Tag: speech

Three Things That Will Rebuild Healthy Communication

Internet technology in all its forms has become such a helpful aid in so many instances. But as with every blessing, Satan stands ready to use it to undermine relationships, destroy community and civility, and wield it to wreak havoc on our mental, social, and spiritual health.

Neal Pollard

In 2024, Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist and professor at NYU, wrote The Anxious Generation: How The Great Rewiring Of Childhood Is Causing An Epidemic Of Mental Illness. While the book is written from a secular, evolutionary world view, it is incredibly insightful and masterfully observant of an extremely troublesome transformation many of us see happening in our world. An entire generation has reached maturity having known and used only smartphones and tablets, consuming the readily available and easily accessible contents of their virtual smorgasbord. This has radically reformed communication at the most basic levels.

Haidt points to four epidemic issues accompanying the mass retreat into the virtual world of a phone-based (versus real life) communication. Online communication is characterized by :

  • Being asynchronous–Not in real-time; Delayed (Building anxiety as one wonders why the other is silent or non-responsive)
  • Lack of embodied signals–Emojis and likes instead of facial expressions and body language (an inadequate substitution)
  • Performative interaction–Posts that perform, project perfection, and are artificial instead of honest, genuine intimacy.
  • Social comparison–Interaction built on comparison which devastates one’s own self-esteem and self-worth

In so many cases, we have lost the ability to communicate and build authentic relationships “here in the real world.” What Haidt suggests for Gen Z will actually help us all, from the oldest living generation down. This technological world, with all its benefits, has assaulted our communication skills.

Practice Face-To-Face Communication. Opt for the face-to-face, or at least the phone call, rather than relying on chats, text messages, and other communication that is not occurring in real time. Think of how much of what God has created us for in this world requires real-time interaction–evangelism, worship, marriage, childrearing, friendship, correction, etc. Biblical passages and principles assume the give and take of people in the same space talking and listening to each other. As the One who made us, He knows how we best operate (Eph. 4:29).

Put Away The Phone. It is simple and seems like eminently common sense, but because our phones are addictive (Haidt and others provide crushingly incontrovertible proof) we lean on them like crutches. Real-time, real connection requires full presence and complete attention to the person in front of us. Conversation and communication can be difficult and requires intentionality, at best, and the massive distraction of our devices fairly cripples our ability to courteously, thoughtfully value the one with whom we’re interacting.

Postpone Online Responses. My wife enacted a policy several years ago to answer social media messages only once per day, early each morning. Her logic is that before the advent of the internet, people had to wait for returned phone calls, snail mail letters, and face-to-face conversation. We’ve become such instant gratification junkies, wanting and needing to stay connected constantly. Ironically, we tend and nurture these virtual communications to the neglect of people we know well in our everyday lives. Do we have to answer those texts (all 50 of them) this very minute? Or can (should) it wait?

Internet technology in all its forms has become such a helpful aid in so many instances. But as with every blessing, Satan stands ready to use it to undermine relationships, destroy community and civility, and wield it to wreak havoc on our mental, social, and spiritual health. Perhaps investing in a bit of old-fashioned, real-life communication skills can help us stem the tide of our massive crisis in connection.

People Skills From God

Dispersed throughout the Bible we find several sections of scripture that teach us how to communicate, empathize, and get along with others effectively. God’s interpersonal skills cannot be matched. As the Creator, He understands exactly how humans think and behave.

Dale Pollard

Some people just seem to be born with great people skills. Perhaps their personality type just naturally draws others to them. While natural ability may give some a leg up, the great news is that anyone can learn to work well with others and you can develop better interpersonal skills. In fact, it’s really a biblical command! The church is made up of all kinds of people and that being the case, we must all be in the people business. Thankfully, our Lord doesn’t leave us high and dry to try and figure these things out on our own. 

Dispersed throughout the Bible we find several sections of scripture that teach us how to communicate, empathize, and get along with others effectively. God’s interpersonal skills cannot be matched. As the Creator, He understands exactly how humans think and behave. Here are twelve insights on interpersonal skills sent to us from above.

 

  1. Speak evil of no one (I Thess. 5:14) 
  2. A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger (Proverbs 15:1) 
  3. The wise of heart is called perceptive, and pleasant speech increases persuasiveness (Proverbs 16:21)
  4. Be gentle and show courtesy to all people (Titus 3:2) 
  5. Do good to everyone (Gal. 6:10) 
  6. Bear one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2)  
  7. As you wish that others would do to you, do so to them (Luke 6:31) 
  8. Discern your own thoughts, identify your intentions (Heb. 4:12) 
  9. Treat others like you would treat Jesus. How would you interact with Him? (Matthew 25:40) 
  10. Season your speech with grace. It’s the saviors All-Spice for every relationship building goal (Col. 4:5-6) 
  11. Praise God and be joyful, it attracts people (Psalm 100:1-5)
  12. Be ready for every good work, speak evil of no one, avoid quarreling, be gentle, show courtesy to all people (Titus 3:1-15) 

Notice how many passages in the Bible command us to speak differently than everyone else? All of these insights can be simply summed up in just one sentence. Talk, walk, and live more like Jesus. He was perfect in every way and that includes how he interacted with others. Modeling ourselves after the Savior will not only improve our relationship skills with others, but also with Him. Jesus also teaches us that no matter how gentle and loving we are, we’ll still make some people upset. That’s alright! As long as we’re acting like the Lord in all things. 

The Most Beautiful Attribute?

Can something commanded also be a thing of beauty? Paul indicates as much to a young man he mentored, showing us how versatile and needed this quality is in a world which needs it to stand out.

Neal Pollard

Some of the most breathtaking moments of my life have been walking through a mountain meadow in summertime. In those high altitudes where snow falls in abundance for many months, the resulting flowers that briefly bloom there seem to stand out all the more against the high, rocky backdrops. While majestic in their own right, those crags and peaks are accented and highlighted by the reds, purples, pinks, violets, and yellows that dot the paths and cling to the alpine hillsides (cf. Matt. 6:29-30). We are set apart from the world and set apart to glorify Him, in part by living holy, consecrated lives. These appropriate beliefs and devout practices that stand out in our world are called “godliness,” an attribute that even bears God’s glorious name.

1 Timothy was written by Paul to Timothy, a young preacher for the church at Ephesus. In 1 Timothy 3:15, he states that the purpose of his writing was to reveal what was proper conduct in the church that belongs to God, and so it is no surprise to see that Paul fills the letter with instructions about how to behave. And it’s also not a surprise that the word “good” occurs 20 times in the letter, and godliness 15 times. Godliness seems to play an especially key role in Paul’s message. 

  • Paul previews what he says in the heart of the letter by saying law exists for, among other, the “ungodly” (1:9).
  • Starting in chapter two, getting down to business (“First of all,” 2:1), he says our attitude toward those in government must be “in all godliness” (2:2) and that Christian women conduct themselves in a way that makes good their claim to “godliness” (2:10).
  • Elders (3:4) and deacons (3:8) must be men of “dignity” (same word), and the women addressed in 3:11 must likewise be “dignified” (same word). Jesus is the embodiment of the “mystery of godliness” (16). 
  • In chapter four, godliness is defined as distinguishing between what lasts and what will not last (4:7-8).
  • In chapter five, godliness is tied to properly treating and caring for our family (5:5–“show piety”).
  • In chapter six, godliness relates to having the right attitude toward wealth and material things (6:3,5,6,11)

Taken as a whole, Paul shows godliness to be crucial in our church life and roles, our personal devotional life, the doctrine we teach, the things we prioritize, the role models we follow, and the way we treat our family. Clearly, godliness must be a part of every facet of our lives; it’s what and who we must be. Nothing is more beautiful than a life that reflects God in thoughts, words, and deeds. Let’s let His Word guide us so that we will properly conduct ourselves as children in His house. 

Top 10 Scriptural Social Skills

What would you add to the list?

Dale Pollard

  1. Sharpen your perception because, “The wise of heart is called perceptive, and pleasant speech increases persuasiveness” (Proverbs 16:21) 
  2. Be gentle and…
  3. show courtesy to all people (Titus 3:2) 
  4. Do all the good you’re able do to for somebody else (Gal. 6:10) 
  5. Pick up stuff for other people spiritually and physically— if you’ve got a strong back. Bear one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2) 
  6. Be golden. As you wish that others would do to you, do so to them (Luke 6:31) 
  7. Understand what makes your own mind turn. Discern your own thoughts, identify your intentions (Heb. 4:12) 
  8. Talk to others like you would talk Jesus. How would you interact with 
    Him? (Matthew 25:40) 
  9. Grace is like the Savior’s All-Spice seasoning; use it on every relationship (Col. 4:5-6)
  10. Don’t underestimate the power of joy. Also, try and use your face to show it so your joyfulness isn’t your best kept secret. Praise God and be joyful as it attracts both the people that you need and people that need you— a win-win! (Psalm 100:1-5)

SELF-INFLICTED WOUNDS

Dale Pollard

The sound of devils crying in the night reminded early colonists of Tasmania of mythical hellhounds. As terrifying as their screams sound, Tasmanian devils aren’t much of a danger to humans— but they are to each other. 

Not so long ago a vicious cancer began killing these animals and the initial cause of the disease was a mystery. As scientists began studying them they discovered that the cancerous tumors were self-inflicted! It’s not uncommon for the Tasmanian devils to fight and bite one another over a carcass or the rights to a female. 

The devil’s ears will burn a bright red color when they’re upset but when they lash out at one another they  further their own extinction. The bite wounds develop into a mutating cancer that will grow until eventually they succumb to the disease— or starvation. 

At times people can also be guilty of destroying one another. Not with teeth, but through gossip and sadly the church isn’t immune to this disease, either. It’s no wonder that God warns us about the dangers time and again through His Word (Proverbs 11:13; 20:19). 

“But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another.” – Galatians 5.15 

Three Ways To Guard Against Gossip 

  1. Avoid being a spreader. It will build your integrity and trustworthiness. 
  2. Make it a point to speak highly of the person being slandered. 
  3. Offer biblical solutions instead of contributing to the gossip. This assumes the person spreading the gossip is genuinely concerned about the person(s) they’re talking about. Have they confronted the subject of their gossip (Matt. 18.15-20)? If they’re unwilling to act but willing to talk— avoid them. 

Taming The Tongue

Carl Pollard

Water is an unstoppable force. Every year, 40 billion dollars worth of damage is caused by flash floods around the world. There’s nothing you can do to stop a tsunami, a flooded river, or a tidal wave. Water is powerful. Just go to the ocean and try to fight against the waves as they crash into the beach. I ain’t exactly a small guy, last I checked I was 186 pounds (more like kilograms…), and I get thrown around like a rag doll by the waves. 

There are certain parts of God’s creation that are a reminder of His power. No matter what advancements we make, what towns and cities we build, they can be wiped out in seconds by what we call “natural disasters.” I want you to picture in your mind a roaring river. Think of the trees that are swept away, the damage that occurs as a million pounds of water flood a river bed. Let’s read James 3, and keep that image in our minds. 

The tongue is James’ focus as we read verses 1-12. The small muscle behind your teeth is a source of great destruction. James, the half brother of Jesus, paints a vivid picture of the tongue. He describes it basically as a weapon of mass destruction. 

And for good reason. Just like a tidal wave can cause billions in damage, the tongue causes all kinds of terrible destruction. The human race as a whole speaks a staggering amount of words every single day. Let’s do the math. The average person speaks between 18-25 thousand words a day. With around 8 billion people on the planet we’re looking at around 150 trillion words that are said every day. 

And God listens to every single one, He remembers every word. Sadly, the overwhelming majority of those words are evil. And that’s exactly what James is trying to address in this section of scripture. As Christians, the words we speak should be different from the rest of the world. 

Leading up to chapter 3, James has just finished a discussion on faith and works. 

Faith without any works is dead. If your faith in God isn’t actually affecting what you do, then it is a dead faith, and it is useless. Even the demons believe, but they don’t change their lifestyle. Immediately after this section he talks about the tongue. That’s because there is a strong connection between the heart and the tongue. Your faith and your words are tied hand in hand. How you use your words, what you say to others, is essential to your salvation. If you can’t guard your words, your faith is dead. The transformation of the tongue is essential. It may be the single greatest proof that you really are a Christian.

We must tame the tongue because we are judged by our words. James 3:1 says, ”Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.” I’ve got to be honest, as a teacher this verse is a very sobering reminder. Each Sunday, I get up and speak, and how my words impact people’s faith is seen by God. James says, don’t take the role of teacher without seriously examining your motives. When you teach, God is going to be stricter with His judgment of you. When we accept the responsibility to teach the word of truth, we will give an account for what we teach. 

Keep in mind, as Christians we are expected to teach others and become teachers (Heb. 6, Matt. 28:18-20). So what is James saying? In the first century many wanted to become teachers for the wrong reason. They had bad intentions. Teachers in the first century were highly regarded and were elevated in society. Many were motivated to teach, not because they wanted to share the word, but because they wanted power and influence. James says later on that these teachers were speaking out of selfish ambition and jealousy (3:14). So James is saying, unless you’re doing it for the right reasons, don’t become a teacher! Because by our words we are judged, and as a teacher, that judgment is even more severe. 

In His ministry, Jesus linked the heart directly to our words. In Matthew 12:34-35, He says, “You snakes! You are so evil. How can you say anything good? What people say with their mouths comes from what fills their hearts. Those who are good have good things saved in their hearts. That’s why they say good things. But those who are evil have hearts full of evil, and that’s why they say things that are evil.” The heart is the issue. If you want to know the spiritual state of the heart, listen to your words. They are controlled solely by your heart. And that is why Jesus says we will be judged by our words, because what we say is written on our hearts.

In Matthew 12:36-37, He continues, ”I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” On that final day, God will look at the sum total of your words, and He will know all He needs to know about the condition of your heart. 

As a side note, if you struggle with feelings of doubt about your salvation, just keep track of what you say. If your words are filled with love, encouragement and praise, you can be sure of your salvation. But if your speech toward others is filled with lying, hate, gossip and insults, God will judge your heart by what He hears. So start controlling your tongue! Start encouraging each other, start sharing the gospel! Because the words filled with love bring about salvation, but the words filled with resentment, hate, gossip, and anger will send us into torment for all eternity. 

Why should we be so concerned about taming our tongue? Because one day, we will be judged by every word we have said.

A Recipe For Successful Living

Neal Pollard
  • Concerning Money: Don’t judge a book by its cover (7). The wealthy face threats and dangers that the poor do not (8). Get rich quick schemes usually fail (11). People who are “too smart” to learn earn poverty and disgrace (18). A good name is better than wealth (22; cf. 22:1). The resources of the poor are often robbed by injustice (23).
  • Concerning Desire: You can tell a lot about a person by what he wants (2). Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life (12). A desire fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but to turn away from evil is an abomination to fools (19). Godliness with contentment is great gain (25; cf. 1 Tim. 6:7). 
  • Concerning Laziness: The lazy person wants but never gets, but the hard worker gets by diligence (4). 
  • Concerning Teachability: A scoffer ignores rebuke (1). The wise take advice, but strife follows the rebellious (10). Those who hate the word destroy themselves (13). Good teaching is a fountain of life helping us avoid deadly traps (14). Every prudent man acts with knowledge, but a fool flaunts his folly (16). 
  • Concerning Speech: The difference between life and ruin is determined by how well you control your tongue (3; Jas. 3:2ff). A faithful messenger brings healing (17). 
  • Concerning Character: The righteous hate falsehood (5). Righteousness paves a protected path (6). The light of the righteous rejoices (9). The righteous are rewarded with good, not disaster (21). The righteous have enough, but the wicked never do (25). 
  • Concerning Common Sense: Good sense wins favor (15). Every prudent man acts with knowledge (16). 
  • Concerning Friends: To be wise, walk with the wise (20). 
  • Concerning Child Training: Spare the rod, spoil the child (24). 

Proverbs are general truths, tried and found to be the rule rather than the exception. All of God’s Word serves as a guidepost for success in every way it can be measured. These proverbs are short, insightful, and inspired tidbits of helpful guidance, intended to help us know the way to strengthen our relationships and steward our resources. Many are the sad, foolish persons who ignored these instructions to their own hurt. Many who thought they came up with brilliant insights do not know that they are merely echoing the sounds of God’s wisdom. 

Winning Words

Dale Pollard

Ephesians 4.29 says, 

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” 

If you were to open up any Greek interlinear (like in the BlueLetter Bible app) and look at the key words in this verse it becomes even more practical. 

Unwholesome: 

“Rotten, putrefied” 

Helpful: 

“good, pleasant, agreeable, joyful, happy” 

Benefit: 

“that which affords joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, loveliness: grace of speech” 

There are three rules for winning words in Ephesians 4.29 and they are… 

1. Don’t let anything rotten come from your mouth. If it comes from a bad place keep your mouth shut. 

2. If it doesn’t build someone up don’t say it. Our ultimate goal must be to promote growth and if it doesn’t do that, it’s not worth saying. 

3. If It doesn’t bring delight, show grace, or joy in the end— don’t say it. 

This is the way Jesus treats us. If it’s God’s approach then who are we to say otherwise? No excuse, situation, or feeling should remove grace from the words we say. 

A Uniting Emphasis

Neal Pollard

Inevitably, every congregation of God’s people has an overriding emphasis. It’s probably the thing that the community, if it knows about them, associates them with. It could be the thing that the entire brotherhood associates them with. It’s almost certainly the thing those who attend there understand it to be. The same is true of you and me. It’s true of our families, our marriages, and our individual selves. Something is so important in our lives that it is what people think of when they think of us. What is that? What should it be?

Corinth had developed a reputation, as Chloe’s household reported, for quarreling (1:12). That was a problem! Paul is writing this letter, in part, to help them right the ship and move in the proper direction (1:10). How did he propose to do that?

WHAT NOT TO EMPHASIZE

  • Superiority Of Speech (1)–This was not going to help. His goal was proclaiming to them the testimony of God. Saying it in high, lofty ways would be a hindrance rather than a help. The remedy was much, much simpler. 
  • Human Wisdom (1)–He has already told them why this was counterproductive. Human wisdom led to thinking the cross of Christ is foolish (1:22-23). Two, the “foolishness” of God (1:21) was wiser than men (1:25). Third, not many who are wise according to the flesh answer God’s call (1:26). Fourth, God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise (1:27). Fifth, Jesus became wisdom from God to us (1:30). So often, the foundation of man’s capacity to understand and function from that understanding is faulty. Logic, reasoning, and understanding devoid of God’s wisdom is destined to destroy and divide. 
  • Persuasive Words Of Wisdom (4-5)–If human wisdom is the cause, persuasive words of wisdom is the effect. Listen to the world’s experts in just about any discipline. If they do not ignore God’s plan and His way, they mock and ridicule it. They even rail against it. To those who refuse to take the time and effort to scrutinize those persuasive words, it may sound intelligent or at least adequate to build their lives on. Tragically, their persuasive words are spiritual sand (Mat. 7:24-27). 

WHAT TO EMPHASIZE

  • Jesus Christ And Him Crucified (2)–Paul has laid the groundwork for this at the very beginning of the letter. When a people are known for divisiveness, they need to train their eyes on the crucified Lord. If we let His love and sacrifice dominate our thinking and focus, there is NO WAY we will let our selfish agenda, pride, or hunger to be in charge. This emphasis trumps being entertained, being unconditionally tolerant, being Pharisaical, being comfortable, or being a social club. 
  • Demonstration Of The Spirit And Of Power (4)–What will happen if we base our plans, our budgets, and our works on what God can do through us? What if what we hear when we assemble for worship or get together for fellowship is God’s thoughts and ways? That’s what Paul wanted Corinth’s faith to be in.
  • The Wisdom Of God (5-9)–Human wisdom led Jesus to be crucified in the first place. God accomplished His eternal purpose through it, but the rulers of Jesus’ day did not kill Him on a cross with that understanding. It was God’s wisdom, revealed by the Spirit, that Paul is speaking about when he says, “Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, And which have not entered the heart of man, All that God has prepared for those who love Him” (9). This quotation of Isaiah 64:4 is not a reference to heaven. Many have quoted 1 Corinthians 2:9 to say that heaven is going to be greater than anything we’ve seen, heard, or even dreamed of. That’s a true sentiment, but it is NOT what Paul is talking about here. He’s talking about something the Spirit has already revealed (10), the revelation of God’s Word. That must be our emphasis!
  • The Spirit’s Revelation (10-16)–This is what to preach and practice. Paul gives insight into the process that brought us Scripture. The Spirit searches the deep things of God (10), gives it to us (12), teaches us, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words (13), and reveals the mind of Christ (16). Jesus promised that this would come to fruition (John 14:26; 16:13), and this letter to Corinth was part of that process. How do we know what we SHOULD emphasize? We need to consult the “mind of Christ” found on the pages of the New Testament. 

Wouldn’t it be great if our congregation, with every single member in it, had the reputation in our brotherhood and our community as a people so full of the saving message of Jesus and Him crucified that it consumed our thinking and actions and drove our purpose and our mission? I want to be able to say with integrity, “I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.” 

Active Listening and Empathy: Job’s Friends and Their Failures

Brent Pollard

One notices how frequently Job dismisses his “friends” as poor comforters when reading Job. This accusation is not surprising, given that Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar were all involved in Satan’s trial of Job. However, the devil took advantage of an all-too-common human flaw: a lack of active listening skills. Job’s companions were more interested in displaying their wisdom than listening to what he said.

The three guests should have listened to Job before passing judgment on him, but they were too full of themselves to do so. Job’s frustration with his friends’ inane chatter is a clear speech and active listening lesson. Active listening, which entails paying attention, demonstrating comprehension, and responding appropriately to the speaker’s emotions and needs, is highly valued in psychological studies.

Here are seven ways Job points out the failings of Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar.

  1. They possessed superficial understanding. Job condemns his companions for their insensitivity and failure to comprehend his predicament. He feels they can’t possibly understand how much pain he’s been through or how complicated his life has been (cf. Job 16.2; 19.2).
  2. They made false assumptions. Job accuses his friends of making incorrect assumptions about his character and actions. They imply that Job’s suffering directly results from some hidden sin or wrongdoing, which Job emphatically denies (cf. Job 11.2-3).
  3. They lacked compassion. Job condemns his friends’ callous behavior. He believes they care more about proving their theological points than comforting him in his suffering (cf. Job 6.14–15).
  4. They offered empty words. Job criticizes his friends’ meaningless and empty speech. He claims that rather than relieving his distress, their words made it worse (cf. Job 16.2-3).
  5. They needed to provide more adequate explanations. When Job’s friends try to explain away his pain, Job questions their motives. He considers their theological justifications flimsy at best (cf. Job 21.34).
  6. They should have offered practical help. Job expresses dissatisfaction with his friends’ lack of helpful assistance or support. He expected them to be there for him in his hour of need, but they fell short (cf. Job 6.14).
  7. They lacked empathy. Job accuses his friends of being uncaring and failing to put themselves in his shoes. He thinks they cannot comprehend his suffering (cf. Job 19.21).

As previously stated, these men took part in Satan’s trial of Job. As a result, he allowed them to show off their flaws. The devil employs three methods of temptation, one of which is boastful pride in one’s own life. Pride indeed compelled Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar to be lousy comforters. 

But what about you and me when faced with the trials of a friend? Can’t we also be bad comforters? To make this more concrete, consider the following reasons for failure that do not involve pride or poor active listening skills:

We are uncomfortable. Empathy is the ability to connect with and comprehend the emotions of others, including their pain, sadness, or distress. People may sometimes find it emotionally difficult to confront or experience those intense emotions. This discomfort can make genuine empathy challenging to express.

We need more life experience to be able to assist. It can be difficult to empathize with an experience one has not personally experienced. When there is no direct personal reference point to draw on, understanding and relating to someone’s emotions and struggles may be more difficult.

We are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. People may be concerned about saying the wrong thing or causing additional distress. Fear of saying something insensitive or inadequate can lead to a reluctance to express empathy.

We are concerned about cultural, ethnic, or socioeconomic barriers. We are hesitant to lend a helping hand because we do not share common bonds, such as culture, ethnicity, educational attainment, etc., with those needing our understanding. These things indeed impact our interactions with others, for better or worse, but unfortunately, they can and do become obstacles. This fact is especially true in modern society, which goes out of its way to emphasize such differences between people of different backgrounds and experiences for political purposes. Nobody wants to be labeled an “ist” for inadvertently touching culturally sacred cows. 

We are unable or unwilling to see things from a different perspective. I am not suggesting that we ignore sin. However, someone may see things differently than we do. How good are we at looking at things from different angles? Empathy necessitates understanding another person’s emotions and experiences from their point of view.

We are exhausted and overwhelmed. If you are already a caregiver for someone else, you may have already expended a lot of emotional energy dealing with their needs. Unfortunately, these personality types attract those needing assistance while being harder on themselves by refusing to say “no” to those in need. As a result, a person wants to help but is emotionally “running on empty.”

We need effective communication skills. Listening entails more than just our ears picking up on the sounds made by others. Indeed, the brain must assign meaning to those sounds. We must allow our minds to process what others say. We call this action active listening. Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar lacked this ability. If we only want to offer advice, we will focus on a few words and practice our response without giving the other person a fair hearing. Or we won’t listen because we’ve already decided what we will say based on what we think we know about the situation. Active listening, like Biblical love (agape), necessitates effort.

The story of Job is one of human connection and communication in the face of adversity. We are encouraged to confront our fears, discomfort, and insecurities to practice active listening, genuine empathy, and love that embraces the other’s pain in shared sorrow and hope. In a superficial world, listening is witnessing another’s soul; the greatest gift we can give in times of suffering is to hear others. This sacred act of listening best expresses our shared humanity and journey through life’s frequently turbulent sea. May we reassure those around us by genuinely listening to their stories instead of offering rash advice or superficial comfort. As Job teaches us, listening is invaluable to someone who is hurting.

Live Like God

Wednesday’s Column: Third’s Words

Gary Pollard

How does God expect us to treat each other as a church family? Look at Ephesians 4 and 5 —  

  • Always be humble and gentle (2). 
  • Be patient and accept each other with love (2). 
  • Be unified through God’s spirit (3-6). 
  • Use any talents and abilities to make the church stronger (11-12).
  • Work together as a church to reach a greater level of spiritual maturity (13-16). 
  • Avoid living like the world, because they can’t have the life God gives (17-24). 
  • Avoid telling lies, and always be truthful with our Christian family (25).
  • Avoid getting too angry, because it gives satan a way to defeat us (26-27). 
  • Avoid stealing, instead work for what we need and share with those who need it (28).  
  • Avoid cursing and hateful speech, instead encourage people (σαπρος means rotten speech) because we can make God sad with our speech (29-30). 
  • Avoid being bitter, angry, or mad, don’t raise your voice when mad, or say things that hurt other people, and don’t do anything evil (31). 
  • Be kind and loving to each other, and forgive each other just like God forgives us (32). 

“Do As I Say, Not As I Do” 

Thursday’s Column: Captain’s Blog

Carl Pollard

At the 1993 annual meeting of The American Heart Association, 300,000 doctors, nurses, and researchers met in Atlanta to discuss, among other things, the importance a low fat diet plays in keeping our hearts healthy. Yet during meal times, they consumed fat-filled fast foods such as bacon cheeseburgers and fries at about the same rate as people from other conventions. When one cardiologist was asked whether or not his partaking in high fat meals set a bad example, he replied, “Not me, because I took my name tag off.”

Seeing hypocrisy in the church has caused many people to fall away. Sadly there are some who claim to be Christians, and it’s in name only. These people often give the church a bad reputation. Many in the world look at the church and say that it runs rampant with hypocritical people. 

Being a Christian means following Christ all the time. No natter the circumstances. We can’t just “take our name tag off” so to speak. People are always watching. They’re looking to us on how to act. 1 Thessalonians 2:9 reads, “For you recall, brethren, our labor and hardship, how working night and day so as not to be a burden to any of you, we proclaimed to you the gospel of God.” 

Paul and the other apostles showed the Christians at Thessalonica, by example, how to act. Notice what Paul says: “For you recall, brethren, our labor and hardship.” The Thessalonians could look back and remember the example that the Apostles gave for them to follow. Are we like this? Or are we all talk? People will follow the examples that our actions portray. 

The example that our actions set are powerful. 

So the question is, “what kind of example are we setting?” We can have only two types of example–good or bad. Our example, whether good or bad, can decide the eternal fate of those that see our actions. Paul and the apostles set a great example for the church at Thessalonica. 

Paul writes in Philippians 4:9, “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” We see from this how Paul’s example was so good that he tells the Philippians to practice it and God would be with them. Are we confident enough to say this to another Christian? We must be careful that we show by the way we live that we truly believe what we preach to others. 

God Owns My Mouth

Thursday’s Column: Captain’s Blog

Carl Pollard

In Psalm 19:14, David says, “May the words of my mouth be acceptable in your sight.” Knowing that the author of scripture is God Almighty, David hopes that the words he speaks would be impacted by his knowledge of the Law. Shouldn’t we long for the same thing as Christians? We know who the author of the Bible is, we understand the way we are called to live and speak, and that should influence our words. The Bible is very clear on how we are to speak. 

Our words are a direct reflection of our faith. James 1:26, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” Do you call yourself a Christian but fail to control your words? James would say we are deceiving ourselves. Our speech is directly impacted by our religion. Our faith should change our speech and make it stand out from the world. 

The Bible also gives us a very sobering warning in Matthew 12:36-37. Jesus says, “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” On that day will we find justification or condemnation from the words we have spoken? We should use this knowledge to help guard our speech. 
Scripture also tells us in Luke 6:45 that, “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” We can know the condition of our hearts by what is contained in our words. 


Our tongue has a way of getting us in trouble. Ever heard the saying, “Keep your words soft and sweet because you never know when you may have to eat them”? We can do a lot of damage if we aren’t careful.

On every car there’s this handy little device called a fuel filter. A fuel filter is in between your car’s engine and the gas tank. Its job is to keep all the sediment and dirt that accumulates in the gas tank over time from getting to the engine. Basically it keeps impurities from destroying your engine. Our words need a fuel filter between the mind and the mouth. Think about what you are about to say. Is it impure or harmful in any way? Don’t say it. President Calvin Coolidge was famously known as a man of few words. His nickname was “Silent Cal.” His wife, Grace Goodhue Coolidge, told the story of a young woman who sat next to her husband at a dinner party. She told Coolidge she had a bet with a friend that she could get at least three words of conversation from him. Without looking at her he quietly retorted, “You lose.” Coolidge understood very well the value of using only carefully considered words—and those being few in number.


We filter our words and carefully choose them because, like David, we understand who we belong to when we are Christians. God now owns our words and we use them to glorify Him in everything. God’s Word should affect our own words.

Thee, Thou, Thy, And Thine

Wednesday’s Column: Third’s Words

Gary Pollard

A prominent religious group is pretty well-known for their use of archaic pronouns in prayer. When asked about it, their official response is (paraphrased), “It’s more reverent and respectful,” (ldsliving.com). They believe that prayer is something that requires a special vocabulary, one that demonstrates a deeper respect for God. 

We do it, too, and for the same reasons they cite. I would like to offer some points to consider: 

1. Early Modern English does not demonstrate a greater level of respect. Why not use Middle English? Why not use Greek or Hebrew or Latin or Aramaic? From a purely linguistic standpoint, thee/thou/thine are not more formal in this century, and haven’t been for roughly three centuries (Yaswen, University of Toronto). Reverence comes from the heart. It is not something that can be invoked with a special vocabulary. 

2. It can be detrimental to evanglism. God expects us to emulate our culture as long as it doesn’t violate his law (I Cor 9.19-27). Many non-religious people, when talking about religious things, will switch to archaic, exaggerated English to highlight the oddness of religious people. An example in mainstream culture is the show Supernatural. One of the main characters reads something with archaic wording to another main character. When asked about it, his response was, “…that’s how God talks” (S8, E19). If our goal is to reach the lost, we should try to avoid potential obstacles (that aren’t related to doctrinal issues). When we invite them to worship, hearing, “Well-pleasing in thy sight,” or, “This, thy table,” or, “We thank thee, father,” etc. may reinforce Christianity’s irrelevance/social incompatibility in their minds. 

3. Biblical prayers do not teach a pattern of special language at all. Jesus’ example prayer was very simple (Matthew 6). Paul’s prayers did not differ from his conversational language (Eph 1.18; 3.14ff; Rom 1.8-10; 15.30-33; I Cor 1.4ff; II Cor 1.3ff; 9.12ff; Col 4.2ff; I Thess 3.9ff; 5.23f; II Tim 1.16ff; Philemon 4ff). No New Testament example suggests that using anything other than conversational language is superior. What does matter is our spiritual state when we pray (Jn 9.31; I Pt 3.7; I Tim 2.8). 

To be very clear, this is not a salvation issue at all. This is not even an indictment those who use Early Modern English pronouns in prayer. I strongly believe that Christians who pray or direct worship using old English have pure motives and are simply doing what they think most honors God! Hopefully this will serve as encouragement to evaluate our approach to prayer and worship so we can most effectively lead people to God. 

“To the Jews I became like a Jew so that I could help save them…to those who don’t practice the Law I became like someone who doesn’t practice the Law to help save them (though I am still ruled by Christ’s law). To those who are weak, I became weak so that I could help save them. I did this so that I could save people in any way possible. I do all this to make the Good News known. I do this so I can share in the blessings of the Good News” (I Cor 9.20-23). 

Twelve Ultimate People Skills

Tuesday’s Column: Dale Mail

Dale Pollard


Some people just seem to be born with great people skills. Perhaps their personality type just naturally draws others to them. While natural ability may give some a leg up, the great news is that anyone can learn to work well with others and you can develop better interpersonal skills. In fact, it’s really a biblical command!

The church is made up of all kinds of people and that being the case, we must all be in the people business. Thankfully, our Lord doesn’t leave us high and dry to try and figure these things out on our own. Dispersed throughout the Bible we find several sections of scripture that teach us how to communicate, empathize, and get along with others effectively. God’s interpersonal skills cannot be matched. As the Creator, He understands exactly how humans think and behave. Here are twelve insights on interpersonal skills sent to us from above.

1. Speak evil of no one (I Thess. 5:14)

2. A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger(Proverbs 15:1)

3. The wise of heart is called perceptive, and pleasant speech increasespersuasiveness (Proverbs 16:21)

4. Be gentle and show courtesy to all people (Titus 3:2)

5. Do good to everyone (Gal. 6:10)

6. Bear one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2)

7. As you wish that others would do to you, do so to them (Luke 6:31)

8. Discern your own thoughts, identify your intentions (Heb. 4:12)

9. Treat others like you would treat Jesus. How would you interact withHim? (Matthew 25:40)

10. Season your speech with grace. It’s the saviors All-Spice for everyrelationship building goal (Col. 4:5-6)

11. Praise God and be joyful, it attracts people (Psalm 100:1-5)

12.Be ready for every good work, speak evil of no one, avoid quarreling, begentle, show courtesy to all people (Titus 3:1-15)

Notice how many passages in the Bible command us to speak differently than everyone else? All of these insights can be simply summed up in just one sentence. Talk, walk, and live more like Jesus. He was perfect in every way and that includes how he interacted with others. Modeling ourselves after the Savior will not only improve our relationship skills with others, but also with Him.

Jesus also teaches us that no matter how gentle and loving we are, we’ll still make some people upset. That’s alright! As long as we’re acting like the Lord in all things.

My Mouth’s Motivation

Thursday’s Column: Captain’s Blog

Carl Pollard

In Psalm 19:14 David says, “may the words of my mouth be acceptable in your sight.” In the previous verses of this chapter David writes about the perfect law of the Lord. Moved by the knowledge that the author of scripture is God almighty, David hopes that the words he speaks would be impacted by his knowledge of the Law. This is something we must long for as Christians. We know who the author of the Bible is, we understand the way we are called to live and speak, and that should influence our words. The Bible is very clear on how we are to speak.

Our words are a direct reflection of our faith. James 1:26, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” Do we call ourselves Christians but fail to control our words? James would say we are deceiving ourselves. Our speech is directly impacted by our religion. Our faith should change our speech and make it stand out from the world.

The Bible also gives us a very sobering warning in Matthew 12:36. Jesus says, “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, 37 for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” On that day will we find justification or condemnation from the words we have spoken? We should use this knowledge to help guard our speech.

Scripture also tells us in Luke 6:45 that, “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” We can know the condition of our hearts by what is contained in our words.

Our tongue has a way of getting us in trouble. Ever heard the saying, “keep your words soft and sweet because you never know when you may have to eat them”?We can do a lot of damage if we aren’t careful. On every car there’s this handy little device called a fuel filter. A fuel filter is in between your car’s engine and the gas tank. Its job is to keep all the sediment and dirt that accumulates in the gas tank over time from getting to the engine. Basically it keeps impurities from destroying your engine. Our words need a fuel filter between the mind and the mouth. Think about what we are about to say. Is it impure or harmful in any way? Then don’t say it.

President Calvin Coolidge was famously known as a man of few words. His nickname was “Silent Cal.” His wife, Grace Goodhue Coolidge, told the story of a young woman who sat next to her husband at a dinner party. She told Coolidge she had a bet with a friend that she could get at least three words of conversation from him. Without looking at her he quietly retorted, “You lose.” Coolidge understood very well the value of using only carefully considered words—and those being few in number. We filter our words and carefully choose them because like David, we understand who we belong to when we are Christians. God now owns our words and we use them to glorify Him in everything.

Psalm 19 is a beautiful tribute to the perfection of Scripture. Like David, each one of us should strive to let God’s word motivate us to live more like Christ in every way.

7000 Chances

Friday’s Column: Captain’s Blog

carl emily truck

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Carl Pollard

Research shows that the average person speaks at least 7,000 words a day, while many (you know who you are) speak much more than that. Think about what that means. 7000 words that will leave an imprint on those who hear. That’s an incredible opportunity that we are given…or maybe it’s a bad thing?
 
How do we use our words? As Christians those 7000 words should help us fulfill the command given to “make disciples” (Mt. 28:18-20). That begs the question, what should those 7000 words contain? Even more, what am I saying with those words?
 
We have the responsibility to share the good news with others, so what are my words doing to help accomplish this goal? Colossians 4:6 tells us what our daily speech should consist of. But first, notice the context. Colossians 4:5 says, “walk in wisdom towards outsiders, making the best use of the time.”
 
We have been called to make the best use of the time. Ephesians 5:15-16 reads, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” How do we do this? Colossians 4:6 tells us it’s by talking the right way. “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”
 
If we want to walk with wisdom and be effective towards those in the world, we must use the proper words. As Christians, our speech should be attractive. “Let you speech always be gracious.” Gracious is defined as, “A winning quality or attractiveness that invites a favorable reaction.” What does it mean to look attractive? We use this word to describe someone or something that has favorable qualities that we enjoy. Applying that to our speech, it must ALWAYS be described this way. There should never a moment where we stop.
 
Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” We want people to leave conversations feeling better than when they first saw us. We want people to see Jesus in our speech.
 
We must always try our best to use attractive words. Always look for ways to encourage and help others with our speech. This means on the internet or in person. Our words are attractive when they are sincere and honest. We are called to have attractive speech, and the words we use must be genuine and real. Not saying them to sound holy or to look good, but out of love and concern for the souls of those who hear.
Got to see these two Huntsville area preachers and their lovely wives Wednesday night.

THE POSITIVE USE OF THE TONGUE

Neal Pollard

David spoke of his tongue as a pen (Ps. 45:1) and his enemies’ tongues as sharp swords (Ps. 57:4). We learn that God hates a tongue which forms lies (Prov. 6:17).  Isaiah prophesied a future time so happy that it would case “the tongue of the dumb [to] sing” (Isa. 35:6). The ungodly tongue is described by Jeremiah as a “deadly arrow” (Jer. 9:8). James calls the unruly tongue a “fire” (Js. 3:6).

The tongue is unique among the body’s members.  It has so many uses. With taste buds, it judges the palatability of the food we consume. With sensitive nerves, it screens the temperatures of the food and drink which enter the mouth.  William McPherson, who lost his sense of sight, hearing, and all four limbs in a mining explosion, used his tongue to read the Bible in Braille. Coordinating with brain and various, undergirding muscles, the tongue is that powerful tool of communication responsible for speech and song.  Like so much of what God created, it is a neutral invention.  According to how it is used, the tongue is either a blessing or curse upon families, communities, and nations.  Benjamin Franklin wrote, “A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.”  How can we identify a tongue positively used?

A POSITIVE TONGUE WILL NOT BACKBITE.  Those who wield their tongues positively will say something nice, or at least say nothing at all, about an occupant on the “rumor mill.”  in fact, we should use our tongues to stop the backbiting of others (Prov. 25:23).  A Welsh proverb goes, “Lord, remind us often that a gossip’s mouth is the devil’s mailbag.”  Remember, there’s only one thing more difficult than unscrambling an egg and that’s unspreading a rumor.  We wish only the best for others.  We don’t want to contribute to another’s harm or embarrassment by saying or repeating something evil about them behind their back (Ps. 15:1; Rom. 1:30; 2 Cor. 12:20).

A POSITIVE TONGUE WILL SPEAK GOD’S WORD.  On multiple occasions, the psalmist pledged to use his tongue this way (71:24; 119:172).   When opportunities with our neighbors and friends clearly present themselves, how can we refrain our tongues from speaking Bible truth and divine expectations? When the Bible is disparaged in our presence, how can we hold back our tongues from defending words more precious than gold? God’s Word contain “glad tidings” (Acts 13:32; Lk. 8:1; Rom. 10:15).

A POSITIVE TONGUE WILL SPEAK WHOLESOME WORDS. The Bible praises those who use wholesome words (Prov. 15:4; 1 Tim. 6:5). Profanity, vulgar stories, suggestive language and sexual innuendos do not drop off of a positive, wholesome tongue. Instead, we speak words that improve and sustain our good character.

A POSITIVE TONGUE WILL BE BRIDLED. That’s how you know who is religious (Js. 1:26).  A hot head and a positive tongue don’t rest in the same skull. A blessing tongue and a cursing tongue do not lead to the same end (1 Pet. 3:10-11). A hypocritical tongue and a sincere tongue cannot belong to the same individual (1 Jn. 3:18).  Self-control includes tongue-control.

Someone has written, “To speak kindly does not hurt the tongue.”  It may only be about three inches long, but it can be trained not to do miles of damage. It can be positively controlled.  A bridle for the tongue is a necessary tool which, when used, will cause one to be a shining light in the house of God.

Foul

Wednesday’s Column: Third’s Words

Gary III

Gary Pollard

This word has no positive meaning. Fouling on a spark plug means it’s time to replace it. A foul smell is an unpleasant one. Fouling in the barrel means it’s time to clean your gun. In sports, a foul is usually bad for your team.
 
In older English translations, “foul” is used to describe something impure, unholy, or evil (Mark 5.8; Luke 6.18; Revelation 16.13). Regardless, we understand that something foul is not what we want attributed to our character or in contact with our senses.
 
Are our words foul (Eph. 4.29)? Unwholesome here is σαπρός (sapros), which means “rotten, bad, or harmful.” It describes any kind of speech that has no positive effect or worth. Christians, there is no world in which cursing is excluded from this definition.
 
Consider the following:
 
I Corinthians 9.19ff encourages us to follow culture as long as it doesn’t violate God’s law. Even our secular culture recognizes that some words are not appropriate. Every culture has a set of words, phrases, postures, etc. that are offensive or recognized as inappropriate. These are σαπρός, and have no place in our lives.
 
I Peter 3.10 points out that our words have an effect on our quality of life. This includes avoiding lies and evil speech. Evil here is κακός (kakos), which means “bad, injurious, harmful, or wrong.” Lots of words fall under this category, but why are some exempting curse words? How do those not fit σαπρος or κακός?
 
In the last few years, even some theologians have argued that cursing is not under the purview of these passages. Far too many Christians use words that our culture understands to be curse words.
 
Ephesians four is a chapter about leaving our old lives behind. Part of leaving our old self behind is controlling our speech and using it to encourage others (28). By using foul language (σαπρος), we grieve (offend, distress, cause to become sad) the Holy Spirit (29)!
 
If we know that our words can have an effect on the Spirit that translates our deepest emotions and loss for words into meaningful petitions to God (Romans 8.26, 27), why would we use words that could very easily be described as worthless, harmful, or wrong?
 
James 3.2

A Need For Honesty

Thursday’s Column: Carlnormous Comments

carl-pic

Carl Pollard

 
How much do you trust a liar? A study was conducted by Psychology Today where they asked 1000 people how many lies they’ve told in the last 24 hours. The average answer was two lies, but 75 percent of men said they would lie if they were talking about their social status. 80 percent of women said they have lied about their weight.
 
The average person we come in contact with has no problem lying to us. Whether it’s at work, in school or to friends and family, the majority of people feel that it’s morally okay to lie.
 
Ephesians 4:25 says, “Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.”
 
“Therefore” is a grammatical tie to previous verses. Each time we read this word we should see it as a finger pointing up to the previous verses. Contextually Paul is saying, “Therefore, since we have put on the new self lay aside falsehood.”
 
If you’re a Christian reading this verse, you have put on the new self. So we are commanded to stop lying and be truthful in our interactions with others.
 
Paul commands us to tell the truth. This seems like a simple command, yet sadly we get caught up in telling lies. We want what’s easiest. Many are tempted to take what seems to be the easy way out.
But there is something to keep in mind the next time we are tempted to lie:
 
Our reputation is ruined by dishonesty. If people catch us lying, why would they believe us at all? The boy who cried wolf is a prime example of this very fact. We all know how this story goes, and the bottom line is we lose our credibility if we lie. When we are honest and choose to tell the truth, people will trust us, and God’s Word has a better chance of reaching the lost.
 
When it comes to our Christianity, we want people to trust us. When we lie we lose our credibility and our ability to proclaim the gospel is harmed. Telling the truth in every situation is an attribute we are to have in our new walk with Christ. Plus, nobody wants to be friends with a liar.