Category: empathy

Beyond Platitudes: The Power Of Empathetic Listening

Brent Pollard

The protagonist in “THX 1138” navigates a dystopian society where the government enforces drug-induced obedience, resulting in a docile population. This society is meticulously regulated, with every aspect weighed against cost efficiency. The government aggressively eliminates overbudget items and even regulates religion.

The Renaissance image of Jesus Christ by Hans Memling serves as the visual representation of the deity OMM-0000, whom the inhabitants of this dystopia worship. THX 1138 engages OMM in a phone booth-like setting, seeking solace by sharing his concerns. However, OMM’s responses are eerily consistent regardless of your problem, providing generic advice that appears disconnected from the protagonist’s circumstances. The impression that THX 1138 is merely interacting with a machine becomes clear.

Here are OMM-0000’s canned responses to THX 1138 in one scene of the movie:

“My time is yours…

Very good, proceed…

Yes, I understand…

Yes fine…

Yes… yes, I understand…

Yes, fine…

Excellent…

Yes…

Could you be more specific?

You are a true believer.

Blessings of the state, blessings of the masses. Thou art a subject of the divine. Created in the image of man, by the masses, for the masses. Let us be thankful that we have an occupation to fill. Work hard, increase production, prevent accidents, and be happy.”

In another interchange between THX 1138 and OMM, OMM’s dialogue is verbatim until the last sentences:

“Let us be thankful we have commerce. Buy more. Buy more now. Buy more and be happy.”

In this part of the movie, THX 1138 is not taking the mandated drugs, and as a result, he experiences withdrawal symptoms. These symptoms exacerbate the harsh and gloomy reality of his dystopian world. Although he has someone in OMM who is supposed to bring comfort, THX 1138 discovers the truth about his god.

I have sought advice from Christian community members who unfortunately ended up as helpful as OMM, providing me with canned answers like “read your Bible” and “pray more.” Although this advice is valuable, it doesn’t always feel enough when faced with specific difficulties. By telling someone their positivity alone can help them overcome adversity, we place an unfair burden as they strive to cope and find solutions. For instance, a brother once told me I could overcome Crohn’s disease simply by thinking myself well since the Bible says our thoughts determine our reality. (“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23.7 NKJV). Such viewpoints can be particularly frustrating when one is dealing with complex issues, such as long-term health problems or depression, for which easy solutions do not exist.

The biblical figure Job faced similar frustrations. Initially, his friends offered silent support during his grief. However, they responded with criticism rather than understanding when he expressed his suffering. Job’s desire to argue his case directly with God emphasizes the importance of being heard and understood rather than dismissed with platitudes or unfounded advice (see Job 13.1–5).

The subject matter highlights a more significant issue: the tendency to provide quick fixes rather than empathetic listening. In times of pain or doubt, people often need space to express themselves, even if their words appear exaggerated or contentious. Job’s friends should have silently listened when Job wished he had not been born instead of blaming his alleged sins. The story of Job demonstrates that divine compassion outweighs human judgment, reminding us of the Christian call to love and listen to one another without passing judgment or offering simplistic advice.

Therefore, the next time someone seeks your support, resist the impulse to provide immediate solutions. Instead, listen attentively and allow them to guide the conversation. A listening ear rather than unsolicited advice can provide genuine relief and support, fostering a more compassionate and understanding environment. Prayerfully speak to them when appropriate once someone has fully vented their emotions.

He Understands

Friday’s Column: Brent’s Bent

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Brent Pollard

One of the cherished tenets of Christianity is the High Priesthood of Christ. Therefore, we relish the Hebrew writer’s assurance that we have a sympathetic High Priest Who endured temptation without sin (Hebrews 4.14-15). Thus, I tend to hear the words of Jesus in Matthew 26.41 and Mark 14.38 a little differently: “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Unfortunately, I think many people take that as a rebuke. Yet, compassion is a word oft associated with Jesus in the Gospels. And Jesus knew the hearts of these men. He knew they had a desire to watch and pray but were physically exhausted. 

Now, it is true that remaining diligent in watchfulness and prayer would have better served Peter, James, and John. However, these apostles were ultimately human and needed rest. There is a discernible difference between laziness and fatigue. If Peter, James, and John were sleeping because they were bored or took the situation lightly, would Jesus have credited them with having the willing spirit? Of course, not. Jesus recognized that they wanted to do as He told them.  

Jesus knows well the limitations of the flesh. If you recall the Apostle Paul’s words, he says that Jesus emptied Himself, taking the likeness of man, to become a bondservant (Philippians 2.5-11). His obedience to His Father was so complete that He even tasted of death for every man (Hebrews 2.9). Hence, Jesus sometimes felt tired. So, where do we find Jesus after a day of performing signs and healing the sick in Matthew 8.24? He was sleeping on a boat. Yes, the disciples woke Him up because they feared the storm, but Jesus was resting. Do we think He went to sleep only to show His disciples proof of His Sonship? 

The point here is that Jesus understands. Some saints may experience issues sidelining them from service. It could be one has a chronic illness, advanced age, military deployment, or employers who disregard his pleas to have Sundays and Wednesday nights off from work. I know that I beat myself up sometimes, thinking I should do more.  But I’m not always honest with myself. In my mind, I can do anything I want. However, COPD and my current efforts to walk correctly again after prolonged hospitalization hamper me.  In moments like this, I remind myself of how Jesus looked at the exhausted three in Gethsemane’s garden. His grace says, “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” 

Obviously, this is not something one abuses. Just because Jesus understands the human condition doesn’t mean we can willfully neglect our spiritual service (cf. Romans 12.1-2). As Paul reminds us, grace is not a license to sin (cf. Romans 6.1-2). But take heart when you feel that you are a failure. The Lord knows your heart. Yes, He may remind you of your duty through the Word, but He will acknowledge a willing spirit hindered by the flesh.

Tired Shoulders

Thursday’s Column: Dale Mail

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Dale Pollard

It’s common in the age we live in to get stuck on the “daily grind.” We wake up, drink coffee, get dressed, go to work or school, come home at the end of the day, and start all over again in the morning. It’s repetitive and the days can seem to blend together. On top of this monotony, you have your own problems to solve. We’ve got our own responsibilities to keep up with. For some it’s family and for others it’s homework or any number of other duties. This can cause anxiety or depression. Those thoughts that are familiar to so many can creep into our minds. Thoughts like, “why am I even doing this? What’s the point?” Our shoulders are tired with the burden of life. There’s too much going on and we may just want to shut down or sleep to escape the day. The weight is heavy.

So try something. Wake up! When our minds are full of our problems and our responsibilities and everything that’s wrong with our lives and our circumstance, we miss something precious. We miss out on the lives of everybody else that also share this planet. Solve your problems and shake the daily grind by branching out. Strive to achieve selflessness by loving others and showing compassion. Solve your problems by trying to help others with theirs. If I personally have my own problems as a young adult, I know that there are others with problems much bigger than mine. Their shoulders are killing them and they’ve been carrying the weight longer than me.

There are people all around you struggling with the same things or worse. The next time you Tweet, begin to create a Facebook status, or blog, are you about to be another problem for someone else? Or are you about to ease their aching shoulders?

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Seeing Through Others’ Eyes

Neal Pollard

What is the greatest trial?
What do men so despise?
The hardest climb and dreariest mile
Is seeing through another’s eyes.

It may appear uncomplicated,
Completely cut and dry,
But our skills may be overrated,
As we try to see through the other’s eye.

We don’t know what they’re thinking
Can’t know their circumstance
Or how abruptly their heart is sinking
From our outward, presumptuous glance

Their motivation quite hidden,
About their intentions we have no clue,
Reading minds God made forbidden,
We can’t see from their point of view.

Instead, the chore is vital,
As we look on from without,
Our object is entitled,
To every benefit of the doubt.

Let’s pray for them, be their servant,
Love them with a Christ-like love,
Show a kindness warm and fervent,
Trust the All-Seeing-Eye above.

Treat them how we’d want to be treated,
Treat them strictly by The Book,
Leave their heart to the One seated,
Who can watch with a perfect look.

The challenge becomes less daunting
When we cut it down to size
And we give what we’re always wanting
A loving look from through Jesus’ eyes.

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“I THINK I UNDERSTAND”

Neal Pollard

As part of the personal evangelism class I just taught in Cambodia, I had the students engage in role-playing for a couple of days.  It was wonderful and memorable.  Some of the students are brand new Christians and have no experience doing personal work.  All of them got into it wholeheartedly. Perhaps the most poignant moment came about purely accidentally.  We had a table set up, with a teacher, silent partner, and student.  The “student” was to come up with the issue or dilemma for the “teacher” to solve. In one particular scenario, the “student” hit the teacher with his true background.  He said, “When I was born, I did not even get to see my parents. They died and I am an orphan. If there is a God, why did this happen?”  His teacher gently and unassumingly said, “I think I understand. I lost my parents when I was young, too, and I am an orphan.” There followed a beautiful lesson on God’s love and pretty good insights on why there is suffering in this world. But the fact his teacher not only comprehended, but experienced his situation made a huge impact on everyone in the room.

We will suffer in a great many ways throughout our short sojourn on this earth.  At times, we may think that not another soul on earth understands.  Perhaps, there will come a time when that is actually true.  However, we will never encounter a single trial but that someone will always understand.  He may not be on earth, but He is ever-present. He is actually omnipresent.  The Hebrews writer says of Him, “For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb. 4:15-16).  As we bring our biggest, most debilitating issues into His presence, He gently says, “I think I understand.” Praise God!