The Lamb, Not the Seductress: Reexamining Bathsheba’s Story

So, did David not know who she was? It’s difficult to believe that a woman connected to three men in David’s inner circle was a stranger to him. More likely, the evening light and David’s rooftop vantage point allowed him to see her form but not recognize her.

Brent Pollard

July 15, 2025, seemed like an ordinary day, but it became extraordinary when a CEO was caught canoodling with a fellow employee on the kiss cam during a Coldplay concert. The intimate moment quickly went viral, especially since the CEO was married. Many likely felt schadenfreude over the fall of a wealthy individual worth between $20 and $70 million. This contemporary scandal provides a lens through which to examine how we often misread similar biblical narratives. Frankly, I believe it is best to heed the words of Paul: while we expose evil deeds, we do not speak in detail about what is done in secret (Ephesians 5.11–12). Still, I needed to establish this cultural backdrop for this article.

One of those quick to offer a take on the July 15 incident was the satirical site The Babylon Bee. I typically enjoy their brand of humor, but this time they missed the mark. They likened the scandal to the biblical account of David and Bathsheba. If Bathsheba truly were the gold-digging seductress some portray her as, then the comparison might be justified. But she wasn’t. Bathsheba was a victim of a powerful man’s abuse, which makes The Bee’s joke not only flat but also deeply inappropriate.

This article will build a case, as if in a court of law, defending Bathsheba against unjust accusations. I will argue that she was a victim of rape and that her husband was murdered to conceal the crime. The evidence is found in 2 Samuel 11.

First, the text reveals David’s negligence and sets the stage for what follows. Verse one sets the tone: it was the season when kings customarily led their troops into battle. But David stayed home. He was not where he was supposed to be. Then in verse two, we find that David is getting out of bed in the evening. The text doesn’t say why, but the timing is odd. I can’t help but think of the words attributed to David’s son: “How long will you lie down, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep?” (Proverbs 6.9). It reminds us of the adage that idle hands are the devil’s workshop. This context of David’s negligence becomes crucial when we examine what happens next. Had David been at the front, none of what follows may have occurred.

As David walks on his rooftop, he sees a woman bathing. The text tells us she was very beautiful (2 Samuel 11.2). Unlike Job, who made a covenant with his eyes not to gaze lustfully (Job 31.1), David does not look away. Instead, he inquires about her (v. 3). The answer he receives is revealing: this is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, and the wife of Uriah the Hittite. Bathsheba has three direct relational ties to David. Uriah and Eliam were part of David’s elite band of mighty men (2 Samuel 23.34, 39). Additionally, Eliam was the son of Ahithophel, one of David’s counselors (2 Samuel 15.12).

So, did David not know who she was? It’s difficult to believe that a woman connected to three men in David’s inner circle was a stranger to him. More likely, the evening light and David’s rooftop vantage point allowed him to see her form but not recognize her. This is important: Bathsheba was not bathing at a time or place where she should have expected to be seen.

Second, examining Bathsheba’s actions shows she was following the Law, not acting seductively. There is debate about why Bathsheba was bathing. Some translations imply she was purifying herself from her monthly period; others suggest she was washing after intercourse with David. But here’s the key: if she were washing after sex, then both she and David would have had to bathe according to Leviticus 15.18. Yet the text only describes Bathsheba bathing.

More importantly, verse four tells us she was purifying herself from her impurity. The Hebrew word tum’ah refers to ritual uncleanness, and in Leviticus 15.19–30, this term is explicitly used for menstrual impurity. The law outlines a process of purification following menstruation, including waiting seven days and bathing before being considered clean. So the context supports that Bathsheba was obeying the Law of Moses, not reacting to a sinful encounter.

Furthermore, we are not told where Bathsheba was bathing. Was it on a rooftop, as depicted in art? We don’t know. The only specified location is David’s. He was on a rooftop with a clear, elevated view. Suggesting that Bathsheba was being immodest or trying to attract attention assumes she knew David was not at war, knew he was home, and knew he would be waking up and wandering onto the roof at that very moment—all highly improbable. The seduction theory collapses under its weight.

When we scrutinize the text, it becomes clear that Bathsheba was where she was supposed to be, doing what the Law required. David was not. He was idle, indulgent, and willfully blind. What followed was not an affair. It was an act of power and violation. We must stop blaming Bathsheba for being seen and instead call David’s sin what it truly was. I know we are uncomfortable calling David a rapist, but we don’t seem to have a problem with acknowledging his premeditated murder of Uriah.

Finally, the prophet Nathan’s parable confirms this interpretation and validates Bathsheba’s innocence. Of course, David later repented (Psalm 51), and Scripture still calls him a man after God’s own heart (1 Samuel 13.14). But his heart was not aligned with God in 2 Samuel 11. The prophet Nathan’s parable does not depict Bathsheba as a co-conspirator. She is the poor man’s beloved lamb, taken and slaughtered by one who had many (2 Samuel 12.1–4). The lamb does not seduce the butcher.

Justice for Bathsheba does not mean denying David’s restoration. It simply means telling the truth: she was not the temptress. She was the victim.

An Excellent Wife

She is careful about how she approaches the various duties of the home, which she rules and oversees. She adopts a wise, God-approved character. This leads her to bless all who are in various relationships with her. Husbands do well to approach their duties, character-development, and relationships in the same way.

Neal Pollard

The book of Proverbs ends with an investigation (chapter 31). The writer, whether Lemuel is making observations or passing along his mother’s sage guidance, leads the search. He writes how rare and valuable an excellent wife is (31:10). It is a literary masterpiece, an acrostic poem (each verse begins with a successive letter of the Hebrew alphabet), a chiasm (“a rhetorical or literary figure in which words, grammatical constructions, or concepts are repeated in reverse order, in the same or modified form,” Apple Dictionary, 2.3.0). You would diagram the outline of the chiasm like this: A B C B A. The chiasm was a literary way to show the heart or focus of a specific section of Scripture. It would be readily identified by a Jewish reader, but it enriches our study when we understand that it’s intentionally there. The heart of this poem is verse 23: “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.” The net effect of the kind of wife described here is that it blesses her spouse’s life. That should be the goal of every married person, to raise others’ view of him or her through the righteous conduct of our life. What is the character of the wife described here?

  • She is prized and praiseworthy (10, 30-31).
  • Her husband and home are profited by and praise her (11-12, 28-29).
  • She is a hard worker (13-19, 27). 
  • She is generous with her material things and her wisdom (20, 26).
  • She is not ruled by worries and fears (21,25).
  • She dresses her children and house well and she dresses her character well (21-22, 24-25).

Some have used this poem to try and hold up a “Renaissance Woman,” an ideal so unrealistic that no woman could ever live up to her standard. These have had too narrow a view of the author’s purpose. He is trying to demonstrate the kind of approach that a wife, in this context, should take to her role and responsibility. She is careful about how she approaches the various duties of the home, which she rules and oversees. She adopts a wise, God-approved character. This leads her to bless all who are in various relationships with her. Husbands do well to approach their duties, character-development, and relationships in the same way. Society will be benefited from its members taking who they are and what they do more seriously. So will the church and the home. 

What a blessing to be married to an excellent wife! There is no substitute for this. How it makes the inevitable burdens of life easier to carry. Let us all strive to be excellent in the role(s) God has given to us! 

15 Spices That Will Make Any Marriage More Savory

Neal Pollard

  • Greet one another sweetly every day.
  • Always look for (and create) opportunities to compliment and encourage.
  • Prevent negative forces (pride, fear, worry, etc.) from driving your responses, especially in times of conflict.
  • Watch out for the “third party” (intrusive friends, co-workers, parents, children, siblings, etc.).
  • Spend time together investing in shared interests.
  • Break unhealthy practices from your past that may negatively impact your relationship.
  • Have “touch points” throughout the day where you can catch up and check in.
  • Reserve conflict for behind closed doors (don’t fight in front of others, especially children).
  • Continue to express romance in the ways your spouse appreciates.
  • Don’t use words that hurt (empty threats, insults, etc.).
  • Make all computers, tablets, and phones (and email and social media accounts) totally accessible to one another.
  • Remember the power of showing genuine affection (not for manipulation, but for appreciation).
  • Spend time together with God daily!
  • Find couples with healthy marriages and more experience (who have a high view of marriage) who can provide example and encouragement.
  • Find tangible ways to serve others as a couple (hospitality, visiting, aiding, etc.).

(Proverbs 5:15-23; Song of Sol. 8:6-7; Ephesians 5:22-33; Titus 2:3-4)

Thankful For Marriage

Gary Pollard

Jesus quoted Genesis 2 when he said, “That is why a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. And the two people will become one” (Mt 19.5). 

That last phrase — ‘become one flesh’ — is extremely cool. Its literal meaning is a polite way of saying, “They will be physically intimate.” In God’s eyes this is the moment a man and woman become One. It’s also why Paul warned so strongly against abusing this gift in I Corinthians 6.16. 

But it goes so much further than that. God gives us the ability to develop a transcendent, impossible-to-describe closeness with another human being that rivals anything else in reality. If husband and wife are willing to put in the work, practice selflessness, value each other, and aim for Jesus’s return, God gives you the best friend you’ll ever have. 

You’ll know things without having to ask. You’ll communicate without having to speak. Your lives will — in many literal ways — become One. You’ll have a closeness with someone that defies any ability to describe it, a relationship that you’ll value above anything else. Life’s problems become so much smaller when two peoples’ souls merge. 

And this is how we get to experience marriage after humanity’s fall! I am thankful for marriage because God gave us a way to have a connection with someone else that’s almost spooky. The world will always be chaotic. We’ll often have reminders of how stinky this life can be. We’ll experience grief, anger, happiness, peace, anxiety, chaos, and everything else — but as two who became one. Marriage is a tangible proof that God loves us and wants only what’s best for us. 

A strong marriage is the most powerful weapon we have against our enemy. It’s the most fulfilling aspect of being alive. It gives us the potential to become something far greater than we could achieve alone. It’s grounding, inspiring, sustaining. It makes us stronger, it models forgiveness, it shows how powerful real love is. 

God gave us a lot of cool stuff — marriage is by far the greatest physical blessing of them all. It merges our limitations with some of the transcendent and gives us a glimpse into what new life will be like. Thank God for marriage!

Seeking A Pig, Finding A Wife

Brent Pollard

It wasn’t a fairytale romance but rather a practical one. William Henderson Sheffield had tragically lost his beloved young wife to the cruel grasp of death. Like numerous individuals in his predicament during the late nineteenth century, he pursued a swift substitute. Even so, William’s initial intention was to purchase a pig. Sheffield found himself at the doorstep of Edmund Learwood Nerren due to this intended purchase. I don’t know if the two men had any prior business dealings. Still, when William discovered that Edmund didn’t have a pig to sell, he asked if Edmund knew any respectable Christian women available for courtship. Edmund responded, mentioning that he had a daughter. Even though this daughter, Lucy, was sixteen years younger than William, the two eventually married. William and Lucy had five daughters, one of whom was my grandmother, Ida Isabelle.

My great-grandfather proves illustrative for Luke 11.9–13 that one should ask, seek, and knock. Consider these points with me.

Persistently Asking for What You Desire

William Sheffield’s story exemplifies the relentless pursuit of one’s dreams. Despite his initial intention to buy a pig, William didn’t let the failure discourage him. Instead, he fearlessly inquired about a wife, a far more critical pursuit. Similarly, in Luke 11.9, Jesus urges us to “ask, seek, and knock.” Through his unwavering determination, William was rewarded with the fortuitous discovery of a life partner, perfectly aligned with the biblical idea that those who seek shall find.

Unexpected Blessings Beyond Your Requests

William embarked on a mission to obtain a simple item—a pig. However, providence had more excellent plans for him. Instead of just a pig, he gained a loving wife and a whole new family. This substitution illustrates how God often surpasses our expectations when we sincerely ask, seek, and persevere. The passage conveys the message of God’s abundant benevolence and His sincere intention to bestow blessings upon us, like a caring father showering his children with precious gifts. William’s life underwent a profound transformation, shifting from a simple transaction to creating a new family. This change stands as a powerful testament to the abundant blessings that God can bestow upon us, exceeding even our wildest expectations.

God’s Benevolence in Providing Blessings

The latter portion of Luke 11.13 emphasizes that if earthly fathers can give good gifts to their children, how much more will the heavenly Father generously provide the Holy Spirit to those who seek Him earnestly? William’s experience illustrates how we can see God’s kindness in the gift of a new wife and family after losing his first wife. It serves as a reminder that divine providence can meet our most urgent needs. Even amid hardship and sadness, God’s blessings come at the perfect time and are always beneficial, just like how He brought Lucy into William’s life.

Surprising Paths to Divine Blessings

William’s journey began with a simple and practical need, but it led him to an unexpected path that ended in marriage and a family. It is incredible to observe how God’s answers to our prayers can often come in unforeseen ways. Just like William’s original request, which resulted in a much bigger blessing, God can answer our prayers in ways beyond our expectations or understanding.

I’m unsure what inspired my great-grandfather to approach a stranger and inquire about a potential spouse, but I’m grateful he did. My great-grandfather’s story reminds me of Jesus’ parable of “The Unjust Judge” from Luke 18. Jesus concludes the parable by questioning whether there will be individuals who possess the unwavering faith to engage in prayer upon His return. Consider what God may want to do but doesn’t because you fail to ask. Ask, seek, and knock.

Now That’s REALLY Staying Together!

Neal Pollard

You may had heard once about the couple archaeologists dug up in an excavation in Rome, Italy. They found the bones of a couple who would have possibly lived before Noah, but how they found them was most unique. The skeletons were found in embrace, suggesting especially to the sentimental the profoundest expression of love and togetherness possible (source here).

Who knows what it truly means, who they were, and if they were even husband and wife? Yet, I would like to think that they were a couple so close and whose lives were so intertwined that their repose in death was symbolic of how they were to each other throughout life. We certainly need good role models, wherever we can “dig them up.”

Society does not do so much to encourage married people staying together. In fact, infidelity and fornication are idolized character traits. Those who stick together through thick and thin are portrayed as foolish or at least boring. Yet, God laid out a blueprint for the whole that includes a bond much stronger than an embrace for couples staying together (cf. Gen. 2:18-24; Mat. 19:3-9; 1 Pet. 3:1-7; etc.). The Lord’s church needs men and women who are committed to staying together, to building healthy, happy and close marriages. Societies, to long endure, need such values embraced and encouraged. You, if you are married, need to rededicate yourself to your spouse each day, finding ways to stick close and reasons to stay together.

One Of The Bible’s Most Beautiful Metaphors

Monday’s Column: Neal At The Cross

Neal Pollard

The second half of the Ephesian letter is addressed to showing how the redeemed walk in Christ. That cannot be divorced from the Christian’s function within the body of Christ, the church. It has often rightly been observed that Paul, in this epistle, is exalting the church of the Christ. It is valuable to God and to us because (1) It is the body of Christ, His Son (1:22-23; 4:4), (2) It is His means of reconciling all people together (2:16), (3) It makes us members of His household (2:19-22), (4) It is the means through which He shows His manifold wisdom and eternal purpose (3:9-11), (5) It is the means through which He receives glory (3:20-21), and (6) It is where and how God intends for us to use our talents and abilities to grow individually and collectively (4:11-16). Added to that list is what Paul says in what we call Ephesians 5:22-33. Paul makes it clear that the material he covers in this text illustrates a profound mystery; what he is saying “refers to Christ and the church” (32). Therefore, whatever else we take away from this text as inspired guidelines for marriage–which it is–we must understand that the church is the bride and Christ is the groom. When we see God’s binding legislation on the husband and wife in this text, we must remind ourselves that it illustrates the relationship between Christ and the church. Paul repeatedly gives this reminder (23, 25,27,29, 30,32). But, it’s not exclusively about that, as Paul concludes, “However, let each of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (33). In other words, Paul is saying, “Even though my underlying point is about Christ’s love for the church and the church’s need to submit to His authority, apply this to the marriage relationship!” 

This illustration is about submission (22-24). The command here builds on the command previous to it, in Ephesians 5:21, that being filled with the Spirit is fulfilled by “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” That is more generally about each member of the church. But, in a marriage between Christians, there would also be this mutual submission. Yet, in a specific way, God commands the wife to submit to the headship of her husband. Paul speaks “of submission involving recognition of an ordered structure… of the entity to whom/which appropriate respect is shown” (BDAG 1042). Louw and Nida add that it means “to bring something under the firm control of someone” (475). Kittel tells us that in the middle voice (i.e., the one commanded acting upon himself/herself) this is voluntary submission, but it is according to a divinely willed order (1159). The wife places herself under the leadership of her husband in a way that shows that she respect him (33). God commands this because, as previous commands in this letter, it does not come naturally or easily. It requires self-discipline and effort. The close the loop on the metaphor, Paul says, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (24). This is neither vague nor unclear, though it is difficult. 

This illustration is about sacrificial love (25-30). The command here complements the one Paul gives to the wife. The husband is commanded to love his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”  (25). The specific “love” mentioned here is not erotic, familial, or companionship centered. It is the highest form of love, “to have love for someone or something, based on sincere appreciation and high regard—‘to love, to regard with affection, loving concern, love” (Louw-Nida 292-293). This is the love used to describe why God gave His Son (John 3:16). Likewise, Paul here is saying that what husbands are called to show their wives is what prompted Jesus to lay down His life on the cross. Picture the intensity, the fierce devotion, the selfless care involved in that (as you read 5:26-27)! But that active interest also leads the husband, in love, to nourish and cherish her (29) as carefully as one acts to preserve self (28). Paul sharpens the focus of husbands on the sacrificial love Christ heaps on the church, and that is the bar God sets for the husband in the marriage. A husband is to be driven by concern, care, and genuine interest for the needs of his wife! Her greatest need is spiritual, so he will never abdicate the role of spiritual leadership. He will lovingly exercise it. 

This illustration is about severing (31). When the old saying goes, “Marriage takes three,” it does not mean the husband, his wife, and a parent. In fact, a prerequisite of forming a marriage presupposes what Paul explicitly states here: “Therefore a man shall leave his father & mother & hold fast to his wife, & the two shall become one flesh” (31). Did you know that this is one of the first commands in the whole Bible? Paul quotes Genesis 2:24)? Jesus reiterates it in His teaching to restore marriage to its original state (Mat. 19:5; Mk. 10:7). Suffice it to say, this is a foundational principle. Just as God does not want any outside influences to interfere in the church’s relationship to Christ, He does not want any undue influences upon the marriage relationship. That includes the parents of the bride and/or groom! The legislation is spoken to the husband, but it is applicable to the wife. It is also a warning to the parents whose children leave their home and form their new home. While this does not mean total isolation and desertion of responsibilities to parents, whom we must always honor (6:3), it does mean that the relationship changes. The married couple are not under the rule of parents. They leave that relationship and form a new one, beautifully described as a “one flesh” relationship. 

This metaphor is to help the church at Ephesus understand their relationship to Christ. But, let’s not miss the bottom line application, either. “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (32-33). 

WHY STAY MARRIED?

Monday’s Column: Neal At The Cross

Neal Pollard

Caitlin Flanagan wrote an article in TIME magazine entitled, “Why Marriage Matters.”  She begins by saying, “Buffeted by affairs and ennui, the intact, two-parent family is under assault. What America needs to get over its commitment issues. (Hint: it isn’t love)” (7/13/09, p. 45).  What was so fascinating about the article was that, whether sociologists, feminists, domestic policy-makers, or other experts, they all came to the groundbreaking conclusion that children are healthier, more successful, and more productive who come from intact, two-parent homes.  Flanagan kept returning to that conclusion, even as high profile cases of infidelity were offered to show how the guilty were selfishly putting their own ideals and needs about what their families truly needed.

While I believe that it is possible for a marriage to grow more romantic, satisfying, and enjoyable each and every day of one’s married life, such is a tangible benefit of the hard work and effort invested in marriage.  It is neither automatic nor an entitlement.  It is not to be “persevered” or patronized only so long as I am having a good time, get my way, or reap the “rewards” of it as I, subjectively, decide I should.  No doubt, God created marriage to provide companionship and suitable help (Gen. 2:18ff) and a legitimate sexual outlet (1 Cor. 7:1ff).  It is enriching and even thrilling to look back over years of partnership and see in one’s spouse the depth of intimacy built by shared time and experience.  God certainly depicts a loving, close relationship in marriage as the ideal toward which to be striven (Song of Solomon, Eph. 5:22-33; 1 Pet. 3:1-7).  However, first and last, marriage is a lifelong commitment, an ongoing fulfillment of a vow made to and before God Himself, and a relationship that can be severed with God’s approval only under extreme circumstances.

Flanagan had so much good to say about marital partners considering how vital their staying married means to raising well-adjusted, optimally-functioning children.  She hits the nail on the head regarding the deep-seated, lasting negative effects of divorce upon families and, ultimately, society.  Yet, while it may only be a matter of semantics, I disagree with her premise.  Staying married is about love.  It is about knowing how to love, God’s way, and intentionally, intensely, and indefinitely, nurturing and growing that love in the marriage.  Love involves duty, but it is so much more than that.  It is an act of the will more than a flutter of the heart. Yet, its payoff for marriage gives a man and a woman a lifelong glimmer of light that burns brighter even as the lights of our own lives gradually dim.  Let us love our spouses with biblical love and watch the seismic effects for good upon the home, the church, and the culture!

Some Truths Marriage Has Taught Me

Monday’s Column: Neal At The Cross

Neal Pollard

Yesterday marked thirty years of marriage to a woman I met when she was still technically a “girl” almost 32 years ago. God has blessed her with extraordinary beauty and youthfulness, but He has blessed me by her in ways far deeper than that. She constantly encourages my spiritual growth, helps me read my spiritual compass, and drives me to be closer to God and do His will better. This is not only a daily benefit I enjoy in marriage, but a benefit I typically enjoy throughout each day! Yet, she is also fun-loving, has a great sense of humor, and loves life and people profoundly. I could not have asked for a better mother for my children, and I could not have dreamed for a better companion to travel life’s road with.

Paul indicates that God created the marriage relationship to illustrate the relationship Christ would have with the church (Eph. 5:22-33). That’s profound! The Author of the most intimate relationship on earth wants us to learn and grow through this transformation connection we call marriage. He teaches us vital truths throughout His Word that we grasp and understand to our great benefit. Consider a few of them.

  • “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband” (Prov. 12:4a).
  • “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22).
  • “House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord” (Prov. 19:14).
  • “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Prov. 31:10-12).
  • ““You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride; You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes, with a single strand of your necklace. How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than all kinds of spices” (Song 4:9-10).
  • “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself” (Eph. 5:28). 
  • “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Col. 3:19). 
  • “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Pet. 3:7). 

I am impressed with how much God honors and upholds marriage. He invented and instituted it (Gen. 2:18-25). It was His sweetest gift to humanity, second only to the sacrifice of His Son for our sins! He has given us an instruction manual to help us navigate the many ups and downs that are a part of it. It can bring us some of life’s most difficult and excruciating moments. But undoubtedly, it will give us some of the sweetest, most memorable, and sustaining moments, too. 

So much happens in three decades of life, especially in the marriage context. While it seems like just a moment ago that we stood before my dad in Manchester, Georgia, that Friday afternoon, seeing three grown, married children and some inevitable physical changes in the mirror tells me more time has passed than it seems. In the treasure chest of my heart, there are so many memories and events over the span of those years. Invariably, right there in my mental picture of them all is the sweet, pretty face of that blonde, witty, and intense beauty who grounds me, balances me, and pushes me to be my best me. 

It scares me to think about where I would be without her. It humbles me to think she chose to spend her life with me. It blesses me to think that, as the Lord wills, I get to do life with her today and for as many days as He gives us together. Thank God for the blessing of marriage! May I bless my Kathy as she has blessed me! 

An Unsung Love Story

Thursday’s Column: Captain’s Blog

(Today, I’m pinch-hitting for Carl, who’s on his honeymoon this week. This is the wedding sermon portion of the ceremony performed last Friday in Summerville, GA. It was a beautiful wedding venue and occasion).

Neal Pollard

Introduction

A. One Of The Most Unsung Love Stories In The Bible Is Isaac & Rebekah

B. Their Romance & Relationship Is Revealed In Gen 24

    1. What impresses me most re: them is how they did so much right

        a. Rebekah is a very beautiful & pure young woman (16)

        b. She was a hard worker (16-20) & she had a wonderful attitude (58)

        c. She had a good relationship w/her family & his

   2. Isaac had a good head on his shoulders, he was a man of faith & family

       (25:21)

       a. & it apparently was love at first sight for Isaac (24:67)

       b. He was successful in his life's work (26:12-14)

       c. He was a patient & peace-loving man (26:20)

   3. In a day when God permitted a man to have more than one wife, & 

       his father Abraham did & his sons Jacob & Esau did

       a. Isaac was a one-woman-man

   4. It was a beautiful lifelong love story

       a. It was a story of devotion & affection

D. Their Story Is Not Unlike Yours

    1. I think Emily has the attributes of Rebekah we just saw

    2. Carl is a lot like Isaac in the ways we observed

    3. & your devotion & affection is so much like theirs, too

E. & To All Of Us Who Have Come To Witness This Joyful Occasion,

    There Are Other Parallels For Us To Consider:

   1. Many had invested so much into the moment the young couple met

      a. In Gen. 24, there was Abraham, his servant, & Rebekah's family

      b. They had invested their prayers, possessions & plans for these 2

   2. God was at the heart of both families' lives

       a. "God" is found 7 Xs in Gen 24, "LORD" is found 16 Xs

          1. Both families invoke His name a similar number of Xs

          2. Their faith was strong, & they conveyed that deep faith to I & R

              a. The moments before Isaac met Rebekah, he was worshipping (24:62)

              b. She was willing to leave her home to go to Isaac's home out of her trust in
God's providence & guidance in her life

          3. Their families encouraged them to serve & obey the Lord

              a. Abraham wanted his son to have a wife God would be pleased with

              b. Rebekah's brother & parents saw God's will in this & encouraged her to marry
Isaac

F. For A Few Minutes, I Want To Share With You Both Some Of The Blessings & Promises Shared
With Isaac & Rebekah

I. YOU WILL LIVE LIFE TOGETHER BEFORE THE LIVING ONE WHO SEES

A. When Isaac Met Rebekah, He Was Standing At Beer-Lahai-Roi

    1. It was the well at the place Hagar called "El-Roi," "A God who sees" (16:14)

    2. In 25:11, we read that the newly weds lived in this place

B. May I Encourage You To Remember That Today & Every Day For the Rest Of Your Lives, You
Will Be Living Before The God Who Sees

    1. Let that bring you comfort & hope, to encourage you

    2. He will see your ups & downs; Your victories & defeats

    3. There will be times when His presence & help are undoubtable

        a. Other times, you may be tempted to wonder

C. He Will Walk With You Both Throughout Your Lives

    1. Give Him 1st place, the most honored & cherished seat at the table of your marriage

    2. Pr 15:3--The eyes of the Lord are in every place, beholding the evil & the good

        a. It's not just a warning vs. sin; It's a promise as you do good

II. GOD WANTS TO HEAR YOU PRAY FOR YOUR SPOUSE

A. There Came A Time Of Stress & Adversity In Their Marriage

   1. You're aware that you'll face moments like those, too

B. It's Beautiful To See How Isaac Responds To This

   1. 25:21--Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife

   2. Of all the good Isaac did in his life, nothing was better than this

C. There Will Be Moments When Your Problems May Threaten To Cause A Wedge Between You Two

   1. The best thing you will ever do in these Xs is to pray for each other, motivated by
your love & care for each other

   2. You will always need God's help; Let nothing keep you from praying to Him together

   3. & let nothing keep you from faithfully praying to God for each other

   4. 1 Pt 3:7--You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way,
as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of
the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered


     a. When Peter says "your prayers," it's plural (God's encouraging both of you to pray
for each other)

   5. When you do, God will hear as He heard Isaac's prayer for Rebekah

 III. ALWAYS KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN

A. I've Heard Sermons And Bible Classes Re: The Danger Of Showing Favoritism With Your
Children & This Couple Is Used As Exhibit A

   1. But after the deception of Jacob & Esau's anger & grudge, Rebekah comes to Isaac &
freely shares her concerns w/Isaac (27:48)

       a. Isaac listens & the 2 of them work together to resolve the problem

B. Don't Wait For Problems To Arise Before You Start Communicating

   1. But certainly, when problems arise, be sure that you communicate freely, lovingly, &
persistently

   2. Companionship is re: needing each other & leaning on each other

C. Carl, Nourish & Cherish Emily; Love Her As X Loved The Church (Ep  5:25-28)

   1. Emily, love your husband so as to honor God's word (Ti 2:4-5)

   2. & realize the vital role communication plays in conveying your love

IV. FIND LOVE & COMFORT FROM ONE ANOTHER

A. Their Marriage Came At The Time Isaac Lost His Mother

   1. But the Bible tells us re: how they shared love & comfort w/one another (Gen 24:67)

   2. God has given you such a blessing in your marriage 

B. Never Miss An Opportunity To Express It To Each Other

   1. Like Solomon said

      a. Song 4:10--How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your
love than wine,


     b. Or Song 7:6--How beautiful and how delightful you are, My love, with all your charms!

   2. & like his bride said to him

      a. Song 1:16--How handsome you are, my beloved, And so pleasant!

      b. Song 2:3--Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, So is my beloved among
the young men. In his
shade I took great delight and sat down, And his fruit was
sweet to my taste.


C. Of Course, Do More Than Say It; Show It--Never Miss An Opportunity

   1. It will keep you on the sunny side of life on the stormiest days
Listening to the best man speech right before their exit.

“A GREAT WIFE”

Dale Pollard

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Hey men, what makes a good wife?

 If I had the courage to ask a few random guys watching the football game at the local Applebees, they might give me a few stereotypical male answers. Some of them might say, 

“Well a good wife should be a good cook!” 

or “A good wife makes sure I got tea in my glass when I sit in my chair at the end of the day.” Or “A good wife keeps the house nice and clean.” 

The question isn’t what makes a good maid— but a good wife. 

I’m one day in to my second year of marriage. I still have no idea what I’m doing. However, I know exactly what makes a good wife. 

Here are five qualities of, not just a good, but a great spouse. I’m incredibly blessed to see these things in my bride every day. 

A Good Wife Is…

  1. Filled with a desire To please God, more than her husband. 
  1. Not sinless but not satisfied with the status quo— she seeks to always grow spiritually.
  1. Constantly encouraging, but not afraid to be honest about the faults in her husband.
  1. Focused on eternity and helps her husband focus on eternity. Every day.
  1. Forgiving, just like Jesus. 

According to scripture, a good wife is someone that’s always growing but will always be a child of God. 

Proverbs 31 

Now, excuse me— my wife needs me to run an errand for her. 🙂 

Marriages Secretly In Trouble

Neal Pollard

Social media has done us no favors, with the temptation it presents to project happiness and perfection while masking the trials and challenges inevitable for such a long-term commitment as marriage is. Not only can we be guilty of misrepresenting our own relationship, but we can unwittingly put pressure on other couples who see these projections and increase dissatisfaction with their less than perfect and happy marriage. Of course, the answer to this is not to use forums like social media to air the sordid stains on our life’s laundry. But, there is a need for some reasoning and common sense that can assist us in building better marriages.

The University of Wyoming’s Family And Consumer Sciences department has an excellent study by Ben Silliman entitled, “Intimacy Means Conflict.” They begin with a profound, if provocative, statement, saying, “To love may not mean to fight, but it does mean to become close, to care a lot, and eventually to discover differences and disagreements. Those who love much have a better chance of conflict” (click here). This great study includes some common sense suggestions for working through the conflict:

  • Focus on needs, not solutions.
  • Brainstorm possible solutions.
  • Choose the best option. 
  • Make a plan.
  • Implement the plan. 
  • Seek feedback and evaluate both the process and the outcome (ibid.).

He does not overtly come from a biblical worldview. He is not exclusively focused on monogamous marriage relationships. But his counsel is sound and consistent with biblical principles.  Cross-check each of his suggestions with Scriptural guidance:

  • Philippians 2:3-4
  • Ecclesiastes 4:9
  • 1 Corinthians 10:23
  • Proverbs 16:3
  • Psalm 37:5
  • 1 Peter 3:7; James 3:17

The passages represent that the Bible talks about all these methods and approaches, but it does not suggest that this is all the Bible has to say about these. I am convinced the devil would love nothing more than for married couples, beset by conflict and even repeatedly addressing the same issue or issues, to just give up on their marriages. Wouldn’t he love for us to be convinced that we’re the only ones struggling and our situations are hopeless? I know such thoughts are not of God, who urges us to see possibilities even through improbabilities because of His capabilities (Phil. 4:13). 

It’s fatal to a marriage to ignore or be in denial about the things that produce conflict. And it’s foolish to believe that a marriage is doomed because conflict is present. There is no way to achieve closer relationships without negotiating the unavoidable differences between two individuals striving to be a united couple. May I encourage all of us who are married to redouble our commitment to working through conflict in order to reach closer, Christ-centered relationships. 

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Showing Love To Your Mate In Ways That Count

Neal Pollard

1–Do Something That Is Truly Meaningful To Them (Acts Of Service)(Phil. 2:3-4)

2–Say Something That Is Essential To Them (Cf. Col. 4:6)

3–Pray Something That Is Helpful To Them (When You’re Close Or Not, It Will Benefit You Both)(1 Pet. 3:7)

4–Lift Something That Is Too Heavy For Them (Your Thoughtful Compassion Will Be Appreciated)(Gal. 6:2)

5–Show Them Something That Is Useful To Them (Your Example)(Eph 5:22-33)

6–Give Them Something That Is Appreciated By Them (Forgiveness, Patience, Understanding, Etc.)(Gal. 5:22-23)

7–Go Somewhere That’s Special To Them (Sentimentally; Geographically)

8–Study Something That Pertains To Them (The Bible, Of Course, But Also Other Books On The Subject)

9–Hope Something That Is About Them (Their Best; Their Salvation; Their Happiness)(1 Cor. 13:7)

10–Be Someone That Is Respected By Them (Eph 5:22-33)

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Observations From Perhaps The Most Difficult Passage In The New Testament

Neal Pollard

What is perhaps the most difficult statement in the Bible is not grammatically complex or difficult to comprehend from an intellectual standpoint. But what elder, preacher, or other member has not agonized over it many times. Asked point blank for His teaching on the subject of marriage, divorce, and remarriage, Jesus says, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Mat. 19:8-9). There are quite a few observations that can be made from this reading.

  • Jesus makes a timeless statement (“from the beginning”).
  • Jesus makes a universal statement (This applies to “whoever”).
  • Jesus makes an authoritative statement (“I say to you”)–Matthew often reveals Jesus’ contrasting His teaching with the inferior Law of Moses.
  • Jesus does not mandate (necessitate) that divorce occur in the case of fornication.
  • Jesus identifies the exception to the rule (“whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery”)–It is fornication (BDAG–“Unlawful sexual intercourse”).
  • Jesus’ teaching here cannot be negated by other Scripture (cf. 1 Cor. 7; 2 Cor. 5:17).
  • Jesus teaches that another marriage (excepting for one’s spouse’s fornication) is adulterous.
  • Jesus does not free the guilty to remarry.
  • The duration of adultery in the second marriage considered by Jesus persists as long as that subsequent marriage persists.
  • The teaching has been difficult from this inception (see Mat. 19:10-12).

This passage must be taught patiently, lovingly, wisely, compassionately, and prayerfully! Yet, on what grounds can we decide not to teach it? Treating it with the reverence it deserves, why would we seek to dismantle or discredit it? Of course, we would not.  By teaching it, we risk losing good will and favor with many but by teaching it as Jesus taught it we show respect and fidelity to His supreme authority. May God grant us “a spirit…of power and love and discipline” (2 Tim. 1:7) on this eternally important passage. 

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LANDMINES IN RESOLVING CONFLICT

Neal Pollard

“I.” The late Wendell Winkler once said that beneath most marital conflict is basic selfishness. “What about my needs?” “What have you done for me?” “I am not happy, fulfilled, etc.”  The Bible warns of the destructive nature of selfishness (Luke 9:23; Eph. 4:22,24; Phil. 2:3; 2 Tim. 3:2)! One of the most frequent casualties of selfishness is marital happiness. 

“You.” This is really the other side of the conflict coin that blows up progress and growth in relationships. If selfishness is blind to the needs and concerns of the other person, blame and deflection is the total denial of guilt or shared responsibility. “You don’t treat me right.” “Why don’t you pull your weight?” “You are not enough of ‘X’ or too much of ‘Y’!” Accusation, which puts one’s mate on the defensive, is a poor framework for resolving conflict. The very first couple played the blame game, to no avail and with no success. 

“They.” A mirage is “something that appears real or possible but is not in fact so.” We usually think of a mirage in the desert, an optical illusion created by extreme conditions. How often do married couples in conflict see marital mirages? A couple is hurting, and as they look across the burning sand they see “perfect couples” and “perfect marriages.” We are not helping ourselves by comparing ourselves to what is not what it appears anyway (cf. 2 Cor. 10:12). Every marriage is comprised of flawed, sinful people who are constantly faced with overcoming. Whatever you think you see in other couples “is not in fact so.”

“God.” Now, hear me well. God is the answer to all conflict, if we consult Him. Yet, when we blame God or let conflict affect our faith, then our attitude toward God can become a major landmine preventing resolution. “God doesn’t care.” “God isn’t listening to my cries and prayers.” “Where is God when I need Him?” Trials are going to test our faith, but be careful not to give God credit for blame that rests upon us and our spouses. 

The good news is that “I,” “you,” “they,” and “God” can all play a fruitful role in resolving conflict. When “I” am humble and honest and focus on my role and responsibility, good will result. When “you” are treasured, valued, and sincerely loved, things will start looking up. When “they” are reasonably treated as role-models and inspiration, it can be helpful. When “God” is totally trusted and obeyed, there is no insurmountable problem! I wish marriage had no saboteurs or hazards, but the best of them do. Let’s work to avoid triggering them, trusting that God’s pattern for everything, including marriage, gives us the best shot at success. 

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Recognizing And Resolving Ineffective Problem-Solving

Neal Pollard

FIGHT…WOUND…WITHDRAW…REPENT…REPEAT.

That has never worked, but it’s the way many people approach problems in marriage. And, it’s not only newlyweds. Some people live out a lifetime of handling conflict this way. The sad and dangerous thing is that such a methods of dealing with disagreements can destroy a marriage.

The point of contention arises, whether financial, emotional, spiritual, or physical. The couple argues. One, then the other personalize the issue, attack one another, and exhibit sinful anger. This can escalate to the point that hurting words or actions occur. Finally, exhaustion, hurt or anger stops the fight. Each returns to his or her corner. Each treats his or her wounds or maybe even plots the next move. Soon or later, guilt or remorse overcomes each of them. For either peace or relief, they eventually hit the “kiss and make up” stage. Life then goes on.

Perhaps it is at this juncture that the greatest damage occurs. What did not happen? The cause of the conflict wasn’t resolved. So, what happens? The disagreement about whatever is still a problem. Eventually, it will resurface. Then, the cycle will continue. There will be more FIGHTING, WOUNDING, WITHDRAWING, and REPENTING.

If this system is so agonizingly painful and counterproductive, why is it so commonly practiced? Pride, unwillingness to compromise, selfishness, or inflexibility all may factor in. How can we break this vicious cycle? The answer is easy to come up with, but it requires great discipline and patience to achieve. Consider.

  • Do not let conflict “sneak up on you.” Fatigue, stress, and illness can effect demeanor, even when we’re not conscious of it. Resolve not to react without careful consideration of what you will say or do.
  • Practice the golden rule. Never say or do anything you wouldn’t be happy to hear or receive (Mat. 7:12).
  • Give your mate due courtesy. The Mills Brothers sang, “You always hurt the one you love.” That may be the tendency, but we need to do better than that. Should you speak more harshly and impatiently to your mate than to your boss, employees, neighbors, friends, or attractive stranger? Don’t let familiarity breed contempt.
  • Swallow your pride. Do you feel the need to always be right, to always win? That’s not healthy or conducive to a happy marriage. Pride has damaged innumerable relationships (Prov. 16:18).
  • Act like Jesus. While He wasn’t married, He did interact with many people. Not all of those were friendly. Many were prone to be antagonistic. Jesus preached, “Blessed are the peacemakers” (Mat. 5:9). He also urged conflict resolution as a high priority (Mat. 5:24). Jesus lived a perfect life (1 Pet. 2:22), a life of example for the rest of us (1 Pet. 2:21).

None of us will ever be sin-free and perfect! Disagreements will continually pop up between husbands and wives, simple because no two individuals see everything alike. But, the vicious cycle of fighting, wounding, withdrawing, repenting, and repeating is hurting more marriages than we want to admit. It’s time to get off the roller coaster. Let’s start today!

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How To Improve Your Love Life

Neal Pollard

  • Even when provoked, endure without complaining.
  • Give your spouse a gift (not necessarily monetary) as an act of kindness.
  • Avoid intensely negative feelings toward your spouse’s success and jealousy over them.
  • Avoid an exaggerated conception of yourself or an inflated ego.
  • Avoid behaving in a way that shames, disgraces, or embarrasses your mate.
  • Don’t be selfish and self-centered.
  • Don’t be easily stirred to anger and irritated toward your mate.
  • Don’t keep score.
  • Don’t derive delight and happiness from the sinful in your marriage.
  • Delight in the things that God promotes and delights in.
  • Put up with annoyances and difficulties in your marriage.
  • Have faith in your mate.
  • Think positively about and anticipate the future with your spouse.
  • Dedicate yourself to standing by your mate’s side, for better or worse, in sickness and health, etc.

No, that does not sound like what the world’s “love doctors” will tell you, but it’s a short summary of the 14 characteristics of love that Paul gives as part of the inspired definition of that word (1 Cor. 13:4-7). The love he writes about is that highest form of love, exclusive, totally committed, totally trusting, uplifting, edifying, unselfish, connected to faith and hope.

When we pore over those qualities and see how God defines it, it leaves us fully aware of the fact that each of us, in our relationships, has so much room for growth and improvement in the “love life” of our marriages. My prayer for each of us who is married that, not just on days like today but every day, we will focus on how we can improve the love we demonstrate in our marriages.

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One Of The Hardest Biblical Positions To State

Neal Pollard

There are few statements or pronouncements that are clearer than Jesus’ words in Matthew 19:9, yet perhaps none, in our current culture, is more intimidating to state. Jesus contrasts His will on marriage, divorce, and remarriage with the already existent stance of the Law of Moses. He says, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery” (19:8-9).  From this brief response (the Pharisees ask the question, testing Him in verse three), we see:

  • The teaching transcends time and culture—“From the beginning…and I say to you”
  • The teaching transcends all other authority—“I say”
  • The teaching transcends only believers—“Whoever”
  • The teaching transcends the caveats and conditions men have tried to place on the matter of marriage, divorce, and remarriage (not the specific law with its exception).

Yet, despite the clarity of Jesus on the subject, in the spirit of Christ we want to always approach this with utmost compassion, patience, and tenderness. Souls are at stake. Often, children are involved. Emotions are inevitably involved. A cold, callous treatment of people’s lives will surely draw Divine disapproval. That’s why Jesus’ stated position on this matter is one of the hardest to take. But, that cannot mean that we refuse to stand with Him in His teaching. However, we should ask why it is so hard to stand where the Bible stands on this matter?

—Learned men have stated different positions from this.
—Divorce is so prevalent in our culture.
—All of us have family members who are in marriages that violate Matthew 19:9.
—Marriage involves one of mankind’s greatest drives and needs (cf. Gen. 2:18-25).
—Leadership in more and more congregations refuse to deal with marriage, divorce, and     remarriage in the classroom, pulpit, or the hands-on shepherding of the local church.
—Few of us relish the role of being “the bad guy” (the one who has to break heartbreaking news to husbands and wives).

I could lengthen the list of reasons, and you could add several to it, but if the list grew to hundreds of reasons, we have one sobering, gut-wrenching question to ask, “Do any of them nullify the strength of Jesus’ teaching?” If Matthew 19:9 were not in the Bible, fewer preachers would have lost jobs, fewer elders would have lost favor, and fewer churches would have seen members go to congregations accommodating their marriages. But, Jesus warned that His way was difficult (cf. Matt. 7:14). He tells aghast disciples that discipleship requires whatever sacrifice is necessary to follow Him (Matt. 19:10-12). That message must be shared lovingly, gently, and patiently. There can be no other way (cf. Eph. 4:15). The harsh, unkind, or mean-spirited will deal with the Judge of all (cf. 1 Pet. 4:5; 2 Tim. 4:1). However, what will be the case for those who neglect, change, or distort what Scripture says to accommodate people? Perhaps there’s no way to ask that question without evoking a visceral reaction from those who have reinterpreted Jesus’ words, but in light of eternity it must be asked. Balance looks for biblical truth in between unbiblical extremes. However unpleasant a position that may put us in, that is the place we must always humbly stand. But, the only enduring place to stand is on the rock solid foundation of Christ (cf. Mat. 7:24-27; 1 Co. 3:11). God give us loving, but courageous, hearts to stand there.

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A Lot Happens In 25 Years!

Neal Pollard

Today is Kathy’s and my Silver Anniversary. The day we got married, the president was the first George Bush. Johnny Carson was hosting the Tonight Show (his final show was on our wedding night). Gas was barely over a dollar per gallon. We lived in a sleepy, west Alabama town (the thought of living in either Virginia or Colorado and traveling overseas was nearly as unthinkable as the internet). In some ways, of course, it seems like longer ago than 25 years, but in others it seems like yesterday.  But, you learn a lot along the way—some lessons coming easy but others more difficult.  In 25 years of marriage, here are a few things you learn.

  • You inevitably face some huge tests. There’s pain, tears, and fears, but, with God’s help, they are tests you can pass. While there can be abiding happiness, it does not come without adversity.
  • The road takes unanticipated turns. You are glad you cannot see the future, but that it comes to you only one day at a time. Taken all in all, you would not change the journey.
  • You must guard your heart and your life. The devil does not want couples to stay married, happily or otherwise. You can be drawn away (Jas. 1:13-15), and others can attempt to lure you away from your mate (Prov. 5:15-23). The hearts of married people can become polluted as easily as anyone else’s (Mark 7:21-23). You must guard your heart at all times (Prov. 4:23).
  • Trust is sexy. Untrustworthy behavior, deception, lying, broken promises, etc., is so damaging to a relationship. However, a spouse with a trustworthy character helps create a climate of peace, security, and confidence. This translates to attractiveness. We want those we feel close to. Distrust prevents intimacy.
  • The journey truly grows sweeter. With every change and new phase, there are challenges, losses, and adjustments. But the cumulative intimacy, the battle scars, the moments and memories, the happy days, the sweet surprises, and the rest combine to make an exciting, satisfying journey. Knowing a person better and deeper day after day makes life better, and brings poignancy to the heavenly insight, “It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18; cf. 1 Cor. 11:8-12).
  • The little things are big things. Opening a door, an arm around the shoulder, unloading the dishwasher, love notes, flowers, putting lids up and down, noticing changes in hairstyles and nail polish, appreciating a meal, cleaning up after yourself, and similar “little things” can promote or undermine the overall quality of married life. Life is made up mostly of “little things.”
  • Of all your common interests, nothing compares to serving Christ together. Actions and activities done in service to Him contain better super glue than any hobby, vacation, life event, or mutual interest. Whether hospitality, evangelism, mission work, devotions and worship, Bible study, and such, these shore up the marital foundation and form an incredible, common bond.

Every day requires more practice, persistence, and prayer. Both of us are constantly changing and, hopefully, growing. It’s vital to stay in tune and in touch. But, I count Kathy as the greatest blessing after my soul’s salvation. I shudder to think where I might be without her and thank God that she has been by my side for a quarter of a century. My fervent prayer is that God will continue to bless my days with her heart, mind, and the rest of her and continue to bless my life through her as He has since I met her in August of 1990. My desire is to do my best to reciprocate these very things for her. May He grant me the ability to do so. Happy Anniversary to my favorite writer, my Sweet Pea, my Kathy!

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My dad was one year older than I am today in this picture (taken 5/22/92). 

“Just Divorced”

Neal Pollard

My sweet daughter-in-law, Chelsea, was incensed about how cavalier a “California-based” couple were about their divorce. She sent me the link to the article and it’s hard to believe this is not “fake news” or an April Fool’s joke written on a December day. The BuzzFeed News article, written by Remy Smidt and entitled, “These Parents Threw A Lit ‘Divorce Party’ To Make Their Split Less Awkward,” and subtitled, “Eat, Drink, And Remarry,” features a couple, married more than 20 years. They have two daughters, 20 and 18, who helped them plan their party. There was catered food, drinking, dancing, a “divorce cake,” and a life-sized poster of them both that says “just divorced.” Judging from the many comments below the story, a great many find their idea novel, noble, and neat. The daughters seem happy for them, the couple are cordial and friendly, and all that is missing is a line like “they each, separately, lived happily ever after” (article here).

In Matthew 19:6 and Mark 10:9, Jesus taught, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” In that context, He gives an exception that allows one to divorce and remarry (fornication, Mat. 19:9). Yet, He is anything but lighthearted when He says it. The situation when such divorces occur is most grave. To God, marriage is a sacred, solemn vow that, as is often stated, requires “for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health, until death…” For a myriad of reasons other than Jesus’ stated exception, a great many husbands and wives give up on their marriages. They may not be lighthearted and all smiles, as Michelle Mahoney, Jeff Becerra, Rylie and Emma were, but they have about as much regard for God’s design and intention for marriage as this interesting family.

Through the ups and downs, the give and take, the good times and bad times that are inevitable between a husband and wife throughout time, something beautiful can be built. It requires growth, maturity, unselfishness, compromise, and mutual submission, but as God is the founder of this wonderful institution He knows how we can be best served. His regard for marriage is such that He uses it to illustrate the bond between Christ and the church (Eph. 5:22-34). Our society may be enamored with a disposable approach to something God meant to be permanent but may we be devoted to the daily effort and blessing of something God put in place at the very beginning of time. As we do, we will be blessed for it!

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