Categories
feelings misunderstanding motivation Uncategorized words

WHEN MISUNDERSTOOD

Neal Pollard

It will happen, at least occasionally. A remark you make gets taken out of context, will not be correctly heard, or will be heard through the personal filters of the listener. Your facial expressions and body language may not accurately express your feelings or at least not tell the whole story. People may ignore the adage, “Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see.” While that truism may be naive and certainly not entirely true, we’ve all been on the receiving end of others’ misunderstandings of what we’ve written, said, or done. What do we do when we feel we’ve been unfairly treated by the misunderstandings of others? Consider the following:

  • Try to understand others better.  Everybody has been through the same thing. I need to make sure I’ve not misunderstood intonation, intention, motivation, emotion, or information. It’s easy to happen.
  • Don’t obsess over the hurt. The world has enough victims, and the perpetual victim is exhausting. I cannot afford to fixate on the fracture. I am usually best served to let it g.
  • Rejoice in the great company you are keeping. Jesus’ whole life and ministry was misunderstood by the religious leaders of His day. Their misunderstanding was certainly not the meat of His mission. His eyes focused on the bigger picture. He was perfectly sinless and still unjustly treated. I can rejoice when I’m in a similar position, sinful though I am.
  • Turn to God, not gossip. This is hard! The urge to lash out and retaliate can seem irresistible, but it’s definitely possible. How much greater peace and harmony would come if we resolved to pray (even for the “misunderstander”) when misunderstood?
  • Redouble your efforts to spread salt and light. I may be tempted to throw up my hands and say, “What’s the use? If this is what I get, I quit.” That doesn’t sound so good when I can read it in print. Instead, I need to strive harder to do good.
  • If necessary, clarify but with utmost love and kindness. But, let me do some serious soul-searching and ask, “Is it really necessary?” Can I turn my cheek(s) and move on? If I truly cannot, I need to cleanse my heart of sinful anger and act in genuine love and kindness toward my “aggressor.”
  • Remember that wisdom is justified of her children. Ultimately, the body of work that is your life will leave a clear impression. Most people who know us know more about us than we think. They see what side of the ledger our lives are lived on and they draw conclusions accordingly. I just need to be characterized by righteousness and good works.
  • Be sure you are communicating clearly. Communication is a problem in every medium and relationship. Some do better than others, but all make mistakes. When I am misunderstood, I need the humility and honesty to step back and ask if I asked for a reaction through unclear meaning or veiled messages.

I hate to be misunderstood. But as with every other trial, I can often find blessings even in these distasteful situations. My prayer is that I will not be conformed to the world (or the worldly), but I can be transformed by the renewing of my mind. That’s going to turn out for the best (Rom. 12:1-2).

misunderstood1

Categories
criticism eldership hypercriticism leaders leadership Uncategorized

Armchair Elders

Neal Pollard

He shouts at his TV with a mouthful of Cheetos. “I can’t believe you! Four receivers downfield and you throw it behind the line of scrimmage to a man who’s double covered! You’re pathetic. Must be nice to get millions of dollars to make awful decisions. Where do I sign?” After several additional one-sided conversations with the TV, Mr. Potato (first name: “Couch,” aka “Armchair Arnie”) dusts crumbs off his potbelly with those trademark orange fingertips and limps into the kitchen, stiff from sitting three hours, to get another snack before the second half of the NFL doubleheader.

Water cooler wide receivers. La-Z boy linebackers. The game’s true experts do not prowl the sidelines with headsets, nor do they actually suit up, strap on, and sweat it out. The guys with all the answers are the ones who would crumble with fear if placed on the same field with the athletes they so roundly criticize for bungling with the ball.

I have observed that the same temptation can occasionally strike some with regard to elders. Whether it be their judgment or painstaking decisions, their handling of a member’s problems or needs, or their overall “job performance,” elders get taken to task more often than they realize by pew chair presbyters. They may criticize elders for what they did or for their failure to act, for being too strict or too lenient, for showing favoritism or trying to please everyone, for being too conservative or too liberal–all with the regard to a single action taken or decision made.

There is a striking similarity to the “armchair quarterbacking” done by unfit, unqualified spectators at sporting events. Those who can’t are apt to criticize those that can and do. It is far easier to question and condemn the actions taken by elders without the benefit (and angst) of wrangling with problems and decisions oneself. How we can eloquently outline the plan of action we would take absent the pressure and responsibility of being in the position.

Let’s pray more for our elders and pass judgment less! Let’s support them with might, not scrutinize them under a microscope. They need our cooperation and submission (Heb. 13:17). They could do with less backbiting and murmuring (cf. 1 Co. 10:10).

That’s not to say that elders are beyond reproach and rebuke (1 Tim. 5:20). Occasionally, an elder or eldership may be deserving of question–particularly in the area of doctrine or their personal qualification. As a longtime Falcons fan, I had to endure the likes of Scott Hunter, Pat Sullivan, and June Jones! They were terrible quarterbacks, though much better than I could ever have been. Elders will answer directly to Christ for their shepherding of the local flock. We, as embers, will also answer for how we cooperated with and supported them. Let’s all resolve to get out of the chair and join them on the field (cf. John 4:35)!

sedentary

Categories
accountability motivation presumption Uncategorized

“He Shot Me”


Neal Pollard

I want to preface this story by saying that, of all my siblings, I probably got away with more than the other two combined.  However, on at least one occasion, I was punished for something I did not do.  My brother was about four years old, and he, some neighborhood buddies, and I were playing war.  Brent had a toy Kentucky rifle, while I was toting my new, unloaded Daisy B-B gun.  Perhaps my parents had worried that at nine years old I was too young for such a potent weapon, but they allowed me to own it.  In the heat of battle, Brent and I converged around the corners of our house.  I aimed and fired.  He fell down to play dead for the obligatory “five Mississippis,” but he fell on the sight of that Kentucky rifle.  This led to perhaps the quickest peace treaty in the history of boys playing war.  Brent had a nasty gash under his eye and very nearly did permanent damage to himself.  When Dad and Mom asked what happened, he said, “Neal shot me!” You, Brent, and I know what he meant, but seeing things from their point of view they concluded I had fired a B-B that produced the gaping wound.  These were the last moments between my Daisy and me.  Soon it was a mangled heap of metal.  Dad felt terrible when he understood what Brent meant.

Before you wag your head in disbelief at how this was handled, consider a few facts.  The Sunday before, another buddy and I had been putting Easter eggs on the chain link fence at our property line for target practice.  We did pretty well, though we were oblivious to the fact that we were putting small dings in my buddy’s stepfather’s new 1979 customized Chevy van.  It was another thirty feet beyond the eggs.  I escaped any punishment for that one.  Dad had shown me how to safely use the gun, but I had my own ideas.  The target practice example was my worst but not my only.  I was destined for a date with a demolished Daisy.  My track record caught up to me.

Paul deals with “track records” and character with his son in the faith.  He had been teaching Timothy about how to deal with sin in the latter part of 1 Timothy five.  Public sinners were to be rebuked publicly (20).  Yet, dealing with others’ sins was to be done prudently to avoid sharing responsibility in their sins (22).  The rebuking one was to keep himself free from sin (22b).  Then, Paul ends by writing, “Some men’s sins are clearly evident, preceding them to judgment, but those of some men follow later. Likewise, the good works of some are clearly evident, and those that are otherwise cannot be hidden” (24-25, NKJ).  In context, Paul is guiding Timothy in the investigating of those who would serve as elders.  Prudence and deliberation, in looking into their character, was vital.  Jumping to conclusions too quickly, whether too charitably or too severely, was unwise.  To help Timothy, Paul emphasizes that character often becomes apparent after sufficient examination.

By way of broader application, isn’t the same true of all of us.  As Jesus once put it, “Yet wisdom is vindicated by all her children” (Luke 7:35, NASU).   John and Jesus had been wrongly rejected by the Jews, but time and fruit would eventually exonerate the character of each.  That is, those converted through their work would prove the rightness of their teaching.  This would require the test of time and sufficient proving grounds.

Is one preaching for fame, glory, wealth, or power?  Look long and hard, with a good and discerning heart.  You will often see.  Is an elder serving through selfish ambition, to wield power, or out of materialistic greed?  It often comes to the surface.  Why are we Christians?  Why do we serve God?  It so often comes to light in this life.  Yet, whether it does in this life or not, it will ultimately.  Let us strive to keep watch over our hearts (cf. Mark 7:20-23).  Let us constantly purify our motives (cf. Eph. 6:5-8).  Remember that character will be tested.  Strive to do what is right even when you are not seen by others, and character will usually be apparent.

copper2

Categories
arguing attitude Christianity kindness unity

“MY BROTHER SHOT ME!”

Neal Pollard

My sons have had some notable incidents involving guns, particularly the air-soft variety.  While these all are thankfully memories from the past, they continued a less than proud tradition from their father.  I have stories involving my BB gun, easter eggs set on a fence, and a custom van parked in the next yard, “old west shootouts” involving BB guns and all our neighborhood buddies (including the loss of at least one permanent tooth), and one other BB gun story that stands out in my mind more than any other.  It was shortly after the easter eggs incident, and my brother and I were playing cowboys and Indians on a warm Spring Sunday afternoon.  It had been a tough week for Brent, not yet school-aged. Just a few days before he was climbing on a stair rail, lost his grip, and fell head first onto the concrete.  He had recuperated enough from that to be outside with me.

Our shoutout rules were typical.  If you got shot, you had to fall down and play dead for 10 seconds. Then, you got back up and resumed action. Brent had a cool toy flintlock pistol. I had my trusty BB gun in hand. As I recall, Brent came running around the house right into my ambush.  I cried out, “Bang, bang, bang!” He fell to the ground and got up crying.  He was bleeding under his eye and had a frightening gash.  We both had great imaginations, but not that great!

Our parents heard the commotion and Brent told them, “Neal shot me!”  That was sufficient investigation, given that the concussion and the easter egg incident were both fresh on their minds.  Dad took my Daisy and in an incredible show of strength ended its functional use with a single application to his knee.  A spanking quickly followed.  Meanwhile, Mom had done triage on Brent enough to ascertain one additional fact.  I had only pretended to shoot him (the Daisy was not loaded) and Brent fell on the sight of that pistol and produced that gash.  Dad felt terrible and apologized to me before taking Brent to get stitches.  Of course, with my checkered past with my low-powered air gun, I was not very incensed.

Since I have “grown up,” I have drawn my own conclusions without having all the facts.  I have done this with my sons, and I have done it with my wife.  I have done this at times with my brothers and sisters in Christ.  I was sure I had all the facts and I reacted.  More than once, I’ve felt the regret of being hasty and premature.

When that brother or sister seems cold, distant, or unfriendly, they may simply be having a terrible day or dealing with an incredibly heavy burden.  When it seems that son or daughter has misbehaved, take the time to ascertain all the facts before reacting.  When  in a spousal spat, stave off assumptions, perceptions, and prejudices that may lead you to a hasty, false conclusion.

How many have fallen prey to “friendly fire” from loved ones? Be careful not to accidentally shoot first and ask questions later.  If you do, have the humility to admit your mistake and make it right!  If we can, we should avoid a “shoot out.” If we must, then we must fight fair!

Categories
Bear Valley church of Christ Daily Bread Neal Pollard Pollard blog Uncategorized

THE PROBLEMS WITH PRESUMPTION

Neal Pollard

Unfortunately, most of us are guilty of it.  Some call it “jumping to conclusions” (which, as it has been noted, can be a very painful exercise), others “reaching a verdict without a trial.”  This usually happens when we venture to guess another person’s motives or judge a person’s life without having all the facts.  The danger of this is that we can be certain of our conclusion, then find we have missed the truth by the proverbial mile.

PRESUMPTION CAUSES ONE TO KNOW BEFORE HAVING INFORMATION.  Solomon, by inspiration, says, “He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him” (Prov. 18:13).  That applies to poor listeners in a conversation, but also faulty perception about one’s circumstances.   It is a biblical principle to be certain of a situation before ever uttering a word about it.  Think of how foolish it is to pass judgment without a full hearing.

PRESUMPTION CAUSES ONE TO HAVE BOLDNESS WITHOUT FOUNDATION.  In 2 Peter 2:10, Peter references certain unrighteous ones, saying, “Presumptuous are they, self-willed, they are not afraid to speak evil of dignities.”  They fearlessly and recklessly speak against others, even those in authority, based on personal opinions they confuse with the truth (here is the idea of “self-willed” or “arrogant”).  They rant and rave about the object of their fury based on preconceived notions that they will not clutter up with the actual truth.

PRESUMPTION CAUSES ONE TO SIN WITHOUT RESTRICTION.  This is why David prayed, “Also keep back your servant from presumptuous sins” (Psa. 19:13a).  It is a prayer for self-control against willful sinning.  He speaks of this same, arrogant spirit, using a word elsewhere translated “proud.”  Willfully entering into sin hardens the heart, including saying something against somebody which we are certain we do not know with certainty is true.

Understand, presumptuous sin takes in much more than our subject, but includes it.  Its synonyms are ugly–audacity, impudence, and gall.  Yet, it is something against which all of us must daily fight!  It is so easy to convince ourselves that we know what is driving other people or what has landed them in their present circumstances.  It got Job’s friends into a big problem.  Let us remember this rule:  Substantiate before you propagate, and then only carefully and prayerfully!