Category: parenting

Raising Godly Children

Do you ever wrestle with the challenge of raising faithful children (or grandchildren)? Are there certain ingredients necessary to accomplish this task?

Carl Pollard

Every morning, I pray for the spiritual health of my family and children. My son Rich can’t even say his sister’s name right, but I pray for his future walk with God, for his spouse, and his commitment to Christ. Amara can’t crawl yet, but I spend my mornings praying that she becomes a woman of faith like Ruth or Sarah. Jed, still in the womb, is listening to sermons through an umbilical cord, and I’m already lifting him up in prayer that he follows God’s will.

I want nothing more than to spend eternity with my wife, children, and family. How I lead as a father will shape how my kids see God the Father. I often feel guilty for my failures as a spiritual leader, fearing the responsibility for my family’s faith journey. My deepest desire is to see my children grounded in faith and in love with Christ.

This article is for you as a parent to realize the role you play in your children’s spiritual health. As long as they’re under your roof, you have a chance to instill a faith that will unite you for eternity.

You might think it’s strange that someone with little parenting experience is writing about raising faithful children, and you’re right. But thankfully, you don’t have to rely solely on my experience. Let’s take a look at the example of Zechariah and Elizabeth.

Unlike other gospels, Luke begins with the backstory of John the Baptist. To quote philosopher Jake Miller, “We never talk about John the Baptist, but I think that is a mistake. He is a really powerful example.” Jesus affirmed this in Matthew 11:11, saying that among those born of women, none is greater than John.

John was a man calling for repentance and preparing the way for the Lord. So, how did he come to be such a devoted servant? It was part of God’s plan, but Zechariah and Elizabeth played crucial roles in shaping his faith. They lived contrary to their culture, serving God under a tyrannical king while remaining faithful despite their barrenness and age.

Dedicated Believers

In Luke 1:5-6, we read that Zechariah and Elizabeth were righteous and blameless before God. Wouldn’t it be great to be known as blameless parents? Even dedicated believers will make mistakes; Zechariah faced challenges, including being made mute for his disbelief. But God doesn’t expect perfection—He expects dedication. They prayed earnestly for their child before he was even born. Do you spend time in prayer for your kids? Bringing them before the Lord is one of the best things you can do.

Diligent Teachers

In Luke 1:14-17, God reveals that John will be filled with the Holy Spirit and destined to turn many to the Lord. This highlights our responsibility to teach our children. Despite society’s expectations, John fulfilled his divine purpose. What are you prioritizing for your children? Are you encouraging their involvement in church? Just like teaching them to brush their teeth or study, it’s essential to guide them in their faith.

Devoted Nurturers

John had a challenging life ahead, and his parents understood that. As devoted nurturers, Zechariah and Elizabeth provided the guidance he needed. Kids will test your patience, but showing love and mercy is vital. They raised a son who was faithful to God.

What our world needs is more parents like Zechariah and Elizabeth—dedicated believers, diligent teachers, and devoted nurturers. Sadly, many children today lack godly role models. As parents, we have a profound responsibility. God chose Zechariah and Elizabeth for their unwavering dedication. So, I ask you: what kind of role model are you being for your children?

Raise ‘Em Right

Tuesday’s Column: Dale Mail

Dale Pollard

There are plenty of great examples of godly parenting in the Bible, but there are just as many (if not more) examples of poor parenting. Tompkinsville, where I preach, is blessed to have several parents who are taking Proverbs 22.6 seriously and that’s something we shouldn’t take for granted. Perhaps no other Christian responsibility has the potential to build His kingdom and make the kind of impact like our responsibility to train and teach the next generation to love Jesus. 

“How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.” 

Psalm 119.9

There’s an unlimited amount of opinions and advice out there on the subject of parenting, but there’s something more meaningful about receiving it from faithful parents who have been successful. 

Here Are 3 Pieces of Advice From Godly Parents 

1. Children Need To Know That Marriage Isn’t Your Number One Goal In Life 

“Our goal in life is to praise the God of glory. Too many young people become so enamored with the thought of getting married that they neglect to devote themselves to the service of God. They miss out on the joys of mission work and service because they are too concerned with finding their next date. Focus on God and (to utilize Jesus’ words) “all these things will be added to you,” because you will be surrounded by the kind of people who are worth marrying.” 

2. Our Commitment To Christ Isn’t A Part Time Job

“An excuse is a skin of a reason stuffed with a lie. While under the Old Law Moses allowed a year off from marriage (Deut. 24.5) Jesus made it clear that all Christian parents can’t make Him their part time Lord (Lk. 9.57-62). Replace any excuse with an exertion of effort to glorify God, because excuses ring hollow in the ears of the divine.” 

3. Model The Kind Of Person You Want Your Children To Be

“Being a parent should make you think about your every move. Your immature inclinations should take a backseat when the what you model before your children can have eternal ramifications. Just be godly. 

Stand up for God. 

Talk about God. 

Have the courage you’d like your children to have. 

Show them how it’s done.”

A sincere thanks to, 

– Brett Petrillo 
– Hiram Kemp &
– Ben Shafer 

For their continual example of faithfulness, work in His kingdom, and their helpful insights on godly parenting. 

Being Like Your Parents

Wednesday’s Column: Learning From Lehman

Luke Lohden

Have you seen the Progressive commercials with Dr. Rick?  In these commercials, he tries to teach parents how to “un-become” their parents?  For instance, he helps them say the right tech terms, like “hashtag,” or helps them to have airline tickets on their phone, and not paper tickets.  They are really funny.  Do your parents have certain sayings that they say all of the time to you?  Like, “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times,” or how about “money doesn’t grow on trees?”  Or even better, “don’t make me stop this car?”  Our parents tell us things like this to help us.  The truth is, we need to be like our Christian parents, not unlike them.  They have been where we are or where we are heading.  Their advice can prevent us from making serious mistakes.  

According to many surveys, about 70% of Christian students leave the church during college.  According to a recent study, the reasons are because they had no strong Biblical foundation,  lack of social opportunities outside of worship service, the anti-Christian views present at universities, and the lack of other Christian friends on campus.  Because of these potential problems, our parents play an important role in our Christian faith and our future walk with God.  

How do You stay faithful to God and obey your parents through your teen years? According to Ephesians 6:1-3, honoring your father and mother is very important. These verses say, “Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment, that it may be well with you and you may live long on the Earth.” According to Exodus 20:12, it states, “Honor your father and your mother that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” Proverbs 22:6 also has some information about children obeying their parents. It says, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from.” Proverbs 29:15 also says, “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”  This verse means that children and teens need guidance.  If they don’t have guidance, they will turn away from Christ.  

If we honor our father and mother and do all that we are told by them, we will live long on this Earth.   We could be going through a stage where we are defiant and not wanting to do what our parents tell us.  We’ve got to learn to listen to them even though we might not like what they decide all the time.  We finally understand, maybe even in later years, that our parents have rules in place to protect us as well as help us.  In order to follow God and live long on this Earth, we have to do all that is expected by them and do it as best as we can.  We are never going to be perfect, but we have to give it our best.  We know that our parents want what is best for us and they want us to go to Heaven.  We need to do more than just obey our parents and honor them.  We also have to continue trying to follow God’s Commandments, read the Bible, and tell others about Jesus. 

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“Father’s Table Grace”

Monday’s Column: “Neal At The Cross”

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Neal Pollard

In 1960, Otho Jones and Homer L. Sewell wrote a song made popular by Flatt and Scruggs. It’s a song written from the point of view of a man’s oldest son, a son who felt he was old enough to be on his own and leave home. He describes his father as simple and not filled with a formal education, but also as one very devout and the spiritual leader of his home. He describes himself as “young and foolish.” When I listen to this song, I think about the way I could be as a teenager and how I tried my parents’ patience. My dad, a gospel preacher since 1964, has always been a diligent praying man. While I never heard him say these words in my presence, I wonder if he ever prayed them about me in my younger days.

“Our gracious heavenly father we all gathered here today
To give the things for blessings so humble we pray
My oldest son is leaving but I’m sure he knows what’s best
But just in case would you stand by and help him stand the test

Lord he’s awful neglectful about church on Sunday morn
And if he gets with a wrong crowd would you let him hold your arm
And if he flies too high would you clip his wings
But don’t let him fall too hard, I’m sure you can handle things

I’ve tried my best from day to day to teach him right from wrong
And he’s grown to be a fine young man and he always blessed our home
We pray dear Lord for guidance that he won’t build upon the sand
But I won’t worry half as much if I know he’s in your hands

And oh yes Lord it won’t be long till I’ll be coming home
Don’t make me wait too long
We pray dear Lord for guidance please cleanse us from our sins
So we can all be together in heaven in Jesus name amen.”

Those words are neither perfectly autobiographical nor an apt description of my dad (who has much more formal education than I do). But I think a lot of parents who continue to labor over their children in prayer, concerned for their safety as they turn them loose in this world. However large the physical or financial threats may be, what should concern us most are the spiritual ones. We will never outgrow our concern for them. We should never stop being the right kind of example to them. May we never sin against them by failing to pray for them. They need us to be the type of Christians described by James, of whom he writes, “The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much” (Jas. 5:16). 

My Father, From An Early Age

Neal Pollard

My father, from an early age you taught me to be true,
But when I wavered on what that was, I could always look at you.

You taught me how the Lord comes first at work, at school, at play
But how much easier that became when you practiced that each day.

Dear child, I may not perfectly that narrow path traversed
But when you see me fail, dear child, I pray I will reverse

For fathers come, they teach us much, and character is fashioned
By what we think and say and do, by each prayer and passion

Dear Father, help me teach my children to walk in holy ways
But let me do that by my living, I have but a fleeting, few days

May Your lessons, Lord, they come to learn at my feet of clay,
Instill a faith that will survive ’til they get to the Judgment Day.

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Selling Children

Neal Pollard

In March of 2007, in Owensboro, Kentucky, a couple tried to sell the woman’s 15-month-old daughter for $3000 and an SUV. The noble purpose behind this attempted transaction was “money to pay off [the boyfriend’s] fines for previous criminal charges.” Surprisingly, they denied the allegations and maintained their innocence, an effort that would eventually be unsuccessful.

How heartbreaking that anyone could act so heinously. Truly, “Children are a gift of the Lord…a reward” (Psa. 127:3). Yet, while they are a gift from the Lord to us, in another sense they still belong to Him (cf. Ezek. 18:4). We cannot sell what ultimately does not belong to us.

What Charles Hope, Jr., and Amber Revlett did in Kentucky was certainly criminal, but they are far from salon among those trying to “sell” their children for one reason or another. In order to give their children popularity, gratification, or material success, some parents are encouraging their children to live a life of sin, worldliness, and selfishness. Secular courts would never convict them, but what they are doing is even more heinous than that attempted by those lowbrow schemers from the Bluegrass State. As Christian parents, we have an obligation to recognize this tendency and not “sell our children” out to anything that could replace their undivided loyalty to serve Christ. We want their hearts centered around Christ and His will (Mat. 6:33).

Let us both teach our children and realize ourselves their intrinsic value as ones made in the very image of God (Gen. 1:27). Within each of our children is a soul, every one of which is more valuable and important than the whole world (Mat. 16:26). May we never do anything that would lead them to exchange their souls. Whatever they gain, they will lose everything! To the extent we, as parents, can influence this, let us do with diligence. God has placed their training and spiritual wellbeing into our hands (cf. Deu. 6:4-9; Eph. 6:1-4).

Stack Of Cash

MOM’S STEWARDSHIP OF CHILDREN

Neal Pollard
Feeding schedules, diaper changes, and runaway toddlers seem to consume a mother’s world for what seems like forever.  It may seem like an eternal duty, but those days very quickly pass.  What you learn in each new stage of your children’s development is that God gives you grace and strength to meet the challenges that accompany it.  Sleepless nights, drained energy, and unfinished housework discourage you.  Unappreciative, uncooperative children at times confront you.  Unsympathetic, clueless husbands may (though surely only rarely) irritate you.  But, you, ma’am, are doing important, yea, eternal work!

You hold more than a baby in your arms.  You lead more than a toddler or small child by the hand.  You mold and shape more than a child’s mind, social skills, and heart.  You, dear lady, are influencing this world and eternity.  As you rise to the challenges and succeed in keeping Christ in the center of your children’s hearts, you are partnering with God.  He can help you cope with the temporary trauma, the short-lived chagrin, and fleeting frustrations of motherhood.  God designed the home, and as such He designed it as a place where mother’s touch and influence would settle deep into the hearts and lives of those eternal souls you helped bring into existence.  You can dedicate them to God like Hannah did Samuel (1 Sam. 2:28).  You can sacrifice for them like Samson’s mother did for him (Jud. 13:13-14).  You can treasure the things about your children in your heart as Mary did about Jesus (Lk. 2:19).

In the meantime, while you are coping with the daily frustrations of motherhood, remember the words of Jan Dunlap:

Help me remember, when I feel it’s a chore,
The time will come when I’ll hold baby no more,
Asleep on my chest, the crib refused, the blanket,
the pacifier, gone unused.

What better place is there to lay baby’s head
Than against my heart, my arms her bed?

For children grow up and leave us behind
With only memories left to remind us
Of midnight walking and predawn rocking,
Of sweet, crying babies unable to sleep.

So, keep me patient and keep me awake
While I cradle this dear child,
And don’t let me begrudge another long night
With this baby, my darling, my joy, my delight.

The trials of motherhood are a relative moment.  The lessons you leave them last beyond a lifetime.  Thank you for willingly, lovingly, and righteously pursuing this important facet of God’s work on earth!
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A Story With Many Points

Neal Pollard

Several years ago, when preaching in Virginia, I spoke with a sweet, 69-year-old woman who had watched our TV program and wanted to speak to me. During the course of our visit, she told me a story I will never forget. Tearfully, she told me of her 14-year-old grandson, Matthew, who locked himself in his room, took a pistol, put it in his mouth, and pulled the trigger. He was rushed to MCV Hospital in Richmond. He survived, but the bullet was permanently lodged in his sinus cavity and he was in constant, relentless pain. The greatest pain, however, was not physical. It was emotional and spiritual. Matthew’s mother and father routinely flew to Las Vegas to gamble, dumping him off with anyone who would take him. They might win a few thousand dollars on some trips, but they invariably lost their winnings and then some. The father had told the son, not long before his suicide attempt, “I wish I’d never set eyes on you!” The boy had told his grandmother, “Nobody loves me.” He had also told her, “I want somebody to take me to church.” When she offered, he said, “I want my daddy to come and sit beside me.” This dear elderly woman lamented that he grandson’s parents never showed Matthew love and affection. In the wake of that, a young man with most of life before him, could not bear the thought of continuing one more day in such a topsy, turvy, loveless circumstance.

I felt a flood of emotions: Pity, for the boy; Anger, for the parents; Sympathy, for the grandmother. Upon reflection, there are several lessons to be learned from Matthew’s plight.

  • Bad decisions often carry awful consequences. Matthew learned this by the single squeeze of a trigger. If the parents weren’t past feeling, they might see the connection between their selfishness and his anguish. Galatians 6:7-8.
  • Sin destroys a proper sense of priorities. The parents were, in the grandmother’s estimation, greedy and selfish. They put themselves above their responsibility to their son. They made it clear they loved money (cf. 1 Tim. 6:10), and they made it clear they did not love their own boy (cf. Eph. 6:4).
  • Homes without love crumble. “The wicked are overthrown and are no more, but the house of the righteous will stand” (Prov. 12:7; cf. 14:11). How our homes need to be filled with love! Without it, how many children will feel like Matthew did?
  • Parents have a vital role to play in the spiritual development of their children. What did Matthew want? His daddy seated next to him “in church.” Was that too much to ask? He was hungry for spiritual guidance from his parents. What a challenge! How are we preparing our children in spiritual matters?

There are too many young Matthews, empty inside, unsupported, unloved, and unaided. What condition is our home in? Is sin in the way? We should be careful how we walk in front of our children (cf. Eph. 5:15). We want them to do more than value their physical life. We want them to pursue and gain eternal life! May God bless us in that needed pursuit.

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Adorable Children

Neal Pollard

We are blessed to have quite a few young children in our congregation. Little boys and little girls, with unexpected observations, expressive faces, and humorous behaviors, make sure there is not a dull moment when they are around. Inspired writers use terms like “inheritance” (Prov. 13:22) and “gift” (Psa. 127:3) to impress us with their value. Jesus demands imitation of them (Mat. 18:3). Parents get so proud of their children, displaying their cuteness in pictures on social media. While so many kids reflect the good looks of their parents, it’s not looks that most make children adorable.  What makes children adorable?

  • Obedience to parents
  • The practice of good manners, courtesy and respect for others
  • A pleasant demeanor and general good mood
  • Avoiding the pattern or habit of tantrums and ill-temper
  • The ability to speak and make eye contact when spoken to
  • Laughter that reflects a genuine joy of living
  • Engagement and interest in worship and Bible class
  • Serving especially the elderly—visiting them, making cards or little presents for them
  • Speaking respectfully to adults

The qualities above reflect an attractiveness of godly parenting and an appreciation for biblical principles of conduct that will make them adorable adults one day.  It reflects the “others before self” mentality Christ wants to see in God’s children (Phil. 2:1-4). It reflects the humility and service that causes greatness in His Kingdom (Mat. 20:25-28). It reflects the thoughtful consideration that ought to typify Christians (Col. 3:12; Rom. 15:1ff). It reflects the spiritual mindset necessary to be winsome, attractive ambassadors for Him (cf. 2 Cor. 5:20; Rom. 12:17ff; etc.). Sometimes, much greater emphasis is given to the style of their clothes than to the strength of their character. We cannot put fashion before faith, image over integrity, or sophistication above spirituality.

I want to thank so many parents who get this ideal and are striving toward it. No one’s children are perfect, just like none of their parents (or critical adults) are. But, parents who are trying to instill quality inner qualities in their children deserve highest honor! Keep rearing adorable children. You’ll have a lifetime to be grateful that you did.

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LESSONS I WANT MY SONS TO CARRY INTO ADULTHOOD

Neal Pollard

I preface this simply by saying that I have far too imperfectly modeled these lessons far too often, but I maintain their worthiness. The world is rooting for our children to fail and fall, but the Word is written to counteract that! Prayerfully consider the following:

–Character Is More Important Than Charm And Charisma
–Hard Work Is Its Own Reward
–Be Honorable In Every Relationship—The World Sees Too Little Of This
–Conduct Yourself As A Gentleman, No Matter What Society Preaches
–Have The Courage To Stand Up For What’s Right, Even If You Stand Alone
–Notice The “Little” People—Those Who Cannot Advance Or Help You
–Trust Divine Principles Over Cultural Practices…Every Time!
–Purity Of Heart Is Directly Connected To Cleanliness Of Life
–Do Not Leave Devotional Time Out Of Daily Living (There Is No Day You Don’t Need Him)
–Stewardship Is A Whole Life Concept
–Serve God Faithfully And Forever, Whatever Your Profession
–The Church Needs You Now—Procrastination Here Is The Devil’s Delight
–Stay Humble, Especially When You Succeed Or Do Something Well
–Volunteer For Jobs No One Likes To Do
–Who You Marry Has The Most Impact On Where You Are Going—Choose Wisely!
–“Count Your Blessings, Not Your Crosses” (A.U.)—There’s Equal Opportunity To Do Either.
–Love And Respect The Church’s And Society’s Eldest Members
–Realize There Are People Watching You When You Least Expect It—Shine!
–There Will Always Be Those Who Are Led By Your Actions—Be Wise!
–Happiness Is Self-Determined, Not Externally-Driven
–Appreciate The Gravity, Value And Importance Of Your Word
–Never Outlive Your Love For Christ
–Don’t Allow Your Negligence To Cost Other People (Whether Time, Money, Trust, Or Good Will)
–Do Not Let The World Rob You Of The Profundity Of Your Purpose
–Honor The Name You’ve Been Given By Living A Godly Life
–A Moment’s Passion And Indiscretion Can Destroy A Lifetime Of Godly Living
–“Never Do Anything In Your Mate’s Absence You Wouldn’t Do In Her Presence” (Wendell Winkler)
–Appreciate The Preciousness Of Life Every Day
–Make Spreading Cheer A Conscious Priority (And Involve Your Face).
–Choose Compassion Over Cruelty
–Keep A Song On Your Lips
–Lead As Many People To Heaven As You Can And Know That Your Life Will Open More Doors Than Your Lips.
–Integrity Trumps Image… Every Time!

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Psalm 127:3

MY FAMILY TREE

Neal Pollard

Years ago, for a school project, I was asked to trace my ancestry and make a family tree. In the process I learned some things I did not know about my heritage. Some of that made me proud, and some of it did not. I also learned that a family tree is always living and growing. Now that I am a husband and father, I appreciate that my children (and, one day, grandchildren) will be affected by how I lead my family.

You are nourishing your family tree, too. How are you caring for it? That is called a legacy. It will affect those who live after you are gone. Consider some things every family tree has, and ask yourself what kind of tree you are growing in your home.

Your family tree has…

  • ROOTS. Something is central to your home. It is what drives and motivates you. It is where you have your primary interest and investment, measured in dollars, energy, and time. For your family tree to survive, you must be “firmly rooted and…built up in [Christ]” (Col. 2:7).
  • BRANCHES. Your home is an influence on the larger community surrounding you. Every facet of your life, your job, your friends, the church you attend, and your community, is impressed, positively and negatively, by your home. You have a reputation. You are seen. As your family branches out into the world, what impact is it making for Christ? Remember, “If the root be holy, the branches are too” (Rom. 11:16).
  • NUTRIENTS. God made the tree to eat and drink, and by such it lives. If the nutrients are cut off (via drought or disease or damage), the tree dies. Likewise, our family tree must be nourished properly to keep each member of it alive. We must keep “constantly nourished on the words of faith and of the sound doctrine” (1 Tim. 4:6).
  • FRUIT. It may be acorns, cones, blossoms, or edible fruit, but trees bear fruit. When a fruit-bearing tree ceases production, it is a sign of trouble. At best, such a tree has lost its value. Our family tree will be known by its fruits (cf. Mat. 7:16,20). Failing to bear good fruit (Gal. 5:22-23) or bearing bad fruit (Luke 6:43) is condemned by God.
  • PREDATORS. “Dutch Elm Disease,” beetles, ants, and termites can all prematurely end the life of a tree. Sometimes, what kills the tree cannot be readily seen. Trees can be eaten from the inside out, and by the time the damage is visible it is too late. How like the damage predators do to the home! Three are so many! Tragically, sometimes the damage comes from within—what we do or allow to happen in the family. Satan is the predator of the home, but he works through human agency.
  • LEAVES. There are evergreens, conifers, and pines, but hardwoods are the most fascinating to me. I like their annual cycle. In Spring, the trees are in bloom and put on their leaves. They flourish in Summer. In Autumn, they are vibrant in color and beautiful. In Winter, they die and leave the tree. Parents, think of your children as those “leaves.” From birth, they bud and grow. Hopefully, in the teen years after trial and tribulation they begin to absorb and emulate the good principles we have taught. It can be a beautiful time. Then comes the time for them to leave. Remember that they are going to leave home some day. Make sure they leave spiritually and eternally prepared.