Tag: relationships

A Road Less Traveled

A Road Less Traveled

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Carl Pollard

Romans 12:19 says, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Getting our own revenge is something that is very easy to do. Our human emotions will naturally push us to take revenge. We want to get even with those who hurt us. We want to hurt those who hurt us. We want to insult them and avenge ourselves. Why? Because if we are honest, it feels good. It feels good to brake check the person that cut us off. It feels good to insult the person that spoke rudely to us. It feels good to take revenge. 

The problem is if we want to build a relationship with the world and with the church, we must leave the avenging to God. We should expect the world to hurt us because it’s driven by sin. The Christian, however, shouldn’t be the same because they are led by God. 

Revenge never ends well. It doesn’t cultivate relationships, it doesn’t build up our influence. It harms our influence, and it shows that we don’t truly trust that God will avenge us. As Christians, God is our avenger. We must be careful to not practice what God has rightfully claimed. By following this command, we open the door to a healthy relationship with those in the world, as well as our Christian family. 

Romans 12:20 continues, “To the contrary (rather than take vengeance, CP), “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Rather than give in to the desire to take revenge, we are to treat our enemies like a friend. Feed him if he is hungry (don’t take joy in their hunger), 

If our enemy is thirsty, give them a drink (don’t taunt them and laugh in their face when they suffer). By doing this, we are acting like God’s chosen. 

Self-control is the basis for many Christian principles. Letting God take vengeance takes a lot of self-control, but ultimately it leads to healthier relationships and opportunities to evangelize to a world that doesn’t know any better. Take the road less traveled, and God will bless us in the end!

Hang Up And Talk

Hang Up And Talk

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Wednesday’s Column: Third’s Words

Gary Pollard

Picture this scene: a group of friends all sitting in a circle and talking. However,
they are not talking to each other, they are talking to a completely different set of
friends. On top of that, they are communicating through text messaging and not through
verbal means. All of this makes me sound like an overly-dramatic old guy, right? I do not
mean this to be a “what’s wrong with our society?!” article. I want to encourage myself
and my peers to think about the consequences of these actions.
Let me clarify something before I continue: I text a lot, and I love it. It is a great
way to keep up with my friends, clarify a time and place for a meeting, etc… I do realize,
though, that there is a time and a place for everything. When you are meeting with your
friends and are there to socialize, that is an inappropriate time to text. It disconnects
yourself from your immediate relationships and erodes your ability to effectively
communicate on a personal level. I have seen this so many times. There are people
who are brutally shy, but get their number and you will never hear the end of the matter.
Texting is creating more socially-challenged people than anything else. We are
losing the ability to talk on a personal level with our age group and adults, too. Ironically,
while trying to keep contact with so many other friends not present, we are damaging
the relationships of those closest to us. No one likes to be cut off in the middle of a
conversation to watch someone answer a text. It shows that the person with whom you
are conversing is not worth your time and attention. What does that do when you are
texting that same person later on? Will you do the same thing to another friend while
trying to converse with that person? It is an endless and confusing cycle that will only
cause damage in the long run. The ability to communicate effectively is vital to
maintaining a meaningful and intimate relationship with others.
So, what do we do about it? Learn conversation etiquette. When someone is talking
to you, do not leave that conversation to start or continue a completely different one with
someone else. If you are around other friends or at an event, do not text. You are there
to enjoy the event and grow relationships with those in the immediate vicinity. When you
are in church, give your time to God. Your friends and Twitter can wait. Your life is
probably not one big emergency, so texting while talking is dangerous. Giving your full
and undivided attention to the one you talk to is going to create a good impression on
them. They will appreciate and respect you for giving them your polite attention. Use
common sense- do you want to be successful in your career? Do you want to grow your
friendships? Hang up and talk! You will not regret it! When your friends want to talk to
you, do not use your phone. Face-to-face communication is what grows a relationship,
not face-to-screen. You will reap the benefits of the respect of others, and I promise you,
your quality of life will improve greatly.
I really do not mean this to be a critical article, blasting the youth of today. I am a
youth, and that would not make sense. I have noticed a problem that seems small now,
but will escalate into something much more serious in the future. I am nowhere near
perfect in this matter, so I challenge myself and those of you in my age group to step up
and be different! Who knows? Maybe we can defy the negative stigma society has
placed on us (and not without reason, either) and change the world. It can all be done
with something as simple as hanging up to talk. (written 12-15-12, as a Freshman at F.H.U.)

5 Buckets For Life

5 Buckets For Life

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Tuesday’s Column: Dale Mail

blond man with goatee smiling at camera with blazer on
Dale Pollard

We would all like to improve in many ways, but many of us are also well aware of the flaws we feel are holding us back. Those shortcomings tend to get in the way, slow us down, or even prevent us from achieving the quality of life that we desire. While there is plenty of room for improvement in my life, I have found that there is a simple way to clearly envision where I am currently, and also plan for where I would like to be in the future. 

It’s true that our burdens often come from our blessings. For example, the blessing of having a car may result in the burden of expensive bills that follow a mechanical issue. 

I believe that there are five major buckets of blessings that we all must give our time and attention to. They are the five categories that, if purposefully tended, help our lives to be wonderful. On the other hand, if neglected, we find ourselves in a head-spinning spiral of worry and anxiety. 

These buckets are: 

  1. Faith 
  2. Mental maturity 
  3. Physical health 
  4. Relationships 
  5. Work 

If one of those buckets isn’t filled with the proper content, the effects, I’m sure you’re aware, are negative. If these crucial categories are filled correctly, our quality of life will only improve. 

God is the Creator of life itself which makes Him the leading authority on the subject. Consider how He can help you in each of the five areas listed here.

Faith 

By denying self, our focus is diverted away from our negative self absorption. Putting God and others first can give you a better, fresh, and positive perspective. 

Acts 20:35

Mental maturity 

When we seek to understand our own minds and what makes us tick, we’ll be able to identify where these negative thoughts and reactions originate. 

Philippians 4:8

Physical health 

Poor health habits like fast-food diets, lack of physical exercise, and sleep deprivation only make dealing with stress all the more difficult. God designed your body to function properly when properly taken care of. 

Luke 1:37 

Relationships 

Every relationship, whether in marriage, friendship, family, coworkers, or the church, all have one thing in common—they were made by God. Thankfully, God wrote a book to help us understand who we are to be to each individual that make up those groups. 

Romans 12:16

Work 

God built us to work— He expects us to. Some choose to be lazy, and they suffer. Others choose to constantly work to the neglect of the four other areas mentioned. There must be a balance, and God knows that. 

Psalm 128:2 

While there’s a lot more to be said concerning these five categories, I hope this simplifies things and helps refocus on what really matters. 

Hopefully, looking at life through His divine lens is a reminder of Who we should turn to for everything. He has given us the ultimate assurance— and He is willing to give us the ultimate assistance. 

Twelve Ultimate People Skills

Twelve Ultimate People Skills

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Tuesday’s Column: Dale Mail

Dale Pollard


Some people just seem to be born with great people skills. Perhaps their personality type just naturally draws others to them. While natural ability may give some a leg up, the great news is that anyone can learn to work well with others and you can develop better interpersonal skills. In fact, it’s really a biblical command!

The church is made up of all kinds of people and that being the case, we must all be in the people business. Thankfully, our Lord doesn’t leave us high and dry to try and figure these things out on our own. Dispersed throughout the Bible we find several sections of scripture that teach us how to communicate, empathize, and get along with others effectively. God’s interpersonal skills cannot be matched. As the Creator, He understands exactly how humans think and behave. Here are twelve insights on interpersonal skills sent to us from above.

1. Speak evil of no one (I Thess. 5:14)

2. A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger(Proverbs 15:1)

3. The wise of heart is called perceptive, and pleasant speech increasespersuasiveness (Proverbs 16:21)

4. Be gentle and show courtesy to all people (Titus 3:2)

5. Do good to everyone (Gal. 6:10)

6. Bear one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2)

7. As you wish that others would do to you, do so to them (Luke 6:31)

8. Discern your own thoughts, identify your intentions (Heb. 4:12)

9. Treat others like you would treat Jesus. How would you interact withHim? (Matthew 25:40)

10. Season your speech with grace. It’s the saviors All-Spice for everyrelationship building goal (Col. 4:5-6)

11. Praise God and be joyful, it attracts people (Psalm 100:1-5)

12.Be ready for every good work, speak evil of no one, avoid quarreling, begentle, show courtesy to all people (Titus 3:1-15)

Notice how many passages in the Bible command us to speak differently than everyone else? All of these insights can be simply summed up in just one sentence. Talk, walk, and live more like Jesus. He was perfect in every way and that includes how he interacted with others. Modeling ourselves after the Savior will not only improve our relationship skills with others, but also with Him.

Jesus also teaches us that no matter how gentle and loving we are, we’ll still make some people upset. That’s alright! As long as we’re acting like the Lord in all things.

A Simple Way To Simply Live Better

A Simple Way To Simply Live Better

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 Tuesday’s Column: Dale Mail

DaleandJanelledirectorypic

Dale Pollard

We would all like to improve in many ways, but many of us are also well aware of the flaws we feel are holding us back. Those shortcomings tend to get in the way, slow us down, or even prevent us from achieving the quality of life that we desire. While there is plenty of room for improvement in my life, I have found that there is a simple way to clearly envision where I am currently, and also plan for where I would like to be in the future. 

It’s true that our burdens often come from our blessings. For example, the blessing of having a car may result in the burden of expensive bills that follow a mechanical issue. 

I believe that there are five major buckets of blessings that we all must give our time and attention to. They are the five categories that if purposefully tended to, our lives can be wonderful. On the other hand, if neglected, we find ourselves in a head spinning spiral of worry and anxiety. 

These buckets are: 

  1. Faith 
  2. Mental maturity 
  3. Physical health 
  4. Relationships 
  5. Work 

If one of those buckets isn’t filled with the proper content, I’m sure you’re aware of the negative effects. If these crucial categories are filled correctly, our quality of life will only improve. 

God is the Creator of life itself which makes Him the leading authority on the subject. Consider how He can help you in each of the five areas listed above.

Faith 

By denying self, our focus is diverted away from our negative self- absorption. Putting God and others first can give you a better, fresh, and positive perspective. 

Acts 20:35

Mental maturity 

When we seek to understand our own minds and what makes us tick, we’ll be able to identify where these negative thoughts and reactions originate. 

Philippians 4:8

Physical health 

Poor health habits like fast-food diets, lack of physical exercise, and sleep deprivation only make dealing with stress all the more difficult. God designed your body to function properly when properly taken care of. 

Luke 1:37 

Relationships 

Every kind of relationship, whether marriages, friendships, family, co-workers, or the church, has one thing in common—they were made by God. Thankfully, God wrote a book to help us understand who we are to be to each individual that make up those groups. 

Romans 12:16

Work 

God built us to work— He expects us to. Some choose to be lazy and suffer. Others choose to constantly work to the neglect of the four other areas mentioned. There must be a balance, and God knows that. 

Psalm 128:2 

While there’s a lot more to be said concerning these five categories, I hope this simplified things and helped you refocus on what really matters. 

Hopefully, looking at life through His divine lens has reminded you of Who you should turn to for everything. He has given you the ultimate assurance— and He is willing to give you the ultimate assistance. 

Monday Through Saturday Relationships

Monday Through Saturday Relationships

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Gary Pollard

We get an interesting glimpse into the life of the early church in Acts 2.44-47. While it is not practical for us to live in that same way, there is one principle that we should examine. The early church spent a great deal of time together outside of their worship on the first day of the week. Acts 2.46 says, “And day by day, they were devoted to the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all of the people.” What’s going on here? The members of the church dedicated time every day to growing in their relationships with one another. To them, “church” was so much more than just showing up for worship every time the doors were open. It was the Monday through Saturday relationships that fortified their faith. 
What was the result of this dedication? “And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved” (Acts 2.47). Are we likely to live for a faith we have not invested in? Are we likely to stand up under trials if we do not have a sense of community in the church? Are we likely to resist temptation without strong ties in God’s family? The early church faced trials we could never understand, yet they remained faithful because of their strong relationships and resulting faith. 
The early church relied on constant contact with one another to help them build their faith. Nothing builds a Christian’s faith more than being around a group of people who want the same thing (to live like Christ), genuinely care for one another, and share a common goal (heaven). 

One Of The Hardest Disciplines To Master

One Of The Hardest Disciplines To Master

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Bulletin Article For Lehman Avenue (7/26/20)

pollard

Neal Pollard

Friendships, businesses, marriages, organizations, and churches all suffer when this fails. There are many more ways to do it wrong than right. But, it is the lifeline of every important relationship, from God to mankind to the smallest child. Here are some suggestions that can help us all improve in it.

C–orrespond. It is not communication if only one side is doing it. At times, we send the message that a person is not important or valued if their email, text, or phone call is not followed up on. Likewise, a relationship cannot be strong where only one side is talking.

O–penness. We may not know how to disagree, correct, or suggest something to someone without fearing that it will escalate, be taken the wrong way, or just be unpleasant. So, we may mask criticisms, feelings, suggestions, or complaints so effectively that the other person is unaware of how we feel. Each of us need to be approachable and reasonable so that others feel free to be open with us. “Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed” (Prov. 27:5). 

M–anage. Sometimes, we fail to communicate (especially by phone, email, or other electronic means) because a person too frequently reaches out to us or consumes a lot of our time. It is important to maintain balance and keep control of our own resources like time and productivity. Most of us have several people and obligations in our lives and cannot let one or a few take up all of our time (Eph. 5:16). 

M–odel. Take the first step. Show others by example how to effectively communicate. Learn and grow, then turn and show. Read the gospels and see how Jesus communicated. He is the great example (1 Pet. 2:21). 

U–nity. “How can two walk together except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3). Communication allows us to know what others are thinking, whether they are in agreement or disagreement. Unity is forged through communication. Division thrives in miscommunication or the failure to communicate. How bound together can homes, churches, friendships, and workforces be where communication is lacking?

N–otice. Some of the best communication occurs when we are tuned in to people. In face to face conversation, observing body language and tone of voice. On the phone, listening for verbal cues and clues. In written correspondence (messages and emails), discerning what the main point is. Communication is at least as much about being an effective listener as it is about getting our message across clearly. Great communicators are attuned to others. 

I–mportant. Good communicators make sure that everyone at work, church, school, home, and the like feel valued. Avoid being selective and making only rich, powerful, pretty, or smart people (as we judge it) feel important. God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34-35). Should we be?

C–ourtesy. How much does it cost to be kind, yet what dividends can it pay in relationships? Being responsive sends such a powerful message. So does being ignored. The Golden Rule is simple: “Treat others the same way you want them to treat you” (Luke 6:31). 

A–dapt. Everyone has their preferred methods of communication as well as those they dislike. Be guided by how others prefer to communicate and try to accommodate as you are able. It’s not fair to expect everyone to communicate with you only in the way you prefer. This is an example of Paul’s being all things to all men (1 Cor. 9:19-22). 

T–imely. Delay becomes disregarded at some point. Procrastination is the thief of time, but also the robber of relationships. We can actually more efficient if we will respond quickly, if possible. If we are prevented from immediately replying, we should make it a priority or we easily forget. 

E–veryone. These rules of communication really apply to all of us, no matter who we are, what the relationship is, or what we do. Some of the busiest people I know are nonetheless great communicators. They have no more time, intelligence, or ability. They realize how vital it is to the overall well-being of their relationships. Christians are in the relationship business!

The Art Of Conversation

The Art Of Conversation

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Neal Pollard

With conversation, when both are active listeners, you are exchanging ideas. Along with this, there’s body language and tone of voice which give clues to what the words mean to the speaker. You negotiate, reason, affirm or deny, and continue through these patterns while discussing any number of subjects. This process is invaluable to building relationships, working together, and even evangelism. For all its advantages, social media lacks almost all of those dimensions.

MIT professor and psychologist Sherry Turkle, in the book Reclaiming Conversation (New York: Penguin, 2015), makes the case that we are talking more than ever but we’ve lost the art of conversation.  Turkle observes, “From the early days, I saw that computers offer the illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship and then, as the programs got really good, the illusion of friendship without the demands of intimacy” (7).  What demands? Paying attention, building trust, having empathy, and giving thoughtful responses (as opposed to rude, reckless ones). 

I’m not trying to militate against the use of social media platforms, texting, or emailing. But the more we gravitate toward those to do our “communicating,” the less we successfully navigate the more difficult, yet more rewarding, art of conversation.

When we read the Bible, we are struck–from beginning to end–with the pervasive importance of dialogue and conversation. From Genesis one, where we read the Godhead’s conversation, “Let us make man…,” to Jesus’ conversation with John in Revelation 22, conversation is indispensable. Not only did God create interpersonal relationships and the vehicle of conversation to build them, but He models it throughout the pages of Scripture.

This article seeks to inform, teach, and even persuade, but it is only one dimension of communication. One might argue that other forms of communication are not only necessary, but in many cases will be more effective. The snippets and soundbites of social media postings, much more condensed and lacking context, while being pithy and thought-provoking, are no substitute for what happens face to face in the tension, hard work, and unpredictable dynamic of conversation. Conversation necessitates practice, attention, and mental engagement. 

From the dawn of time, God observed that it’s not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18). As suggested by the title of another book by Turkle, Alone Together, we find ourselves increasingly isolated from others and more ill-equipped for building real life relationships. The antidote to that is simple and so attainable.

Let’s engage people more. Let’s resort more to making real life connections and less to hiding behind screens. Let’s look for opportunities to do this with friends, acquaintances, and strangers. Let’s connect more in real life. As with anything, the more we practice the better we’ll get at it. 

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Photo credit: Michael Hite

 

How To Improve Your Love Life

How To Improve Your Love Life

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Neal Pollard

  • Even when provoked, endure without complaining.
  • Give your spouse a gift (not necessarily monetary) as an act of kindness.
  • Avoid intensely negative feelings toward your spouse’s success and jealousy over them.
  • Avoid an exaggerated conception of yourself or an inflated ego.
  • Avoid behaving in a way that shames, disgraces, or embarrasses your mate.
  • Don’t be selfish and self-centered.
  • Don’t be easily stirred to anger and irritated toward your mate.
  • Don’t keep score.
  • Don’t derive delight and happiness from the sinful in your marriage.
  • Delight in the things that God promotes and delights in.
  • Put up with annoyances and difficulties in your marriage.
  • Have faith in your mate.
  • Think positively about and anticipate the future with your spouse.
  • Dedicate yourself to standing by your mate’s side, for better or worse, in sickness and health, etc.

No, that does not sound like what the world’s “love doctors” will tell you, but it’s a short summary of the 14 characteristics of love that Paul gives as part of the inspired definition of that word (1 Cor. 13:4-7). The love he writes about is that highest form of love, exclusive, totally committed, totally trusting, uplifting, edifying, unselfish, connected to faith and hope.

When we pore over those qualities and see how God defines it, it leaves us fully aware of the fact that each of us, in our relationships, has so much room for growth and improvement in the “love life” of our marriages. My prayer for each of us who is married that, not just on days like today but every day, we will focus on how we can improve the love we demonstrate in our marriages.

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