She is careful about how she approaches the various duties of the home, which she rules and oversees. She adopts a wise, God-approved character. This leads her to bless all who are in various relationships with her. Husbands do well to approach their duties, character-development, and relationships in the same way.
Neal Pollard
The book of Proverbs ends with an investigation (chapter 31). The writer, whether Lemuel is making observations or passing along his mother’s sage guidance, leads the search. He writes how rare and valuable an excellent wife is (31:10). It is a literary masterpiece, an acrostic poem (each verse begins with a successive letter of the Hebrew alphabet), a chiasm (“a rhetorical or literary figure in which words, grammatical constructions, or concepts are repeated in reverse order, in the same or modified form,” Apple Dictionary, 2.3.0). You would diagram the outline of the chiasm like this: A B C B A. The chiasm was a literary way to show the heart or focus of a specific section of Scripture. It would be readily identified by a Jewish reader, but it enriches our study when we understand that it’s intentionally there. The heart of this poem is verse 23: “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.” The net effect of the kind of wife described here is that it blesses her spouse’s life. That should be the goal of every married person, to raise others’ view of him or her through the righteous conduct of our life. What is the character of the wife described here?
She is prized and praiseworthy (10, 30-31).
Her husband and home are profited by and praise her (11-12, 28-29).
She is a hard worker (13-19, 27).
She is generous with her material things and her wisdom (20, 26).
She is not ruled by worries and fears (21,25).
She dresses her children and house well and she dresses her character well (21-22, 24-25).
Some have used this poem to try and hold up a “Renaissance Woman,” an ideal so unrealistic that no woman could ever live up to her standard. These have had too narrow a view of the author’s purpose. He is trying to demonstrate the kind of approach that a wife, in this context, should take to her role and responsibility. She is careful about how she approaches the various duties of the home, which she rules and oversees. She adopts a wise, God-approved character. This leads her to bless all who are in various relationships with her. Husbands do well to approach their duties, character-development, and relationships in the same way. Society will be benefited from its members taking who they are and what they do more seriously. So will the church and the home.
What a blessing to be married to an excellent wife! There is no substitute for this. How it makes the inevitable burdens of life easier to carry. Let us all strive to be excellent in the role(s) God has given to us!
Jesus quoted Genesis 2 when he said, “That is why a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. And the two people will become one” (Mt 19.5).
That last phrase — ‘become one flesh’ — is extremely cool. Its literal meaning is a polite way of saying, “They will be physically intimate.” In God’s eyes this is the moment a man and woman become One. It’s also why Paul warned so strongly against abusing this gift in I Corinthians 6.16.
But it goes so much further than that. God gives us the ability to develop a transcendent, impossible-to-describe closeness with another human being that rivals anything else in reality. If husband and wife are willing to put in the work, practice selflessness, value each other, and aim for Jesus’s return, God gives you the best friend you’ll ever have.
You’ll know things without having to ask. You’ll communicate without having to speak. Your lives will — in many literal ways — become One. You’ll have a closeness with someone that defies any ability to describe it, a relationship that you’ll value above anything else. Life’s problems become so much smaller when two peoples’ souls merge.
And this is how we get to experience marriage after humanity’s fall! I am thankful for marriage because God gave us a way to have a connection with someone else that’s almost spooky. The world will always be chaotic. We’ll often have reminders of how stinky this life can be. We’ll experience grief, anger, happiness, peace, anxiety, chaos, and everything else — but as two who became one. Marriage is a tangible proof that God loves us and wants only what’s best for us.
A strong marriage is the most powerful weapon we have against our enemy. It’s the most fulfilling aspect of being alive. It gives us the potential to become something far greater than we could achieve alone. It’s grounding, inspiring, sustaining. It makes us stronger, it models forgiveness, it shows how powerful real love is.
God gave us a lot of cool stuff — marriage is by far the greatest physical blessing of them all. It merges our limitations with some of the transcendent and gives us a glimpse into what new life will be like. Thank God for marriage!
We wall ourselves in and keep others out, In fear that our struggles will be known, We let Satan attack us and thrash us about As we struggle, feeling all alone “No one can know of my weakness or sin, My worries, insecurities, or fears, Or I’ll feel less than others, I’ll lose, they will win, So I’ll languish in secret sorrows and tears.” Why do we believe this biggest lie That being known we won’t be loved and embraced ? Others are perfect, together, why try To share what will make us disgraced. Who wants us to hide in humiliation To isolate ourselves from each other? Isn’t the devourer, who in his degradation Makes us hide from our sister and brother? Or our spouse, who we need to help us overcome We must not run away from the flesh of our flesh! Or hide or withhold, in any part or sum From our helpmeet with whose heart we should mesh. Alone we are vulnerable, fodder for Satan We must come out of the shadows into light, Lean on His family, there is no debating Be transparent before Him, it’s what’s right!
Perhaps two kings most epitomize how bad the northern kingdom (Israel) was. The first symbol of their spiritual rottenness was Jeroboam. His legacy lives at the end of each successive king’s biography. Their epitaph all point back to him: “For he walked in all the way of Jeroboam the son of Nebat and in his sins which he made Israel sin, provoking the Lord God of Israel with their idols” (26). His influence stained all the rest of them. The second symbol was Ahab, who we are introduced to in 1 Kings 16. His life is summed up starting in verse 30: “Ahab the son of Omri did evil in the sight of the Lord more than all who were before him.” The writer then goes on to elaborate with details before summarizing, saying, “Thus Ahab did more to provoke the Lord God of Israel than all the kings of Israel who were before him” (33).
What makes for a man like this, able to stand out in an already wicked environment?
HAVE A CULTURE OF VIOLENCE AND DIVISION. The entire nation divided in Rehoboam’s reign, and the root cause was sin (ch. 11). Now, for the second time, a dynasty is supplanted by murder and overthrow. This time, not only is Zimri killed, but there’s a division between two factions–Tibni and Omri. Omri prevails and Tibni dies. How old was Ahab as all this took place? The Bible does not say. But, the victories of his father were surely retold as he established himself on the throne.
LIVE IN A HOME WHERE SIN IS SERVED. Ahab’s father held the ignominious distinction of doing evil in God’s sight, one who “acted more wickedly than all who were before him” (25). He learned from the “best” at being the “worst.” No wonder Ahab went even further and lower. He was mighty. He built the city, Samaria, which became the capital of Israel. But God’s focus was on his disobedience and idolatry. That was the cradle where young Ahab was nurtured.
MARRY FOOLISHLY. The writer makes a statement to the effect of, “And if that wasn’t enough…” He says, “It came about, as though it had been a trivial thing for him to walk in the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, that he married Jezebel the daughter of Ethbaal king of the Sidonians…” (31). Even modern, secular people know the name “Jezebel,” synonymous with being wicked and ruinous. She was as toxic an influence as the equally infamous woman who was Samson’s foil: Delilah. Through her influence, Ahab descends more deeply into deviance and deplorability (cf. 21:25).
Isn’t it remarkable how the more things change, the more they stay the same? What three factors do more to shape our direction and influence our eternity than our culture, upbringing, and marriage? All of these can be overcome, but usually they aren’t. Under Christ, the church and evangelism are the divine countermeasures. God’s Word is the guide that can lead us from such darkness into heavenly light. They can lead to a turnaround. We cannot choose the behavior of the culture or the home environment we are raised in. But we can change the future, if we know better and do better. Sadly, Ahab would succumb to all three influences, and others paid the price.
An interesting postscript is found here. During Ahab’s reign, a man named Hiel rebuilt Jericho. When Joshua and the people conquered and destroyed the city, he man an oath cursing any man who attempted to rebuild it. He warned that anyone who did so would pay with the life of their oldest and youngest sons (Josh. 6:26). Hiel’s ignorance of Scripture cost him dearly (34). Maybe this is more than a historical aside and footnote. What does this story have in common with the larger downfall of Ahab, Omri, and their predecessors? Their moral and spiritual failure was due to ignoring God’s Word. As a prophet would soon say, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge, I also will reject you from being My priest. Since you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children” (Hos. 4:6).
Everyone on earth was intentionally designed by God. This fact should help us to remember that every person we meet is an opportunity to serve someone made in the image of God.
God created us by making a deliberate choice to design us based on what He desired. Basically, who we are is no mistake. Who we are is intentional. Who we are is by design.
Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Both men and women are equally created in the image of God. Not just male, or just female; both are created in His image.
Nothing else on earth can be what we are. God intentionally designed us this way, and that means we matter to God! Men and women were created to be a reflection of the community God has had from the beginning. Complementary in function and design, equal in value, and created to create.
God could have made a fresh batch of humans each time one died. God could have made us like self reproducing amoebas. Instead, God designed humans to multiply and fill the earth. He designed us for community. There would be a lot less division if we would remember this.
Though he designed us perfectly, our decision to reject God’s path brought brokenness into this world–affecting bodies, gender relationships, and even the ability to have healthy families. But God loved the world. He desires for all people to know him because all are equally valuable in his sight.
So God sent his son into the world. Jesus was the perfect image of the invisible God. As we saw Jesus’ perfect love, we learned of God’s perfect love and nature. He died to create a family, a spiritual family made up of every age, race, and culture and a family formed into a church who is like his bride (A bride he died to save so that we could be united with Him for all eternity).
May we never forget that we are the product of intentional design. A design created by Almighty God!
With so much moral confusion and corruption among the Corinthians, Paul had his hands full in addressing the various complications that arose in this congregation. Having already dealt with incest, homosexuality, fornication, and even spouses depriving one another, he moves on to another complicated matter. What do you do when your non-Christian spouse wants to abandon the marriage? What are your rights and restrictions?
Unfortunately, some have interpreted 1 Corinthians 7 as a passage giving one an additional “exception” to the Lord’s rule in Matthew 19:9 (this belief is often called “The Pauline Privilege”). Is Paul adding to the Lord’s teaching on marriage, divorce, and remarriage? If one’s spouse “deserts” them, is he or she free to remarry?
First, notice that Paul begins by reviewing just what the Lord said during His ministry (10-11). He signifies this by saying, “But to the married I give instructions, not I but the Lord….” (10). In other words, Paul reviews what the Lord taught as recorded by Matthew (19:1-12). It is a summary of that passage. Keep in mind that anything Paul subsequently says cannot contradict what the Lord taught in His ministry on the subject. Everything Paul says here must be understood in the light of how he begins–“stay married, but if you divorce, remain unmarried or be reconciled to the husband you divorced.”
Second, notice that Paul is dealing with something the Lord did not address in His earthly ministry. That’s what Paul means when he says, “But to the rest I say, not the Lord…” (12). Paul addresses an apparent concern for Christians in a pagan society like Corinth (our nation would be a lot more like Corinth than Jerusalem!). Paul delves into what a Christian ought to do who is married to an unbeliever. He begins with the scenario that the unbeliever is okay with staying married to the Christian. In that case, there is nothing to do. Do not leave them if they want to remain married (13-14).
Then, he discusses a scenario where the unbeliever is not okay with staying married to the Christian. A spouse would then be in a quandary, deciding whether or not to stay with Christ or choose the unbelieving mate (15). Paul is saying, your duty to your husband does not outweigh your duty to Christ. If they force you into that choice, choose Christ. Some try to make the word “bondage” in this verse refer to the marriage bond, believing Paul to say you are free to remarry. Paul is using that word throughout this paragraph to speak of being enslaved, not to speak of being married (“bondage” is found in eight New Testament verses; the other seven–Acts 7:6, Rom. 6:18,22, 1 Cor. 9:19, Gal. 4:3, Ti. 2:3, and 2 Pet. 2:19–all mean “to make someone a slave”; that’s what Paul is saying here. Paul uses the word for “marry” several times in this chapter, a different word with a different meaning altogether).
Third, understand the rest of this paragraph in light of what Paul has already said. He is not allowing people to do something which, as he has already pointed out, the Lord explicitly forbad. His words in 1 Corinthian 7:15-24 do not give a person an additional reason to divorce and remarry. Paul is illustrating with the circumcision analogy what he has just taught in verses 13-14.
There is nothing in this context or any other passage that teaches that non-Christians who obey the gospel and are in an unscriptural marriage can remain in that condition. He is simply using multiple means to make a singular point: “Do not become enslaved to man’s will because you belong to Christ.” Do not choose your spouse over Christ. If they threaten to leave you if you don’t leave Christ, you must stay faithful to Christ.
Sin brings complications. No relationship must be honored or prioritized over Christ. When a Christian is married to a non-Christian, he or she is to do everything possible to win the non-Christian spouse (cf. 1 Pet. 3:1ff). As Paul says, ” For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?” (16). That’s the ideal. But in less than ideal situations, always choose Christ!
The book of Proverbs ends, in chapter 31, with an investigation. The writer, whether Lemuel is making observations or passing along his mother’s sage guidance, leads the search. He writes how rare and valuable an excellent wife is (10). It is a literary masterpiece, an acrostic poem (each verse begins with a successive letter of the Hebrew alphabet) and a chiasm (“a rhetorical or literary figure in which words, grammatical constructions, or concepts are repeated in reverse order, in the same or modified form,” Apple Dictionary, 2.3.0). You would diagram the outline of the chiasm like this: A B C B A. The chiasm was a literary way to show the heart or focus of a specific section of Scripture. It would be readily identified by a Jewish reader, but it enriches our study when we understand that it’s intentionally there. The heart of this poem is verse 23: “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.” The net effect of the kind of wife described here is that it blesses her spouse’s life. That should be the goal of every married person, to raise others’ view of him or her through the righteous conduct of our life. What is the character of the wife described here?
She is prized and praiseworthy (10, 30-31).
Her husband and home are profited by and praise her (11-12, 28-29).
She is a hard worker (13-19, 27).
She is generous with her material things and her wisdom (20, 26).
She is not ruled by worries and fears (21,25).
She dresses her children and house well and she dresses her character well (21-22, 24-25).
Some have used this poem to try and hold up a “Renaissance Woman,” an ideal so unrealistic that no woman could ever live up to her standard. These have had too narrow a view of the author’s purpose. He is trying to demonstrate the kind of approach that a wife, in this context, should take to her role and responsibility. She is careful about how she approaches the various duties of the home, which she rules and oversees. She adopts a wise, God-approved character. This leads her to bless all who are in various relationships with her. Husbands do well to approach their duties, character-development, and relationships in the same way. Society will be benefited from its members taking who they are and what they do more seriously. So will the church and the home.
What a blessing to be married to an excellent wife! There is no substitute for this. How it makes the inevitable burdens of life easier to carry. Let us all strive to be excellent in the role(s) God has given to us!
Rebekah urged her son to flee to Haran (27:43), and he arrived in “the land of the sons of the east” (1). Jacob is looking for his mom’s brother, Laban, and he encounters his shepherds tending his thirsty flocks (2-8). Laban’s daughter Rachel, a shepherdess herself, is also with them (9). Jacob assists them by rolling the stone from the well (10). He introduces himself to Rachel, kissing her and telling her their connection as cousins (11-12). Rachel runs back and informs Laban of Jacob’s arrival, news which his uncle welcomes (13-14). Laban extends hospitality to Jacob for the next month while Jacob presumably already begins to work for Laban (14-15).
We have already received glimpses of character traits in Laban that are on fully display in Genesis 29. As mentioned previously, Laban was not a stranger to materialism (24:29-31,53). He is always presented by implication as a man striving to get the upper hand or advantage. He is wily enough to win out over a conniving character (Jacob), but he would meet his match with God at a later point (ch. 30).
When Jacob saw Rachel, he was very attracted to her. We do not know how impressed he was with her personality or spirituality, “but Rachel had a beautiful figure and a lovely face” (17b, NLT). Leah was comparatively plain (17a). There is no doubt to anyone, certainly Laban, that Rachel was the one he desired. Moses highlights this by speaking of Jacob’s “love” for Rachel three times over the next several verses (18-30).
But, Laban lies to Jacob. He exacts seven years of work from Jacob for the promise of Rachel, then promptly sends Leah into his tent on their wedding night. Jacob unwittingly sleeps with her in the dark. The next morning, he is enraged at being tricked and expresses as much to Laban (25). Laban’s excuse is that their local custom was to marry the eldest daughter before marrying a younger daughter. He gives Rachel to him that week, but requires him to work seven more years for her (28-30). You wonder how many times Jacob considered the irony of being treated the way he treated his brother Esau.
It is interesting to see God’s tender feelings for the spurned Leah. Verse 31 says, “When the LORD saw that Leah was unloved, he enabled her to have children, but Rachel could not conceive” (NLT). Leah gives him four sons, Reuben, Simeon, Levi, and Judah. Each name symbolized her triumph is the spousal war with her sister. Reuben means “see, a son,” Simeon means “unloved” or “hated,” Levi means “attached,” and Judah means “praise the Lord.” Interestingly, the Savior of the world would come through the lesser loved Leah than the physically more beautiful Rachel.
So many departures from God’s will marked this entire interaction. The polygamy, the deception, the selfish desire, and more. Yet, God’s overarching providence was at work accomplish His will. Jacob is being refined and tested, and we will see the growth and progress. But, we leave him in this chapter working through a domestic boondoggle!
It’s a new year. For many it’s an opportunity at a new beginning – a fresh start, a second chance. I want to begin tonight with a lighthearted story about how a couple of second chances helped me.
When I was about 5 or 6 my older brother unintentionally tried to kill me, at least twice. The first time, we were outside playing, and we found these large bushes, pokeweed. These plants and the berries are poisonous, but we didn’t know that. I read that if you cook the leaves and berries properly, you can eat them. However, what you shouldn’t do, especially as a small child, is convince your younger brother to eat a handful of these berries. I googled for curiosity’s sake how many berries were dangerous, and it said that as few as 10 would make the average adult sick with all kinds of symptoms or some reports even said death. We went to the house and my mother knew exactly what I had done, the evidence was smeared all over my hands and my face. She called poison control, and they told her to give me this syrup that would make me sick to my stomach and I’d throw up the berries. Sure enough about 45 mins later – no more berries.
The second time was a little more serious. We had this storage building out back, it had a small lean-to shed on the back side. One of the sides was perfect for climbing on. Since we were expert climbers my brother had the idea – let’s get up on that roof so we can see everything better. We shimmied our way up the side and made it up onto the roof. If that had been the end of the story that would’ve been great…but wait, there’s more. My brother noticed something coming from the side of the building. He was referring to the electrical service, and the power lines that were coming off the pole and into the side of the storage building. “I wonder what happens if you touch those?” Listen guys I’m smart it just hadn’t kicked in yet. So yeah, I walked over and grabbed them and believe me when I say they grabbed me right back. I’ve told this story 100 times and everyone seems shocked and surprised, but I can assure you, not nearly as much I was!!
Second chances are given to us all the time and come in a variety of ways. They happen in our everyday lives, our careers, our marriages, relationships with our families our friends, and our relationship with God. God gives us second chances because he loves us, and he knows us and knows we need them.
God is a God of second chances. Throughout the Bible we study about people who have sinned or made mistakes, altered their courses in life but are still given a second chance by God.
1. For example, Jonah had fled from what God had commanded him to do yet was given a second opportunity to go to Nineveh and spread His word to the people. (Jonah 3:1-10).
2. David was a man after God’s own heart, yet he turned away from Him when he committed adultery with Bathsheba, had Uriah killed, then his son died because of the evil he had done (II Samuel 11 and 12) but still God loved him, and he was a great king.
3. Rahab was a prostitute. She didn’t live a wholesome life, but she changed the course of her life when she did something for good. She hid the spies in Jericho. When the city was destroyed, she was rewarded. Only she and her family were saved. (Joshua 6:22-23)
4. Paul once was a persecutor of Christians (Acts 8:1-3). He was converted into a Christian and baptized (Acts 9:18). He became one of the most influential missionaries, authors, and apostles of the first century.
5. Onesimus was once deemed useless. After being given a second chance Paul describes him as beloved servant, and brother to him. He was willing to do anything for him, even pay his debts. (Philemon 11-17)
The list could go on and on. The point is that God’s love, his mercy, and by His grace through faith, we can all be saved (Eph. 2: 4-8). God forgives our sins and gives us a fresh start. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (I John 1:9) Every day we wake up is another chance to make changes. God’s steadfast love never ceases, his mercies never come to end, they are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22-23)
As important as it is that we don’t forget about God giving us second chances, Let’s not forget we are to extend second chances to others. We all have family, friends, coworkers, even sometimes church family that we don’t always see eye to eye with. We don’t need to settle for division, we need to strive for unity. (1 Peter 3:8) As Jesus taught, we are to forgive others as we have been forgiven (Matthew 6:14-15). We are also encouraged to show kindness, love, and grace to others – just as God has shown us (Ephesians 4:32).
God’s second chances are such a blessing to us. We need them, he knows that we do. He’s not a mean God, “He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve, or repay us according to our iniquities” (Psalms 103:10). He doesn’t want us to fail, but second chances aren’t meant to be free passes for us to keep returning to sin. (Romans 6:23) “ For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” He sent his son to die for us so that we could have as many chances as we need to make things right and grow closer to him before its too late.
Each new morning the sun rises, God is giving us a second chance. A chance to improve our lives, mend broken relationships, work on those New Year’s resolutions – that I hope we haven’t already broken. This year let’s not squander our second chances, but instead savor them. Let’s make the most of those opportunities to do good, to do things that glorify God, and that will help us walk closer to him. If 2023 just wasn’t the year for whatever reasons, then begin this year on the right foot. Let 2024 be your second chance.
You may had heard once about the couple archaeologists dug up in an excavation in Rome, Italy. They found the bones of a couple who would have possibly lived before Noah, but how they found them was most unique. The skeletons were found in embrace, suggesting especially to the sentimental the profoundest expression of love and togetherness possible (source here).
Who knows what it truly means, who they were, and if they were even husband and wife? Yet, I would like to think that they were a couple so close and whose lives were so intertwined that their repose in death was symbolic of how they were to each other throughout life. We certainly need good role models, wherever we can “dig them up.”
Society does not do so much to encourage married people staying together. In fact, infidelity and fornication are idolized character traits. Those who stick together through thick and thin are portrayed as foolish or at least boring. Yet, God laid out a blueprint for the whole that includes a bond much stronger than an embrace for couples staying together (cf. Gen. 2:18-24; Mat. 19:3-9; 1 Pet. 3:1-7; etc.). The Lord’s church needs men and women who are committed to staying together, to building healthy, happy and close marriages. Societies, to long endure, need such values embraced and encouraged. You, if you are married, need to rededicate yourself to your spouse each day, finding ways to stick close and reasons to stay together.
There are plenty of great examples of godly parenting in the Bible, but there are just as many (if not more) examples of poor parenting. Tompkinsville, where I preach, is blessed to have several parents who are taking Proverbs 22.6 seriously and that’s something we shouldn’t take for granted. Perhaps no other Christian responsibility has the potential to build His kingdom and make the kind of impact like our responsibility to train and teach the next generation to love Jesus.
“How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.”
Psalm 119.9
There’s an unlimited amount of opinions and advice out there on the subject of parenting, but there’s something more meaningful about receiving it from faithful parents who have been successful.
Here Are 3 Pieces of Advice From Godly Parents
1. Children Need To Know That Marriage Isn’t Your Number One Goal In Life
“Our goal in life is to praise the God of glory. Too many young people become so enamored with the thought of getting married that they neglect to devote themselves to the service of God. They miss out on the joys of mission work and service because they are too concerned with finding their next date. Focus on God and (to utilize Jesus’ words) “all these things will be added to you,” because you will be surrounded by the kind of people who are worth marrying.”
2. Our Commitment To Christ Isn’t A Part Time Job
“An excuse is a skin of a reason stuffed with a lie. While under the Old Law Moses allowed a year off from marriage (Deut. 24.5) Jesus made it clear that all Christian parents can’t make Him their part time Lord (Lk. 9.57-62). Replace any excuse with an exertion of effort to glorify God, because excuses ring hollow in the ears of the divine.”
3. Model The Kind Of Person You Want Your Children To Be
“Being a parent should make you think about your every move. Your immature inclinations should take a backseat when the what you model before your children can have eternal ramifications. Just be godly.
Stand up for God.
Talk about God.
Have the courage you’d like your children to have.
Show them how it’s done.”
A sincere thanks to,
– Brett Petrillo – Hiram Kemp & – Ben Shafer
For their continual example of faithfulness, work in His kingdom, and their helpful insights on godly parenting.
Yesterday marked thirty years of marriage to a woman I met when she was still technically a “girl” almost 32 years ago. God has blessed her with extraordinary beauty and youthfulness, but He has blessed me by her in ways far deeper than that. She constantly encourages my spiritual growth, helps me read my spiritual compass, and drives me to be closer to God and do His will better. This is not only a daily benefit I enjoy in marriage, but a benefit I typically enjoy throughout each day! Yet, she is also fun-loving, has a great sense of humor, and loves life and people profoundly. I could not have asked for a better mother for my children, and I could not have dreamed for a better companion to travel life’s road with.
Paul indicates that God created the marriage relationship to illustrate the relationship Christ would have with the church (Eph. 5:22-33). That’s profound! The Author of the most intimate relationship on earth wants us to learn and grow through this transformation connection we call marriage. He teaches us vital truths throughout His Word that we grasp and understand to our great benefit. Consider a few of them.
“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband” (Prov. 12:4a).
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22).
“House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord” (Prov. 19:14).
“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Prov. 31:10-12).
““You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride; You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes, with a single strand of your necklace. How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than all kinds of spices” (Song 4:9-10).
“So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself” (Eph. 5:28).
“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Col. 3:19).
“You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Pet. 3:7).
I am impressed with how much God honors and upholds marriage. He invented and instituted it (Gen. 2:18-25). It was His sweetest gift to humanity, second only to the sacrifice of His Son for our sins! He has given us an instruction manual to help us navigate the many ups and downs that are a part of it. It can bring us some of life’s most difficult and excruciating moments. But undoubtedly, it will give us some of the sweetest, most memorable, and sustaining moments, too.
So much happens in three decades of life, especially in the marriage context. While it seems like just a moment ago that we stood before my dad in Manchester, Georgia, that Friday afternoon, seeing three grown, married children and some inevitable physical changes in the mirror tells me more time has passed than it seems. In the treasure chest of my heart, there are so many memories and events over the span of those years. Invariably, right there in my mental picture of them all is the sweet, pretty face of that blonde, witty, and intense beauty who grounds me, balances me, and pushes me to be my best me.
It scares me to think about where I would be without her. It humbles me to think she chose to spend her life with me. It blesses me to think that, as the Lord wills, I get to do life with her today and for as many days as He gives us together. Thank God for the blessing of marriage! May I bless my Kathy as she has blessed me!
For the next several weeks, I’ll be repeating the book of I Peter in present-day terminology. It’s not a true translation of the book, as I am not qualified to do so. It will be based on an exegetical study of the book and will lean heavily on the SBL and UBS Greek New Testaments, as well as comparisons with other translations (ESV, NASB, NIV, ERV, NLT). My goal is to reflect the text accurately, and to highlight the intent of the author using concepts and vocabulary in common use today.
This is not an essentially literal translation, and should be read as something of a commentary.
I Peter – Part VII
While we’re on this topic, wives must listen to their own husbands. If your husband doesn’t believe, maybe you’ll win him over with just your good example! You wouldn’t even have to say anything. Pure and respectful behavior speaks volumes. Don’t obsess over your physical appearance or fashion. Show off who you are inside! A gentle, easy-going demeanor is timeless; it’s also extremely valuable to God. Remember the women lived a long time ago? They were considered special because God was their hope, just like he’s your hope. They also expressed their beauty by deferring to their husbands. Sarah did that for Abraham – she considered him to be her leader. You are just like her when you do the right thing without being afraid of anything.
Husbands, you’re not off the hook. You share a living space with your wife, so you have to be a student of her needs and wants. Don’t treat her like one of the guys. Remember the differences between men and women. Don’t be rough with her. Make sure you show her how valuable she is! She has just as much a claim to God’s promise as you do. If you aren’t good to her, God will block your prayers.
Finally, you all need to work together. Show sympathy to each other. Be kind to each other. Don’t think too highly of yourselves. Don’t insult people who insult you. Don’t get even with people who hurt you. Do something good for them instead! That’s actually why God called us, and he wants to do good for us, too. You’ve read, “Anyone who wants to live a good life should watch their mouth. They should avoid evil and do good things. They should look for peace and chase it. God watches out for good people and listens to their prayers, but he’s against people who practice evil.”
Who’s going to hurt you if you’re obsessed with being good to people? Even if someone hurts you because of your faith, you’re ok! Don’t be afraid of their threats, don’t let it shake you up. Put Jesus in the center of your heart at all times. Have a logical answer ready whenever you’re interrogated for your faith. Tell them about your hope, but make sure you’re gentle and respectful. Make sure your moral lives are good so they can’t legitimately attack your character. If you’re doing the right thing, they’ll answer for how they treat you. It’s better to be attacked for doing the right thing than for doing the wrong thing.
What is submission? There are many who hear this word and think of weakness. They believe that if you are submissive, you’re at the bottom of the food chain. Is this really the case?
The Bible uses this word in several different passages, and we will take a look at these verses in depth and figure out the true definition of submission.
The original word comes from the Greek, hypotasso, which can be used several different ways depending on the context in which it is used. The first definition is “to cause to be in a submissive relationship” and the second is “to become subject, subject oneself” (BDAG). With these definitions in mind, let’s notice how scripture uses this word.
James 4:7: “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” Who must submit? Everyone. Who are we submitting to? God. What is the outcome? The Devil will flee. In this text, submission is the act of putting God in charge of our lives. In doing so we no longer chase after sin and Satan will flee from us.
Col. 3:18: “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” Who must submit? Wives. Who are they submitting to? The husband. For what reason? God has commanded. In this text, submission is what the wife must do in her marriage in order to be approved of God. A submissive wife is fitting in the Lord.
Eph. 5:21: “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Who must submit? The Christian. Who are we submitting to? Other Christians. Why are we submitting? Out of reverence (deep respect and awe) for Christ. If we say that we revere Christ, we must submit to each other and place our brothers and sisters above self.
Eph. 5:24: “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Who is submitting? The church, as well as the wives in the same way we (as a church body) submit to Christ. A submissive church looks to Christ for every spiritual decision. They do this because they are no longer in control. A wife submits to her husband by looking at the example of the church or “the bride of Christ.”
Titus 2:5, 9; 3:1: “to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Bondservants are to be submissive to their own masters in everything; they are to be well-pleasing, not argumentative. Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work.” Who is submitting? Wives, bondservants, and those who have experienced Christ (2:14). Who are they submitting to? Husbands, masters, rulers and authorities. Why are they submitting? So the Word of God won’t be criticized or abused, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God (10), and because we aren’t who we used to be (3).
1 Peter 2:18; 3:22; 5:5: “Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust.” Servants are called to submit to their masters. Why? “For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly” (19). In chapter 3:1, wives are to submit to their husbands so that they may win their husband by their actions. In 3:22 the angels, authorities, and powers have been placed under Christ. In 5:5, the young are to submit to the elders.
Romans 13:1: “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.” Who is supposed to submit here? Every person. To whom? The governing authorities. Why? Only God can give authority, those that are in place have been instituted by God. If we refuse to submit (break their laws), “Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.”
Submission is the action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person. In scripture several groups are commanded to have this attitude:
Christians
Wives
Servants
Every person
Submission is not weakness. It takes strength to make this choice. We aren’t forced into submission, but it is a choice each one of us must make.
Have you made that choice? If you have, understand that there will be times where you fail. Thankfully God is willing to forgive those who have sinned.
Submission means we give up what we want, and act the way God wants us to act.
(Today, I’m pinch-hitting for Carl, who’s on his honeymoon this week. This is the wedding sermon portion of the ceremony performed last Friday in Summerville, GA. It was a beautiful wedding venue and occasion).
Neal Pollard
Introduction
A. One Of The Most Unsung Love Stories In The Bible Is Isaac & Rebekah
B. Their Romance & Relationship Is Revealed In Gen 24
1. What impresses me most re: them is how they did so much right
a. Rebekah is a very beautiful & pure young woman (16)
b. She was a hard worker (16-20) & she had a wonderful attitude (58)
c. She had a good relationship w/her family & his
2. Isaac had a good head on his shoulders, he was a man of faith & family
(25:21)
a. & it apparently was love at first sight for Isaac (24:67)
b. He was successful in his life's work (26:12-14)
c. He was a patient & peace-loving man (26:20)
3. In a day when God permitted a man to have more than one wife, &
his father Abraham did & his sons Jacob & Esau did
a. Isaac was a one-woman-man
4. It was a beautiful lifelong love story
a. It was a story of devotion & affection
D. Their Story Is Not Unlike Yours
1. I think Emily has the attributes of Rebekah we just saw
2. Carl is a lot like Isaac in the ways we observed
3. & your devotion & affection is so much like theirs, too
E. & To All Of Us Who Have Come To Witness This Joyful Occasion,
There Are Other Parallels For Us To Consider:
1. Many had invested so much into the moment the young couple met
a. In Gen. 24, there was Abraham, his servant, & Rebekah's family
b. They had invested their prayers, possessions & plans for these 2
2. God was at the heart of both families' lives
a. "God" is found 7 Xs in Gen 24, "LORD" is found 16 Xs
1. Both families invoke His name a similar number of Xs
2. Their faith was strong, & they conveyed that deep faith to I & R
a. The moments before Isaac met Rebekah, he was worshipping (24:62)
b. She was willing to leave her home to go to Isaac's home out of her trust in God's providence & guidance in her life
3. Their families encouraged them to serve & obey the Lord
a. Abraham wanted his son to have a wife God would be pleased with
b. Rebekah's brother & parents saw God's will in this & encouraged her to marry Isaac
F. For A Few Minutes, I Want To Share With You Both Some Of TheBlessings & Promises Shared With Isaac & Rebekah
I. YOU WILL LIVE LIFE TOGETHER BEFORE THE LIVING ONE WHO SEES
A. When Isaac Met Rebekah, He Was Standing At Beer-Lahai-Roi
1. It was the well at the place Hagar called "El-Roi," "A God whosees" (16:14)
2. In 25:11, we read that the newly weds lived in this place
B. May I Encourage You To Remember That Today & Every Day For theRest Of Your Lives, You Will Be Living Before The God Who Sees
1. Let that bring you comfort & hope, to encourage you
2. He will see your ups & downs; Your victories & defeats
3. There will be times when His presence & help are undoubtable
a. Other times, you may be tempted to wonder
C. He Will Walk With You Both Throughout Your Lives
1. Give Him 1st place, the most honored & cherished seat at the table ofyour marriage
2. Pr 15:3--The eyes of the Lord are in every place, beholding the evil & the good
a. It's not just a warning vs. sin; It's a promise as you do good
II. GOD WANTS TO HEAR YOU PRAY FOR YOUR SPOUSE
A. There Came A Time Of Stress & Adversity In Their Marriage
1. You're aware that you'll face moments like those, too
B. It's Beautiful To See How Isaac Responds To This
1. 25:21--Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife
2. Of all the good Isaac did in his life, nothing was better than this
C. There Will Be Moments When Your Problems May Threaten To Cause AWedge Between You Two
1. The best thing you will ever do in these Xs is to pray for each other, motivated by your love & care for each other
2. You will always need God's help; Let nothing keep you from praying to Him together
3. & let nothing keep you from faithfully praying to God for each other
4. 1 Pt 3:7--You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered
a. When Peter says "your prayers," it's plural (God's encouraging bothof you to pray for each other)
5. When you do, God will hear as He heard Isaac's prayer for Rebekah
III. ALWAYS KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN
A. I've Heard Sermons And Bible Classes Re: The Danger Of Showing Favoritism With Your Children & This Couple Is Used As Exhibit A
1. But after the deception of Jacob & Esau's anger & grudge, Rebekah comes to Isaac & freely shares her concerns w/Isaac (27:48)
a. Isaac listens & the 2 of them work together to resolve the problem
B. Don't Wait For Problems To Arise Before You Start Communicating
1. But certainly, when problems arise, be sure that you communicate freely, lovingly, & persistently
2. Companionship is re: needing each other & leaning on each other
C. Carl, Nourish & Cherish Emily; Love Her As X Loved The Church (Ep 5:25-28)
1. Emily, love your husband so as to honor God's word (Ti 2:4-5)
2. & realize the vital role communication plays in conveying your love
IV. FIND LOVE & COMFORT FROM ONE ANOTHER
A. Their Marriage Came At The Time Isaac Lost His Mother
1. But the Bible tells us re: how they shared love & comfort w/one another (Gen 24:67)
2. God has given you such a blessing in your marriage
B. Never Miss An Opportunity To Express It To Each Other
1. Like Solomon said
a. Song 4:10--How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine,
b. Or Song 7:6--How beautiful and how delightful you are, My love, with all your charms!
2. & like his bride said to him
a. Song 1:16--How handsome you are, my beloved, And so pleasant!
b. Song 2:3--Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, So is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, And his fruit was sweet to my taste.
C. Of Course, Do More Than Say It; Show It--Never Miss An Opportunity
1. It will keep you on the sunny side of life on the stormiest days
Listening to the best man speech right before their exit.
If I had the courage to ask a few random guys watching the football game at the local Applebees, they might give me a few stereotypical male answers. Some of them might say,
“Well a good wife should be a good cook!”
or “A good wife makes sure I got tea in my glass when I sit in my chair at the end of the day.” Or “A good wife keeps the house nice and clean.”
The question isn’t what makes a good maid— but a good wife.
I’m one day in to my second year of marriage. I still have no idea what I’m doing. However, I know exactly what makes a good wife.
Here are five qualities of, not just a good, but a great spouse. I’m incredibly blessed to see these things in my bride every day.
A Good Wife Is…
Filled with a desire To please God, more than her husband.
Not sinless but not satisfied with the status quo— she seeks to always grow spiritually.
Constantly encouraging, but not afraid to be honest about the faults in her husband.
Focused on eternity and helps her husband focus on eternity. Every day.
Forgiving, just like Jesus.
According to scripture, a good wife is someone that’s always growing but will always be a child of God.
Proverbs 31
Now, excuse me— my wife needs me to run an errand for her. 🙂
It’s something they never tell you in the romantic movie. The ending of the storyline so full of twists and turns, where he and she might not have ended up together but seemed destined to be together, is so happy and perfect. Both are all smiles, with stars in their eyes, when we see “The End” and the credits roll.
They never tell you what happens after the fairy tale wedding or the long-awaited kiss. He refuses to ask directions as they fade into the sunset. They argue over where to eat that romantic dinner. He speaks without thinking and says something thoughtless, followed by tense silence.
I am not critiquing one of the sacrosanct principles of romantic movies and books. Happy endings can be a great escape from reality and a feel good experience. Yet, when we hold it up as the unqualified expectation for our own lives, we set ourselves up for trouble. Social media is rife with posts and pictures which can perpetuate the fiction that the people we friend and follow are constantly living out “happily ever after.” Life is always grand, and success and satisfaction is the constant.
Don’t misunderstand. So much of what we experience in life is shaped by attitude. Being positive can help us negotiate those hairpin curves in the road of life. But, coping through positivity is different from allowing disappointment to make us disenchanted with failing to meet the unrealistic expectation that every problem and adversity can be wrapped up into a pretty, neat package with a frilly bow on top.
It’s quite the balancing act, isn’t it? Scripture teaches to think on healthy, beneficial things come what may (Phil. 4:8). Or, as Solomon puts it, “All the days of the afflicted are bad, but a cheerful heart has a continual feast” (Prov. 15:15). Yet, Job (14:1) and Solomon (Ecc. 2:23) do not sugarcoat the reality that life is often painful, grievous, and full of trouble both day and night.
May I offer some encouragement?
To the newlyweds, neither of you is perfect and there is no way you can always agree and get along without mutual compromise and effort. You will have so many great days, but there will be some mountains to climb and valleys you must pass through. No couple out there is breezing through married life. Turning to one another (and God) rather than on one another when marriage is hard will forge your bond come what may (1 Pet. 3:7).
To the new parents, though that baby looks perfect and angelic, he or she will introduce demands, needs, concerns, and challenges you never knew existed before. Each developmental stage will be accompanied by incredible highs and lows. As you look into the faces of your children, you will be looking at eternity and knowing the weight of your decisions and leadership. But, savor those little ordinary moments. You are placing puzzle pieces that will one day become your children’s picture of their childhood. How you handled the hard times will be at least as important as how you handled the fun times (Prov. 22:6).
To the new Christian, it is right for you to relish the feeling of relief and joy over being forgiven and cleansed from sins. The burden of guilt has been lifted. You are experiencing something in Christ that you never knew existed. But, there will be difficult days. The devil lurks (1 Pet. 5:8). Selfish desires can derail (Jas. 1:13-15). Suffering for your faith should be expected (1 Pet. 4:16; Acts 14:22), but by hanging on your eternal destiny is better than you can imagine. Along the journey, you will grow, mature, and develop into someone better and stronger as Christ lives in you (Gal. 2:20).
To the Christian who publicly repents, you had no idea how much support, love, and encouragement you were going to receive. You feel the relief of forgiveness and restored hope. There’s clarity and purpose where there had been confusion and distraction. Things are better now (cf. Jas. 5:16; 1 Jn. 1:9), but the battles and temptations that led you away are still there. You will still have to face the consequences of bad choices, but you will not regret turning to God and your spiritual family for help. This is the first step of your rededication. Keep walking and never stop (Mat. 7:13-14; 1 Th. 2:12).
There are so many other phases and circumstances deserving the same kind of encouragement. The bottom line for each is the same. When viewed with heavenly eyes, each of us is staring at the ultimate happy ending. Even as our exterior deteriorates, our inner man is renewed daily (2 Cor. 4:16). Our momentary difficulties will give way to incomparable glory (2 Cor. 4:17-18). The best is yet to come (2 Cor. 5). But, between now and then, we all have to negotiate bumps in the road. That’s OK. Keep following Christ on this narrow road and the “ever after” will transcend your greatest hopes (Mat. 16:24ff).
Social media has done us no favors, with the temptation it presents to project happiness and perfection while masking the trials and challenges inevitable for such a long-term commitment as marriage is. Not only can we be guilty of misrepresenting our own relationship, but we can unwittingly put pressure on other couples who see these projections and increase dissatisfaction with their less than perfect and happy marriage. Of course, the answer to this is not to use forums like social media to air the sordid stains on our life’s laundry. But, there is a need for some reasoning and common sense that can assist us in building better marriages.
The University of Wyoming’s Family And Consumer Sciences department has an excellent study by Ben Silliman entitled, “Intimacy Means Conflict.” They begin with a profound, if provocative, statement, saying, “To love may not mean to fight, but it does mean to become close, to care a lot, and eventually to discover differences and disagreements. Those who love much have a better chance of conflict” (click here). This great study includes some common sense suggestions for working through the conflict:
Focus on needs, not solutions.
Brainstorm possible solutions.
Choose the best option.
Make a plan.
Implement the plan.
Seek feedback and evaluate both the process and the outcome (ibid.).
He does not overtly come from a biblical worldview. He is not exclusively focused on monogamous marriage relationships. But his counsel is sound and consistent with biblical principles.Cross-check each of his suggestions with Scriptural guidance:
Philippians 2:3-4
Ecclesiastes 4:9
1 Corinthians 10:23
Proverbs 16:3
Psalm 37:5
1 Peter 3:7; James 3:17
The passages represent that the Bible talks about all these methods and approaches, but it does not suggest that this is all the Bible has to say about these. I am convinced the devil would love nothing more than for married couples, beset by conflict and even repeatedly addressing the same issue or issues, to just give up on their marriages. Wouldn’t he love for us to be convinced that we’re the only ones struggling and our situations are hopeless? I know such thoughts are not of God, who urges us to see possibilities even through improbabilities because of His capabilities (Phil. 4:13).
It’s fatal to a marriage to ignore or be in denial about the things that produce conflict. And it’s foolish to believe that a marriage is doomed because conflict is present. There is no way to achieve closer relationships without negotiating the unavoidable differences between two individuals striving to be a united couple. May I encourage all of us who are married to redouble our commitment to working through conflict in order to reach closer, Christ-centered relationships.
What is perhaps the most difficult statement in the Bible is not grammatically complex or difficult to comprehend from an intellectual standpoint. But what elder, preacher, or other member has not agonized over it many times. Asked point blank for His teaching on the subject of marriage, divorce, and remarriage, Jesus says, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Mat. 19:8-9). There are quite a few observations that can be made from this reading.
Jesus makes a timeless statement (“from the beginning”).
Jesus makes a universal statement (This applies to “whoever”).
Jesus makes an authoritative statement (“I say to you”)–Matthew often reveals Jesus’ contrasting His teaching with the inferior Law of Moses.
Jesus does not mandate (necessitate) that divorce occur in the case of fornication.
Jesus identifies the exception to the rule (“whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery”)–It is fornication (BDAG–“Unlawful sexual intercourse”).
Jesus’ teaching here cannot be negated by other Scripture (cf. 1 Cor. 7; 2 Cor. 5:17).
Jesus teaches that another marriage (excepting for one’s spouse’s fornication) is adulterous.
Jesus does not free the guilty to remarry.
The duration of adultery in the second marriage considered by Jesus persists as long as that subsequent marriage persists.
The teaching has been difficult from this inception (see Mat. 19:10-12).
This passage must be taught patiently, lovingly, wisely, compassionately, and prayerfully! Yet, on what grounds can we decide not to teach it? Treating it with the reverence it deserves, why would we seek to dismantle or discredit it? Of course, we would not.By teaching it, we risk losing good will and favor with many but by teaching it as Jesus taught it we show respect and fidelity to His supreme authority. May God grant us “a spirit…of power and love and discipline” (2 Tim. 1:7) on this eternally important passage.
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