.
  • Choose the best option. 
  • Make a plan.
  • Implement the plan. 
  • Seek feedback and evaluate both the process and the outcome (ibid.).

He does not overtly come from a biblical worldview. He is not exclusively focused on monogamous marriage relationships. But his counsel is sound and consistent with biblical principles.  Cross-check each of his suggestions with Scriptural guidance:

  • Philippians 2:3-4
  • Ecclesiastes 4:9
  • 1 Corinthians 10:23
  • Proverbs 16:3
  • Psalm 37:5
  • 1 Peter 3:7; James 3:17

The passages represent that the Bible talks about all these methods and approaches, but it does not suggest that this is all the Bible has to say about these. I am convinced the devil would love nothing more than for married couples, beset by conflict and even repeatedly addressing the same issue or issues, to just give up on their marriages. Wouldn’t he love for us to be convinced that we’re the only ones struggling and our situations are hopeless? I know such thoughts are not of God, who urges us to see possibilities even through improbabilities because of His capabilities (Phil. 4:13). 

It’s fatal to a marriage to ignore or be in denial about the things that produce conflict. And it’s foolish to believe that a marriage is doomed because conflict is present. There is no way to achieve closer relationships without negotiating the unavoidable differences between two individuals striving to be a united couple. May I encourage all of us who are married to redouble our commitment to working through conflict in order to reach closer, Christ-centered relationships. 

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The Fight Between The Skunk And The Snake

The Fight Between The Skunk And The Snake

by preacherpollard ♥ 1 Comment

Neal Pollard

Some time ago, I wrote, “I passed by a skunk and a snake, fighting tooth and nail. I didn’t stop and pet either or take sides. I got out of there as fast as I could.” That was metaphorical rather than actual, though I’ve had encounters with each animal individually. My point had to do with some of the “fights” that regularly occur on social media about some of the most unnecessary causes.

The common ground of these posts and articles are their extremely polarizing effect, drawing a multitude of allies and opponents. So often, they relate to matters that, of themselves, will not effect a single person’s eternity (though the poor stewardship of time, emphasis, tone, and attitude might imperil more than a few).

I have been tempted to weigh in on probably a thousand of these spats and civil wars, but I do not. It’s not that I do not have decided views on nearly all the debates. Instead, I try to project myself into the future. Will it expand my influence for Christ for good? What will my comment add to the spirit of brotherly love, magnanimity, unity, and church growth? Will I truly be helping struggling souls? Will it elevate the view of Jesus’ bride in the eyes of the lost, the weak, and the wayward? 

After reflecting, the answer is always the same. I cannot answer that for my interjecting brethren. Nor am I one to avoid preaching or personally discussing matters because they may be unpopular or alienating. However, because social media is more impersonal and lacking in the interpersonal dynamics of face-to-face interaction, we run a much greater risk of being misunderstood. 

Today, controversy can be created in real time. As a good friend of mine put it, “Everybody has a megaphone now.” What really requires courage is stepping out from behind a computer or phone and personally interacting with someone we disagree with in civil, loving discourse. It may not foster page views, mass reactions, and reams of online comments, but in the end it may reach more hearts and minds. 

In our current culture, dividing people into camps against each other is incredibly easy. But is it wise? Is it right (Proverbs 6:19b)? 

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The Art Of Conversation

The Art Of Conversation

by preacherpollard ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Neal Pollard

With conversation, when both are active listeners, you are exchanging ideas. Along with this, there’s body language and tone of voice which give clues to what the words mean to the speaker. You negotiate, reason, affirm or deny, and continue through these patterns while discussing any number of subjects. This process is invaluable to building relationships, working together, and even evangelism. For all its advantages, social media lacks almost all of those dimensions.

MIT professor and psychologist Sherry Turkle, in the book Reclaiming Conversation (New York: Penguin, 2015), makes the case that we are talking more than ever but we’ve lost the art of conversation.  Turkle observes, “From the early days, I saw that computers offer the illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship and then, as the programs got really good, the illusion of friendship without the demands of intimacy” (7).  What demands? Paying attention, building trust, having empathy, and giving thoughtful responses (as opposed to rude, reckless ones). 

I’m not trying to militate against the use of social media platforms, texting, or emailing. But the more we gravitate toward those to do our “communicating,” the less we successfully navigate the more difficult, yet more rewarding, art of conversation.

When we read the Bible, we are struck–from beginning to end–with the pervasive importance of dialogue and conversation. From Genesis one, where we read the Godhead’s conversation, “Let us make man…,” to Jesus’ conversation with John in Revelation 22, conversation is indispensable. Not only did God create interpersonal relationships and the vehicle of conversation to build them, but He models it throughout the pages of Scripture.

This article seeks to inform, teach, and even persuade, but it is only one dimension of communication. One might argue that other forms of communication are not only necessary, but in many cases will be more effective. The snippets and soundbites of social media postings, much more condensed and lacking context, while being pithy and thought-provoking, are no substitute for what happens face to face in the tension, hard work, and unpredictable dynamic of conversation. Conversation necessitates practice, attention, and mental engagement. 

From the dawn of time, God observed that it’s not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18). As suggested by the title of another book by Turkle, Alone Together, we find ourselves increasingly isolated from others and more ill-equipped for building real life relationships. The antidote to that is simple and so attainable.

Let’s engage people more. Let’s resort more to making real life connections and less to hiding behind screens. Let’s look for opportunities to do this with friends, acquaintances, and strangers. Let’s connect more in real life. As with anything, the more we practice the better we’ll get at it. 

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Photo credit: Michael Hite