Tag: exhaustion

One notices how frequently Job dismisses his “friends” as poor comforters when reading Job. This accusation is not surprising, given that Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar were all involved in Satan’s trial of Job. However, the devil took advantage of an all-too-common human flaw: a lack of active listening skills. Job’s companions were more interested in displaying their wisdom than listening to what he said.

The three guests should have listened to Job before passing judgment on him, but they were too full of themselves to do so. Job’s frustration with his friends’ inane chatter is a clear speech and active listening lesson. Active listening, which entails paying attention, demonstrating comprehension, and responding appropriately to the speaker’s emotions and needs, is highly valued in psychological studies.

Here are seven ways Job points out the failings of Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar.

1. They possessed superficial understanding. Job condemns his companions for their insensitivity and failure to comprehend his predicament. He feels they can’t possibly understand how much pain he’s been through or how complicated his life has been (cf. Job 16.2; 19.2).
2. They made false assumptions. Job accuses his friends of making incorrect assumptions about his character and actions. They imply that Job’s suffering directly results from some hidden sin or wrongdoing, which Job emphatically denies (cf. Job 11.2-3).
3. They lacked compassion. Job condemns his friends’ callous behavior. He believes they care more about proving their theological points than comforting him in his suffering (cf. Job 6.14–15).
4. They offered empty words. Job criticizes his friends’ meaningless and empty speech. He claims that rather than relieving his distress, their words made it worse (cf. Job 16.2-3).
5. They needed to provide more adequate explanations. When Job’s friends try to explain away his pain, Job questions their motives. He considers their theological justifications flimsy at best (cf. Job 21.34).
6. They should have offered practical help. Job expresses dissatisfaction with his friends’ lack of helpful assistance or support. He expected them to be there for him in his hour of need, but they fell short (cf. Job 6.14).
7. They lacked empathy. Job accuses his friends of being uncaring and failing to put themselves in his shoes. He thinks they cannot comprehend his suffering (cf. Job 19.21).

As previously stated, these men took part in Satan’s trial of Job. As a result, he allowed them to show off their flaws. The devil employs three methods of temptation, one of which is boastful pride in one’s own life. Pride indeed compelled Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar to be lousy comforters. 

But what about you and me when faced with the trials of a friend? Can’t we also be bad comforters? To make this more concrete, consider the following reasons for failure that do not involve pride or poor active listening skills:

We are uncomfortable. Empathy is the ability to connect with and comprehend the emotions of others, including their pain, sadness, or distress. People may sometimes find it emotionally difficult to confront or experience those intense emotions. This discomfort can make genuine empathy challenging to express.

We need more life experience to be able to assist. It can be difficult to empathize with an experience one has not personally experienced. When there is no direct personal reference point to draw on, understanding and relating to someone’s emotions and struggles may be more difficult.

We are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. People may be concerned about saying the wrong thing or causing additional distress. Fear of saying something insensitive or inadequate can lead to a reluctance to express empathy.

We are concerned about cultural, ethnic, or socioeconomic barriers. We are hesitant to lend a helping hand because we do not share common bonds, such as culture, ethnicity, educational attainment, etc., with those needing our understanding. These things indeed impact our interactions with others, for better or worse, but unfortunately, they can and do become obstacles. This fact is especially true in modern society, which goes out of its way to emphasize such differences between people of different backgrounds and experiences for political purposes. Nobody wants to be labeled an “ist” for inadvertently touching culturally sacred cows. 

We are unable or unwilling to see things from a different perspective. I am not suggesting that we ignore sin. However, someone may see things differently than we do. How good are we at looking at things from different angles? Empathy necessitates understanding another person’s emotions and experiences from their point of view.

We are exhausted and overwhelmed. If you are already a caregiver for someone else, you may have already expended a lot of emotional energy dealing with their needs. Unfortunately, these personality types attract those needing assistance while being harder on themselves by refusing to say “no” to those in need. As a result, a person wants to help but is emotionally “running on empty.”

We need effective communication skills. Listening entails more than just our ears picking up on the sounds made by others. Indeed, the brain must assign meaning to those sounds. We must allow our minds to process what others say. We call this action active listening. Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar lacked this ability. If we only want to offer advice, we will focus on a few words and practice our response without giving the other person a fair hearing. Or we won’t listen because we’ve already decided what we will say based on what we think we know about the situation. Active listening, like Biblical love (agape), necessitates effort.

The story of Job is one of human connection and communication in the face of adversity. We are encouraged to confront our fears, discomfort, and insecurities to practice active listening, genuine empathy, and love that embraces the other’s pain in shared sorrow and hope. In a superficial world, listening is witnessing another’s soul; the greatest gift we can give in times of suffering is to hear others. This sacred act of listening best expresses our shared humanity and journey through life’s frequently turbulent sea. May we reassure those around us by genuinely listening to their stories instead of offering rash advice or superficial comfort. As Job teaches us, listening is invaluable to someone who is hurting.