Tag: demeanor

Gentleness

Neal Pollard

The word does not show up very much in the New Testament, yet it is part of the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:23). It may seem similar to patience and kindness, but it differs from them. Spiros Zodhiates, in his New Testament word study, explains gentleness as 

Meekness, but not in a man’s outward behavior only, nor in his relations to  his fellow man or his mere natural disposition. Rather, it is an inwrought grace of the soul, and the expressions of it are primarily toward God (James 1:21; 3:13; 1 Pet. 3:15; Sept.: Ps. 45:4). It is that attitude of spirit we accept God’s dealings with us as good and do not dispute or resist. Praǘtēs, according to  Aristotle, is the middle standing between two extremes, getting angry without reason (orgilótēs [n.f.]), and not getting angry at all (aorgēsía [n.f.]). Therefore, praǘtēs is getting angry at the right time, in the right measure, and for the right reason.  Praǘtēs is not readily expressed in Eng. (since the term “meekness” suggests weakness), but it is a condition of mind and heart which demonstrates gentleness, not in weakness, but in power. It is a balance born in strength of character.

Gentleness may be the consummate people skill, but it is so difficult to master. It’s often emphasized as a skill we each must have as members of the church (2 Tim. 2:24; Ti. 3:1-2). Gentleness comes in handy with soul-winning (1 Pet. 3:15), proving wisdom (James 3:13), in preaching (2 Tim. 2:25, and moral living (1 Tim. 6:11).

In the context of Galatians 5-6 and being a spiritual member of the church, gentleness is necessary for holding a congregation together. It’s how we’re told to restore an erring brother–gently (Gal. 6:1). In fact, congregational unity hinges upon our being gentle with each other (Eph. 4:1-3). 

Why is this tough? Because the world tells you it’s dog eat dog, you get them before they get you, and you go for the juggler vain. That’s horrible advice for doing business and even worse advice for treating your brethren. We live by a higher law that includes gentleness. 

A story is told  of a man whose kids won four free goldfish so he went one morning to find an aquarium at the store. The first few he priced were way too expensive, but then he spotted a discarded 10-gallon display tank, complete with gravel and filter for a mere $5. It was filthy, but the savings made the two hour clean up well worth it. Those four fish seemed to thrive in their new home, for the first day. But by the next day, one was dead. The day after that a second was dead, and a third one was gone by the end of that day. An expert was consulted and he quickly discovered the problem. The man had washed the tank with soap, an absolute no-no. His misguided efforts had destroyed the very lives he tried to protect. 

Sometimes, in our zeal to clean up others’ lives, we use the killer soaps of condemnation, criticism, nagging, and outbursts of anger. We may think we are doing right, but our harsh self-righteousness is too much for the object of our efforts.  Paul stresses that a failure to practice gentleness proves that we are spiritually immature and weak. Jesus Himself embodied it (Mat. 11:29; 21:5), and He teaches that His followers win by incorporating it (Mat. 5:5). 

How can you practice gentleness today?

  • When someone who looks up to you or is influenced by you has sinned or done something unwise, temper your response with a loving, pleasant, and kind reaction.
  • When inconvenienced or delayed by someone (at school, on the job, shopping, in traffic), beat back bad temper and force a genuine smile.
  • When your spouse or child disappoints or aggravates you, stop, think, and then show a loving, mild, and lenient response. 
  • When facing incompetence, ignorance, or ineptness, prevent your mouth from criticism, your face from contempt, and your tone from sarcasm. 

Especially when you have an advantage and when others make mistakes of the head rather than the heart, call upon this part of the fruit of the Spirit. To do otherwise is to let the flesh reign (Gal. 5:19-21). Remember, “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” (24). 

THE CONNECTION BETWEEN HEART AND ATTITUDE

Monday’s Column: Neal At The Cross

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Neal Pollard

Jesus was teaching around the Sea of Galilee when some Pharisees from Jerusalem saw some of His disciples eating bread with unwashed hands. They considered this ceremonial impurity (Mark 7:1-2). Mark gives a short list of examples of rules the Pharisees inherited from their forefathers and pushed as divine law (3-5). This law-making upsets Jesus considerably. In Mark 7:6-13, Jesus rebukes them for confusing tradition and God’s commandments. They were so in love with their traditions that it actually caused them to violate God’s will. 

Then, He uses that episode as a springboard to discuss a related spiritual concern. The central thought was, “The things that proceed out of a man are what defile the man” (15b). The point was probably missed on the crowd because it was missed by the disciples (17). Mark tells us that Jesus was declaring all foods clean (19), but there was a deeper, spiritual point. He makes it plainly when He says, “That which proceeds out of the man, that is what defiles the man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man” (20-23).

I wonder how this initially hits the disciples. The Pharisees definitely would not have appreciated it. They considered themselves spiritually superior, but context would suggest they would have been as big offenders as anyone in this. Some of what comes out of the heart that Jesus mentions is “big” enough to make our sin’s “hall of fame” or at least its “all-star” team. Wouldn’t you be quick to put fornication, theft, murder, adultery, and wickedness on the “evil things” list?

But Jesus digs deeper and exposes our hearts further. Look at what makes His “big” list with those other sins: evil thoughts (literally, harmful reasoning), deceit, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness (lack of good judgment). Before we brush these aside, consider some practical application.

What is it when we assume others’ intentions and motives without tangible evidence? What about when we have such a tainted perception of someone that we cannot be civil and peaceable, much less tenderhearted, kind, and forgiving toward them (cf. Eph. 4:32)? What of using opportunities to gossip and slander a brother or sister in Christ? What about the words we say when our pride is wounded or we feel slighted? What about a failure to be discreet about people’s situations we come into the knowledge of? 

Scripture tells us how vitally important a good, Christlike attitude is. Philippians uses the word “mind” to admonish proper attitude. A mind fueled by encouragement, love, affection, and compassion lead not only to unity, humility, and high regard for others, but it also reflects the mind of Christ (Phil. 2:1-11). It eliminates grumbling and disputing (Phil. 2:14). It shows us to be above reproach in the middle of a world that lives out the kinds of things Jesus reproves in Mark 7:20-23 (Phil. 2:15). 

If I have a heart filled with the kind of “evil things” in Jesus’ Mark seven list, how can I have the right, Christlike attitude He expects me to have? I will likely be biting, sarcastic, bitter, hateful, negative, complaining, and critical. Whatever that says about the object of my bad attitude, it does not excuse me in His eyes. He would tell me I am defiled. That means unclean and unacceptable. To see it that way convicts me to watch my heart so that acidic content does not spill out and hurt my reputation, my relationships, and my Righteous Ruler! 

FORGOTTEN FRUIT

Neal Pollard

Paul especially urges a particular quality that seems rarer these days. However, this is not a trait disappearing only with those in the world, but one that seems harder for us who claim to be disciples of Christ. He uses a word in Galatians 5:23, Ephesians 4:2, Colossians 3:12, and 1 Timothy 6:11, among others—James does, too (1:21; 3:13). The word, πραΰτης, means “gentleness of attitude and behavior, in contrast with harshness in one’s dealings with others” (Louw-Nida, Greek-English Lexicon, 1996, n. pag.). They suggest the word includes “always speaking softly to or not raising one’s voice” (ibid.). Another Lexicon, in defining the word, speaks to what may prevent one demonstrating gentleness, namely “…being overly impressed by a sense of one’s self-importance” (Arndt, Danker, et al, 2000, n. pag.). Yet, surely there are other impediments to our bearing the fruit of gentleness.

We struggle to be gentle, don’t we?

  • With our children’s weaknesses and mistakes.
  • When responding to our spouse, whether in impatience or aggravation.
  • With rude fellow-shoppers, incompetent cashiers, or pokey or inattentive drivers.
  • Being at odds with a brother or sister in Christ in a clash of personalities or purposes.
  • Having thoughtless or rude neighbors.
  • Engaging in a disagreement with a faceless, nominal acquaintance on social media.
  • Dealing with customer service, especially if we get an ESL representative.

This is just a sampling of situations which tempt us to abandon a gentle spirit. Aristotle called this quality “the middle standing between two extremes, getting angry without reason…and not getting angry at all” (Zhodiates, Dictionary, 2000, n. pag.). The New Testament does not tell the Christian that we cannot defend ourselves, protect our rights, or get what we pay for, for example. But, in addressing concerns, needs, and problems, how we do this makes all the difference.

For many of us, gentleness needs to be intentional. It doesn’t come naturally.  We need to pray about it, prepare ourselves for it, and practice it. Our passion needs to be harnessed. Our speech needs to be tempered. Just making the need for gentleness a conscious priority in our lives will greatly improve our performance, with family, friends, brethren, and strangers. It is a powerful tool to win hearts and shape lives, beginning with our own.

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The Word Is “Relationship”

Neal Pollard

Soon, we’ll have lived in our current home for two years.  We are enjoying the house, the location, the neighborhood, and most of the neighbors. However, one that lives pretty nearby has proven less than pleasant.  His wife is an officer in our neighborhood HOA, and each month’s newsletter is a new posting of the hierarchy’s “95 theses.”  Hardly anyone can keep from committing at least one infraction—certainly not us.  They’ve had very little communication with us except when the husband complained that our compost pile was too close to the fence (on the other side of which were his garbage cans).  Recently, while seeking our permission to re-paint their house, he took the opportunity to inspect the state of cleanliness of our garage.  I share his desire that we keep our homes and yards in good shape, as property values are riding on our collective interest in such.  The problem for them is that they have spurned our efforts at a relationship and they have done nothing to create one themselves.  Thus, we tolerate and peacefully co-exist.  But, there is no relationship.

Have you thought about how vital relationships are to our lives?  Think about how ineffective we are with people without them.  At best, we are mere associates. At worst, we become antagonists.  Think of how vital the entity of relationship is to:

  • Marriage (1 Pet. 3:7).
  • Parenting (Deu. 6:1ff).
  • A congregation (1 Th. 5:11).
  • Shepherding (John 10:4-5).
  • Church discipline (2 Cor. 2:6-8).
  • Restoring the erring (Gal. 6:1-2).
  • Preaching (2 Tim. 2:24-26; 4:2).
  • Church works (Eph. 4:16).
  • Deacons’ work (Acts 6:7).
  • Soul-winning (Col. 4:2-6).
  • Friendship (Prov. 18:24b).

Taking the time to build rapport may be mentally and emotionally exhausting at times.  The best of relationships will have their downs as well as their ups.  But God created us social beings not meant for isolation (Gen. 2:18).  Joel O’Steen is shallow and superficial in his “preaching,” but tens of thousands of people are drawn to him because they find him relatable. His message is deadly, but his method is engaging.  Some who consider themselves the staunchest “defenders of the faith” are virtual porcupines with their quills primed to stick those in their proximity.  Surely those of us striving to follow New Testament Christianity can strive to build relationships while we steadfastly teach and follow the truth.  How much more effective will we be as we conquer this principle every day?