Tag: communication

Are You Listening?

Carl Pollard

How good a listener are you? 

Studies have shown that the average person thinks about four times faster than they talk. This can be a blessing, or a curse. Chances are, when it comes to listening to others, you may struggle to pay attention. 

Research suggests that in a single day, you will hear around 20-30,000 words. But of those 30,000 words, you will only remember about 17 percent. Let me illustrate. Last week my sermon was 2,779 words. The chances of someone remembering what it was about are slim. I’d be blown away if they could tell me 15 percent of what I said! 

With all the words we hear in a day, we get to decide what we will remember, and what we will let in one ear and out the other. The power of listening, what problems could be solved if we put our focus on listening to those around us. Most people listen to respond, rather than be an objective listener. Have you ever heard of effective listening? This is a skill that takes practice and effort to achieve. A person that hasn’t worked to develop good listening skills is likely to understand and retain only about 50 percent of any conversation, and that is immediately after the conversation. 48 hours later, average retention drops to less than 25 percent. 

Here’s the difference, I know you can think of conversations you’ve had with your spouse, children, or a friend. Maybe it was last month, last year, or 10 years ago, but you still remember every word. Why is that? Because you were being an effective listener in that moment. Whether it was good news, or bad news, you remember because you were truly listening. Most of our conversations fly by and we are on auto pilot, or trying to make conversation, or preoccupied. 

The Power of Listening.

Our relationships would be so healthy if we practiced good listening to those we love. Healthy relationships are built on communication, and a vital part of good communication is listening. You get the point, but I hope you are listening when I say this…It is no different with God. We’ve got to tune out the distractions, and listen to our God. Satan would love nothing more than for you to tune out God. 

He would love for your life to be so busy and hectic that you fail to remember your Father above. The words around us shape who we become. Studies have shown, 85 percent of what you know and who you are as a human being comes directly from the words of your parents, teachers, spouses, and friends. 

Don’t leave God’s Word out of that equation. 

Let His words transform and shape you. But in order for this to happen, we’ve GOT to listen! Imagine being in a noisy room, filled with the sounds of laughter, talking, music, and glasses clinking. And above the noise you hear the sound of a familiar voice calling your name. They’re trying to tell you something, so what do you do? You tune everything out, and focus in on their voice. 

We live in a noisy world, and it is a world that God is trying to call us out of. The only way you’ll hear Him is if you tune out the distractions and focus on His voice. In John 10:27, Jesus says, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” How can we be called Christians if we don’t listen to our Savior? The power of listening can be seen through the fact that we found salvation through hearing the word of God! “So faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God” (Rom. 10:17).  

Are you listening? Focus on God through the chaos, and you will find peace and joy through it all!

Watch Your Mouth!

Neal Pollard

When a people are described with “everyone did what was right in his own eyes” (17:6), they are apt to say whatever comes out of such a heart and mind. We cannot be surprised to see the hero as well as the villains in this account getting in trouble through their words. Back at the very beginning of Judges eleven, the Gileadites foolishly speak words rejecting Jephthah because of his unseemly origins (11:2). They would eventually have to eat those impetuous words (11:7-8). The events involved in turning back the Ammonite oppression would lead to words with deadly consequences!

Jephthah spoke reckless and rash words (11:30-31). On the one hand, his vow demonstrates a faith in God that made him throw all caution to the wind. He so desperately wanted victory over God’s enemy that he vowed to sacrifice the first living thing that passed through the door to meet him. While many ancient cultures, including Israel, frequently kept livestock in their houses (cf. 2 Sam. 12:3), Jephthah at least ran the risk that it would be a loved one or at least a servant who met him upon his return. Yet, in apparent passion, he vowed to offer whatever it was as a burnt offering to the Lord. God did not ask for or expect human sacrifice; in fact, His strongest words of condemnation were reserved for false worship that included it (Deut. 12:31; 2 Ki. 17:17; Jer. 7:31). God granted this deliverer victory and upon his return home, his only child, a daughter, came out to greet him celebrating his great victory (34). Both the daughter and her father understood the absolute seriousness of his vow (Num. 30:2; Ecc. 5:4-5). There was no breaking it, so Scripture says he “did with her according to his vow that he had made” (39). How many words have been spoken in the heat of passion, anger, or zeal that were not carefully thought through and went on to hurt God, ourselves, and others? How many promises have been made that proved costly to keep? We ought to taste our words, chewing on them before we say them, to make sure they are words thoughtfully and wisely spoken. Otherwise, they may prove to be bitter! 

The Ephraimite spoke words that betrayed them (12:5-6). This started with their threatening and taunting speech, viciously (and apparently dishonestly, 12:2-3) accusing Jephthah, “Why did you cross over to fight against the Ammonites and did not call us to go with you? We will burn your house over you with fire” (12:1). They also insulted the Gileadites, whom Jephthah led, calling them “fugitives” rather than brethren (12:4). The Gileadites took control of the Jordan River, monitoring all who sought to cross it. Any Ephraimite who tried to cross, they killed. In the end, they killed 42,000 Ephraimites. How could they distinguish them from everyone else? Their speech. The Ephraimites’ speech led to their downfall. They could not pronounce “Shibboleth.” They said “Sibboleth.” It was literally a dead giveaway! What about our speech, on the job, at school, at home, or out with our friends? Do those words proclaim to others that we are followers of Christ, or do we sound just like the world? We are wise to listen to Jesus’ words of warning about our words: “You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Mat. 12:34-37). We don’t need anybody’s affirmation or approval so badly that we would neglect this warning!

Those of us who are prone to think out loud or practice “ready, fire, aim” with our speech do well to remember Jephthah and the Ephraimites. Let’s watch our words. Let’s make sure they are pure and profitable, not poor and pitiful! 

Context Matters

Balancing Historical Meaning And Personal Application In Scripture

Brent Pollard

While exploring devotional content on Bible Gateway, I encountered an article by Kathie Lee Gifford discussing God’s various names. She references Isaiah 43.19, highlighting God’s promise of something new and encouraging readers to remember His continual blessings. Though uplifting, this perspective requires closer examination within its proper context. 

2 Peter 1.20–21 cautions against subjective interpretation of Scripture, emphasizing that prophecies did not originate from human will but from men inspired by the Holy Spirit. If not carefully applied, this method could lead to scriptures being used as mere motivational phrases, potentially distorting their original meaning. It’s crucial to exercise caution and be aware of this potential distortion, fostering a sense of vigilance and respect for the text.

A prime example is Jeremiah 29.11: “‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope'” (NASB95). Many people understand this verse as a personal assurance of immediate prosperity and well-being. However, it’s essential to consider its historical context during the Babylonian captivity. God encouraged the exiled Jews to persevere, assuring them of their eventual restoration to their homeland (Jeremiah 29.10–14).

Likewise, the “new thing” mentioned in Isaiah 43:19 alludes explicitly to Israel’s liberation from Babylonian captivity. God promises, “I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland,” echoing His guidance during the Exodus (Exodus 14.21–22). This prophecy highlights God’s steadfast dedication to restoring His people and revitalizing their covenant relationship, as in Isaiah 43.1–7 and 51.11.

While these passages have specific historical contexts, they also unveil broader theological truths relevant to our lives. Isaiah 43.19 showcases God’s power to bring transformation and hope, even in dire circumstances (2 Corinthians 5.17, Revelation 21.5). It reflects His sovereignty (Daniel 4.35) and His ongoing work in the world (John 5:17). This revelation enriches our understanding and enlightens us about the depth and richness of God’s Word.

When exploring Scripture, it’s crucial to balance understanding the context and applying broader meanings. This balanced approach reassures us that we grasp the depth of God’s Word and its relevance to our lives while respecting its original intent and avoiding misinterpretation. It instills confidence in our understanding and application of the Bible’s teachings, profoundly impacting our daily lives. 

Understanding the original context of verses like Jeremiah 29.11 and Isaiah 43.19 deepens our understanding of God’s Word and its intended message. This enriches our faith and prevents the distortion of Scripture into mere motivational quotes. Recognizing the historical and theological nuances allows us to see God’s grand narrative and ongoing work. As we apply these timeless truths to our lives, let’s do so with respect for their original intent, ensuring that our interpretations align with the divine wisdom imparted through the Holy Spirit. In doing so, we honor the full depth and richness of the Bible, allowing it to transform and guide us truly.

…

Jesus: The Captain of Our Salvation

Brent Pollard

“For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons to glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings.” (Hebrews 2.10 NKJV)

Hebrews has a powerful picture of Jesus that stands out for its clarity and brilliance. The book of Hebrews refers to Jesus as the captain of our salvation. To truly comprehend the breadth and scope of this title, we must first understand the Greek word some translators render captain – “archegos.”

When applied to a person, “archegos” indicates that they are the first in a line of characters or events. Jesus made our salvation possible and is the perfect savior. Furthermore, the term can refer to the originator or founder of something significant. Using the word “captain,” the translators of the King James Version intended to highlight Jesus’s role as a leader and guide for Christians on their spiritual path.

The book of Hebrews extols Jesus’ important role as our high priest and the leader of our faith, demonstrating the way forward by enduring suffering and ascending to glory. This illustration is symbolic and closely resembles the role of a captain in an army, historically and today.

The Captain’s Charge on the Battlefield

A captain in the military is responsible for a wide range of duties. A captain is responsible for overseeing the execution of orders from higher ranks by a company of anywhere from 75 to 100 soldiers in the United States military. The parallel is Jesus’ dedication to carrying out the Father’s will (John 5.30).

In the heat of battle, a captain must put their strategic abilities to the test. They must assess circumstances quickly, make immediate decisions, and modify strategies. Jesus is our compass, showing us how to break down the barriers of sin and live a righteous life.

Furthermore, a captain ensures that his troops are well-supplied, whether with ammunition, food, or medical supplies. This provision is echoed in Jesus’ teachings, where He promises abundant life, is our eternal bread and water, and is the source of all spiritual blessings (John 10.10, 6.35; 7.37; Ephesians 1.3).

The captain has an essential role in raising morale among the troops. A soldier’s hope and confidence can turn the tide of battle. Jesus encourages us on our spiritual journey by assuring us that He has already conquered worldly challenges (John 16.33).

The captain acts as a liaison between the higher-ranking officers and the troops, facilitating effective communication and meeting the needs of both sides. In 1 Timothy 2.5, we learn that Jesus mediates between us and God.

Lastly, captains lead from the front, setting examples of bravery, decision-making, and resilience. In His life and teachings, Jesus exemplifies these characteristics, encouraging us to follow in His footsteps (John 13.15; 1 Peter 2.21).

In Conclusion

By comparing Jesus to a captain, we can better understand His unrivaled role as guide, leader, and supporter on our spiritual voyage. We are more than just soldiers with Jesus as our leader; we are more than conquerors (Romans 8.37). We must put our faith in the One leading us to eternal glory, the Captain of our Salvation.

Active Listening and Empathy: Job’s Friends and Their Failures

Brent Pollard

One notices how frequently Job dismisses his “friends” as poor comforters when reading Job. This accusation is not surprising, given that Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar were all involved in Satan’s trial of Job. However, the devil took advantage of an all-too-common human flaw: a lack of active listening skills. Job’s companions were more interested in displaying their wisdom than listening to what he said.

The three guests should have listened to Job before passing judgment on him, but they were too full of themselves to do so. Job’s frustration with his friends’ inane chatter is a clear speech and active listening lesson. Active listening, which entails paying attention, demonstrating comprehension, and responding appropriately to the speaker’s emotions and needs, is highly valued in psychological studies.

Here are seven ways Job points out the failings of Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar.

  1. They possessed superficial understanding. Job condemns his companions for their insensitivity and failure to comprehend his predicament. He feels they can’t possibly understand how much pain he’s been through or how complicated his life has been (cf. Job 16.2; 19.2).
  2. They made false assumptions. Job accuses his friends of making incorrect assumptions about his character and actions. They imply that Job’s suffering directly results from some hidden sin or wrongdoing, which Job emphatically denies (cf. Job 11.2-3).
  3. They lacked compassion. Job condemns his friends’ callous behavior. He believes they care more about proving their theological points than comforting him in his suffering (cf. Job 6.14–15).
  4. They offered empty words. Job criticizes his friends’ meaningless and empty speech. He claims that rather than relieving his distress, their words made it worse (cf. Job 16.2-3).
  5. They needed to provide more adequate explanations. When Job’s friends try to explain away his pain, Job questions their motives. He considers their theological justifications flimsy at best (cf. Job 21.34).
  6. They should have offered practical help. Job expresses dissatisfaction with his friends’ lack of helpful assistance or support. He expected them to be there for him in his hour of need, but they fell short (cf. Job 6.14).
  7. They lacked empathy. Job accuses his friends of being uncaring and failing to put themselves in his shoes. He thinks they cannot comprehend his suffering (cf. Job 19.21).

As previously stated, these men took part in Satan’s trial of Job. As a result, he allowed them to show off their flaws. The devil employs three methods of temptation, one of which is boastful pride in one’s own life. Pride indeed compelled Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar to be lousy comforters. 

But what about you and me when faced with the trials of a friend? Can’t we also be bad comforters? To make this more concrete, consider the following reasons for failure that do not involve pride or poor active listening skills:

We are uncomfortable. Empathy is the ability to connect with and comprehend the emotions of others, including their pain, sadness, or distress. People may sometimes find it emotionally difficult to confront or experience those intense emotions. This discomfort can make genuine empathy challenging to express.

We need more life experience to be able to assist. It can be difficult to empathize with an experience one has not personally experienced. When there is no direct personal reference point to draw on, understanding and relating to someone’s emotions and struggles may be more difficult.

We are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. People may be concerned about saying the wrong thing or causing additional distress. Fear of saying something insensitive or inadequate can lead to a reluctance to express empathy.

We are concerned about cultural, ethnic, or socioeconomic barriers. We are hesitant to lend a helping hand because we do not share common bonds, such as culture, ethnicity, educational attainment, etc., with those needing our understanding. These things indeed impact our interactions with others, for better or worse, but unfortunately, they can and do become obstacles. This fact is especially true in modern society, which goes out of its way to emphasize such differences between people of different backgrounds and experiences for political purposes. Nobody wants to be labeled an “ist” for inadvertently touching culturally sacred cows. 

We are unable or unwilling to see things from a different perspective. I am not suggesting that we ignore sin. However, someone may see things differently than we do. How good are we at looking at things from different angles? Empathy necessitates understanding another person’s emotions and experiences from their point of view.

We are exhausted and overwhelmed. If you are already a caregiver for someone else, you may have already expended a lot of emotional energy dealing with their needs. Unfortunately, these personality types attract those needing assistance while being harder on themselves by refusing to say “no” to those in need. As a result, a person wants to help but is emotionally “running on empty.”

We need effective communication skills. Listening entails more than just our ears picking up on the sounds made by others. Indeed, the brain must assign meaning to those sounds. We must allow our minds to process what others say. We call this action active listening. Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar lacked this ability. If we only want to offer advice, we will focus on a few words and practice our response without giving the other person a fair hearing. Or we won’t listen because we’ve already decided what we will say based on what we think we know about the situation. Active listening, like Biblical love (agape), necessitates effort.

The story of Job is one of human connection and communication in the face of adversity. We are encouraged to confront our fears, discomfort, and insecurities to practice active listening, genuine empathy, and love that embraces the other’s pain in shared sorrow and hope. In a superficial world, listening is witnessing another’s soul; the greatest gift we can give in times of suffering is to hear others. This sacred act of listening best expresses our shared humanity and journey through life’s frequently turbulent sea. May we reassure those around us by genuinely listening to their stories instead of offering rash advice or superficial comfort. As Job teaches us, listening is invaluable to someone who is hurting.

Hang Up And Talk

Wednesday’s Column: Third’s Words

Gary Pollard

Picture this scene: a group of friends all sitting in a circle and talking. However,
they are not talking to each other, they are talking to a completely different set of
friends. On top of that, they are communicating through text messaging and not through
verbal means. All of this makes me sound like an overly-dramatic old guy, right? I do not
mean this to be a “what’s wrong with our society?!” article. I want to encourage myself
and my peers to think about the consequences of these actions.
Let me clarify something before I continue: I text a lot, and I love it. It is a great
way to keep up with my friends, clarify a time and place for a meeting, etc… I do realize,
though, that there is a time and a place for everything. When you are meeting with your
friends and are there to socialize, that is an inappropriate time to text. It disconnects
yourself from your immediate relationships and erodes your ability to effectively
communicate on a personal level. I have seen this so many times. There are people
who are brutally shy, but get their number and you will never hear the end of the matter.
Texting is creating more socially-challenged people than anything else. We are
losing the ability to talk on a personal level with our age group and adults, too. Ironically,
while trying to keep contact with so many other friends not present, we are damaging
the relationships of those closest to us. No one likes to be cut off in the middle of a
conversation to watch someone answer a text. It shows that the person with whom you
are conversing is not worth your time and attention. What does that do when you are
texting that same person later on? Will you do the same thing to another friend while
trying to converse with that person? It is an endless and confusing cycle that will only
cause damage in the long run. The ability to communicate effectively is vital to
maintaining a meaningful and intimate relationship with others.
So, what do we do about it? Learn conversation etiquette. When someone is talking
to you, do not leave that conversation to start or continue a completely different one with
someone else. If you are around other friends or at an event, do not text. You are there
to enjoy the event and grow relationships with those in the immediate vicinity. When you
are in church, give your time to God. Your friends and Twitter can wait. Your life is
probably not one big emergency, so texting while talking is dangerous. Giving your full
and undivided attention to the one you talk to is going to create a good impression on
them. They will appreciate and respect you for giving them your polite attention. Use
common sense- do you want to be successful in your career? Do you want to grow your
friendships? Hang up and talk! You will not regret it! When your friends want to talk to
you, do not use your phone. Face-to-face communication is what grows a relationship,
not face-to-screen. You will reap the benefits of the respect of others, and I promise you,
your quality of life will improve greatly.
I really do not mean this to be a critical article, blasting the youth of today. I am a
youth, and that would not make sense. I have noticed a problem that seems small now,
but will escalate into something much more serious in the future. I am nowhere near
perfect in this matter, so I challenge myself and those of you in my age group to step up
and be different! Who knows? Maybe we can defy the negative stigma society has
placed on us (and not without reason, either) and change the world. It can all be done
with something as simple as hanging up to talk. (written 12-15-12, as a Freshman at F.H.U.)

What Messages Are We Sending?

Friday’s Column: Brent’s Biblical Bytes

Brent Pollard

The website Live Science recently published an article about our attempts through the years to communicate with extraterrestrial life. The piece, written by Isobel Whitcomb, is entitled “What messages have we sent to aliens?” We think of World War II as ushering in the concept of “little green men” with reported citings of UFOs (i.e., foo fighters) during aerial combat over Europe and the Pacific. Indeed, in the postwar years, Hollywood began churning out science fiction flicks like The Day the Earth Stood Still in 1951.  

Yet, people were thinking of the possibility of life “out there” before the mid-twentieth century. You may recall that H.G. Wells wrote War of the Worlds in 1897. Whitcomb mentions that Austrian astronomer, Joseph Johann Von Littrow, conceived the idea of digging trenches in the Sahara Desert and filling it with kerosene to set ablaze to send a message to otherworldly observers. Von Littrow envisioned this plan which never saw fruition in the early nineteenth century! 

From this point, Whitcomb points out the progressively advanced plans made and executed by humanity as our technology advanced. In 1962, Soviet scientists directed radio waves at Venus containing “peace” in Morse code. Eventually, in the late 1970s, the United States sent out two spacecraft which they hoped would be discovered by extraterrestrials in interstellar space. Yes, governments have spent millions of dollars to be greeted only with silence. (Another Live Science article by Mindy Weisberger posits that aliens ignore us after observing us like animals in a zoo.)  

Rather than worrying about messages that will never receive a response, we ought to concern ourselves more with messages we send to terrestrial and celestial beings. As Edgar Guest famously reminds us, most people would rather see a sermon than hear one. Indeed, our lives are sending out a message to others.  

  • We are sending a message to our spouses. Do husbands, specifically, love their wives as Christ loves the church? (Ephesians 5.25) Have wives been encouraged to love their husbands? (Titus 2.4) Do the husband and wife recall that they are not to separate what God has joined? (Matthew 19.6)  
  • We are sending a message to our children. Children see whether mom and dad seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness (Matthew 6.33). Are fathers bringing up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6.4)? Are mothers doing as Eunice and instilling a sincere faith in their children? (2 Timothy 1.5) 
     
  • We are sending a message to our neighbors. Do they see someone who strives to live peaceably with others to the extent to which it is possible? (Romans 12.17-19) Do they see someone following the “Golden Rule”? (Matthew 7.12) Do they know you love them as you love yourself? (Romans 13.9) 
     
  • We are sending a message to our enemies. Do they see someone who loves them despite being their enemy? (Matthew 5.44) Do they see one turning the other cheek to them? (Matthew 5.39-41) 
     
  • We are sending a message to the lost. Do the lost see one whose lack of self-discipline disqualifies the Gospel preached? (1 Corinthians 9.26-27). Do they see someone ashamed of the pure, unadulterated Gospel message? (Romans 1.16) 
     
  • We are sending a message to God. Our ways lay before the eyes of God, and He is watching all our paths (Proverbs 5.21). He will judge us according to even the secret things we have done (Ecclesiastes 12.14). Since God knows the heart, He knows who merely gives Him lip-service (Matthew 15.8-9). 

Yes, we are sending out messages. What messages are we sending? No, we don’t have to worry about miscommunication with the “Roswell Greys,” but we should concern ourselves with the message God and our fellow humans hear from us.  

Works Consulted: 

Whitcomb, Isobel. “What Messages Have We Sent to Aliens?” LiveScience, Future US, Inc, 20 Mar. 2021,www.livescience.com/messages-sent-to-aliens.html. 

Weisberger, Mindy. “Are Aliens Ignoring Us? Maybe We’re Already Their Captives in a ‘Galactic Zoo.’” LiveScience, Future US, Inc., 25 Mar. 2019, www.livescience.com/65063-meti-galactic-zoo-aliens.html.  

Further Reading: 

Janos, Adam. “Mysterious UFOs Seen by WWII Airman Still Unexplained.” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 15 Aug. 2018, www.history.com/news/wwii-ufos-allied-airmen-orange-lights-foo-fighters. 

Privacy Matters

Wednesday’s Column: Third’s Words

Gary III

Gary Pollard

Patients’ information in the US is protected by HIPAA. Specifically, “The Rule requires appropriate safeguards to protect the privacy of personal health information, and sets limits and conditions on the uses and disclosures that may be made of such information without patient authorization. The Rule also gives patients rights over their health information, including rights to examine and obtain a copy of their health records, and to request corrections” (hhs.gov).

We expect and demand that our privacy be protected when it comes to healthcare (and personal information in general). If that trust is breached, we may consider taking legal action against the trust breaker.

When it comes to our marriages, do we extend that same courtesy to our spouses? Or do we vent our frustrations about them to anyone who listens?

When it comes to personal information shared in confidence, do we extend that same courtesy to our Christian family? Or do we share that info with those in our personal circle?

When it comes to sensitive information we may have about someone in the church (or anywhere!), do we treat them with the same level of respect and discretion that we expect from those in the medical field or information technology fields? There are some exceptions to this principle (as common sense dictates), but we sometimes find ourselves sharing or listening to information we have no business sharing or consuming.

In short, if we expect this level of respect and discretion from the professional world, should we not do the same for those in God’s family?

“Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler” (Prov. 20:19, ESV). 

 

No Answer

Friday’s Column: Supplemental Strength

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Brent Pollard

In December of 1971, the UK band, Electric Light Orchestra, released an eponymously titled album. In the United States, however, we know this album by a different name. Why is that? In the US, ELO released their music through United Artists Records. Someone from UAR had attempted to contact ELO’s manager to ascertain what the album’s title for its US release. Unable to reach him, the UAR representative had jotted down the words, “no answer.”

The misinterpretation of the message led to the unintentional titling of ELO’s first US release.  And so, in early 1972, Americans could buy the new British band’s first studio-recorded album,  No Answer. 1 This album mishap is an amusing example of miscommunication. When such miscommunication takes place in personal relationships, however, the results more often are destructive.

Relationships can be severed because some miscommunication led to an argument. Within such cases, the injured party failed to discern the message of the perceived injurer. Sadly, they don’t go to that person, and on some occasions they go to a third party, sympathetic to their interests. At this point, the one initially misunderstood has two people angry at him or her without cause. Perhaps, in response, this misunderstood person will likewise go to yet another party, someone understanding of his or her position in the matter. It is incredible to see how many people can quickly become embroiled in something that ultimately is only a misunderstanding between two people!

New Testament scripture addresses this problem and provides a solution. Unfortunately, it may be one of the most ignored precepts of Christian doctrine. Jesus Himself gave this precept as recorded in Matthew’s Gospel (Matthew 18.15-17). Whenever you feel that another party has done something injurious to you, you are to go to that individual privately to resolve the problem. If that person does not listen to you, then you are permitted to bring one or two others with you in another attempt to be reconciled to him or her. If that fails, then you have permission to bring the matter to the attention of the greater community. When the community (in this instance, the assembly or church) encourages that person to reconcile with the other party, and he or she refuses a third time, then one can sever that relationship formally. One does not break ties before the extension of three opportunities for reconciliation, however.

So, the next time someone says or does something that you do not understand, give them the benefit of the doubt. Go to the one you feel has offended you first. Do not gossip about the “offender” to another. Do what you can to fix the problem as soon as you can. No answer, on the other hand, is not an acceptable solution.

Screen Shot 2020-07-17 at 7.21.27 AM
A later ELO album (1977)

REFERENCE

1 Mikkelson, David. “Electric Light Orchestra’s No Answer.” Snopes.com, Snopes Media Group Inc., 19 Dec. 2012, www.snopes.com/fact-check/no-answer/.

The Art Of Conversation

Neal Pollard

With conversation, when both are active listeners, you are exchanging ideas. Along with this, there’s body language and tone of voice which give clues to what the words mean to the speaker. You negotiate, reason, affirm or deny, and continue through these patterns while discussing any number of subjects. This process is invaluable to building relationships, working together, and even evangelism. For all its advantages, social media lacks almost all of those dimensions.

MIT professor and psychologist Sherry Turkle, in the book Reclaiming Conversation (New York: Penguin, 2015), makes the case that we are talking more than ever but we’ve lost the art of conversation.  Turkle observes, “From the early days, I saw that computers offer the illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship and then, as the programs got really good, the illusion of friendship without the demands of intimacy” (7).  What demands? Paying attention, building trust, having empathy, and giving thoughtful responses (as opposed to rude, reckless ones). 

I’m not trying to militate against the use of social media platforms, texting, or emailing. But the more we gravitate toward those to do our “communicating,” the less we successfully navigate the more difficult, yet more rewarding, art of conversation.

When we read the Bible, we are struck–from beginning to end–with the pervasive importance of dialogue and conversation. From Genesis one, where we read the Godhead’s conversation, “Let us make man…,” to Jesus’ conversation with John in Revelation 22, conversation is indispensable. Not only did God create interpersonal relationships and the vehicle of conversation to build them, but He models it throughout the pages of Scripture.

This article seeks to inform, teach, and even persuade, but it is only one dimension of communication. One might argue that other forms of communication are not only necessary, but in many cases will be more effective. The snippets and soundbites of social media postings, much more condensed and lacking context, while being pithy and thought-provoking, are no substitute for what happens face to face in the tension, hard work, and unpredictable dynamic of conversation. Conversation necessitates practice, attention, and mental engagement. 

From the dawn of time, God observed that it’s not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18). As suggested by the title of another book by Turkle, Alone Together, we find ourselves increasingly isolated from others and more ill-equipped for building real life relationships. The antidote to that is simple and so attainable.

Let’s engage people more. Let’s resort more to making real life connections and less to hiding behind screens. Let’s look for opportunities to do this with friends, acquaintances, and strangers. Let’s connect more in real life. As with anything, the more we practice the better we’ll get at it. 

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Photo credit: Michael Hite

 

Communication Landmines

Neal Pollard

Paul writes two letters of instruction to Timothy, the preacher at Ephesus. As his father in the faith (cf. 1 Tim. 1:18), Paul wanted the younger man endowed with the wisdom and courage to be God’s man.  Timothy would face pressures and temptations from many different directions. The apostle’s words also provide some common sense to help him do the sometimes difficult task of preaching and ministry.

In a letter full of the theme of godliness, 1 Timothy, Paul gives him some intriguing encouragement in the sixth chapter. He says, “If anyone advocates a different doctrine and does not agree with sound words, those of our Lord Jesus Christ, and with the doctrine conforming to godliness, he is conceited and understands nothing; but he has a morbid interest in controversial questions and disputes about words, out of which arise envy, strife, abusive language, evil suspicions, and constant friction between men of depraved mind and deprived of the truth, who suppose that godliness is a means of gain” (6:3-5). In this brief admonition, he gives Timothy several tips to help him be a useful communicator of God’s truth. He urges Timothy to avoid:

  • Compromise. Not only here, but throughout the letter, Paul urges Timothy to teach the pure doctrine of Christ, those sound words and that godly doctrine. If we bow to pressures and change the revealed word of Christ, we become deadly communicators.
  • Conceit. Ironically, the conceited often look down upon others. Yet, Paul ties the arrogance to ignorance (“understands nothing”). When we encounter one who condescendingly communicates, we are prone to tune them out even if they are telling the truth. It is incongruous to have a pompous preacher speak of the lowly Jesus. It’s a credibility killer.
  • Controversy. We live in the age of controversy. It is splashed all over the traditional media and social media. It is often manufactured, and it is the mark of a morbid (literally, “sick”) mind. The controversialist will be found at the heart of disputes, ever seeking to dig up something, hash and rehash it, and keep it going. We can be accused of that for simply trying to communicate God’s will, especially when unpopular, but some are never far from contention. It is characteristic of them.
  • Constant friction. This is listed last among several other results of controversy, along with envy, strife, abusive language, and evil suspicions. Have you ever been around someone who keeps up an atmosphere of tension? The chip is always on the shoulder. Their communication is always confrontational. It appeals to the depraved and deprived, according to Paul.

Paul was so bold that he would die for preaching the truth (cf. 2 Tim. 4:1-8). Yet, he urged Timothy to be peaceable, kind, adept, patient, and gentle when communicating it (2 Tim. 2:24-25). Is it possible to courageously stand with the Christ but do so using the precise scalpel of Scripture (Heb. 4:12) rather than the reckless explosives of excess? Yes, and each of us must predetermine that we will do so no matter how others act and react.

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Bad Breath Babbling

Neal Pollard

You want to do some appetizing research?  Go to the Mayo Clinic website and read about what causes bad breath. The harbingers of halitosis include food that gets stuck in your teeth, tobacco, poor dental hygiene, dry mouth (this occurs most frequently when sleeping at night, thus “morning breath”), oral infections, and many similar pleasant precipitators (http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/bad-breath/basics/causes/CON-20014939).  Now isn’t that a joyful matter to ponder!

Well, have you considered the very graphic imagery Paul uses in Ephesians 4:29 to describe improper speech?  He says, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth…”  That word “unwholesome” is an interesting word (ESV—”corrupting”).  It is from a Greek word meaning “to cause to decay” (TDNT).  The footnote of my Bible says “literally, rotten.”  The Greeks used the word to describe what offends the sense of sight and smell, but it came to describe even offensive sounds as an ancient fragment from Theopompus Comicus used the word to describe the “unpleasant sounds of flutes” (CAF, I, 746). They used the word to describe bad vegetables and rotting fish (WSNTDICT).

Notice what the Holy Spirit through Paul does with the word.  In guiding the Ephesians in how not to walk, Paul gets graphic by warning against “smelly speech.”  Get the picture by considering the descriptive word.  When you talk, does what you say have the figurative effect of compost, fish carcasses, and the like?  Or, let us come at it by way of contrast, as Paul does.  Instead of uttering waste dump words, use “only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”

Throw away trashy speech through uplifting, timely, graceful talk!  Is what you say helpful to others? Does it build them up? Does it bring them closer to Christ? Is it just the right word at the right time?  If so, it’s like moral mouthwash!

If not, then let God’s diagnosis hit home!  Clean up your conversations.  Make sure what you say to others is to them a breath of fresh air!