The sound of devils crying in the night reminded early colonists of Tasmania of mythical hellhounds. As terrifying as their screams sound, Tasmanian devils aren’t much of a danger to humans— but they are to each other.
Not so long ago a vicious cancer began killing these animals and the initial cause of the disease was a mystery. As scientists began studying them they discovered that the cancerous tumors were self-inflicted! It’s not uncommon for the Tasmanian devils to fight and bite one another over a carcass or the rights to a female.
The devil’s ears will burn a bright red color when they’re upset but when they lash out at one another they further their own extinction. The bite wounds develop into a mutating cancer that will grow until eventually they succumb to the disease— or starvation.
At times people can also be guilty of destroying one another. Not with teeth, but through gossip and sadly the church isn’t immune to this disease, either. It’s no wonder that God warns us about the dangers time and again through His Word (Proverbs 11:13; 20:19).
“But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another.” – Galatians 5.15
Three Ways To Guard Against Gossip
Avoid being a spreader. It will build your integrity and trustworthiness.
Make it a point to speak highly of the person being slandered.
Offer biblical solutions instead of contributing to the gossip. This assumes the person spreading the gossip is genuinely concerned about the person(s) they’re talking about. Have they confronted the subject of their gossip (Matt. 18.15-20)? If they’re unwilling to act but willing to talk— avoid them.
There is an elastic word in the New Testament (καταλαλέω) that has the basic meaning of “to speak against.” It also means to “talk down,” “slander,” “speak ill of,” “expressing hostility in speaking,” “revile,” and “accuse.” When Peter uses it in his epistle, it refers to how the world speaks against the faithful Christian (1 Pet. 2:12; 3:16). But James uses it as a warning against how Christians speak to and about their brethren. He says, “Do not speak against one another, brethren. He who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks against the law and judges the law; but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor?” (Jas. 4:11-12).
The context involves quarrels and conflicts (Jas. 4:1ff). He will tie this practice to the judgment again in James 5:9. James addresses more than mere disagreement, but focuses on how they were disagreeing. It deteriorated into judging their brother. Judging here means “to come to a conclusion in the process of thinking and thus to be in a position to make a decision” (Louw-Nida, 358). This is a micro-step from assigning motives, judging hearts, and second-guessing. The Greek Old Testament uses our word in translating Psalm 50:20, where Asaph says, “You sit and speak against your brother; You slander your own mother’s son.” God strongly disapproved such behavior (Psa. 50:21)!
How might we be guilty of that today, especially in the context of the Lord’s church? What precipitates it, and how can we overcome this damaging tendency? These are important questions to ask and answer. For as long as I can remember, there have been those in the context of group dynamics who seem hard to please and quick to share it. They take aim at others, typically those in positions of leadership and are free to lob criticisms at their actions or decisions.
While this is not always the case, the critical are typically found on the sidelines. They are not usually among the most active workers and work their jaw muscles most of all. They reflect the spirit of the consumer culture, casting themselves as a client to be appeased. The same critical ones are much less likely to be heard praising others, speaking positively and with optimism, or carving out a Barnabas-like reputation as sons or daughters of encouragement (Acts 4:36). Instead, when you see them coming, hear them calling, or notice them texting, there may be part of you bracing for a storm slamming something that meets their decided disapproval.
Is this a spiritually terminal condition? Of course not! But it requires some adjustments of thinking and behavior. It necessitates empathy and love, and with the latter is not “rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged” (1 Cor. 13:5, NLT). It requires taking the focus off of self and pursuing one’s perceived rights and dues. It demands a heart trained in gratitude and appreciation. It relinquishes the feeling that one always must have his or her way. It trusts the judgment of appointed, qualified spiritual leaders like the church’s shepherds. It gives grace where it believes another is wrong. It expresses itself with humility, patience, and kindness.
Paul sums it up well, doesn’t he? “Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:1-3). It is impossible to obey this and hold onto a critical spirit! Instead, may we let it go for the sake of the peace and harmony Scripture calls us to!
I Timothy 3 concludes with a beautiful poetic sentence designed to sum up Christianity: God was shown to us in human form.
He was morally perfect in spirit. The angels saw him. The message about him was told to everyone. People in the world believed in him. He was taken up in glory.
4.1-6 address the teachings of legalistic people — they teach that Christians have to avoid certain practices that God doesn’t prohibit. This section can be summarized with verses 4-5: Everything that God made is good. Nothing he made should be refused if we accept it with gratitude. Everything he made is made pure through prayer.”
9-16 wraps up chapter four, especially 9-10 — We hope in the living God who will save all people, especially those who are faithful to him. This is why we work and struggle.
Chapter five is about each Christian’s responsibility to God’s family. It also includes a list of vulnerable members who should be provided for by the church. In that same section, 17-18, we learn that elders who lead well and dedicate a lot of their time to the church should be paid to do so, particularly those who counsel and teach.
Being an elder isn’t easy. It’s a ton of pressure, and the qualifications are strict. So 19 includes protections for those elders: don’t even listen to an accusation against an elder unless two or three other people also witnessed what he’s being accused of.
It’s easy to gossip about elders if we don’t like what they do. But this verse sets the standard for how we should talk about our spiritual leaders. Verse 21 takes it even further — when it comes to correcting an elder (or any other sinning member for that matter), we can’t be biased at all. Paul invokes three different ultimate-authority figures in this statement. We can’t throw someone under the bus just because we don’t like them.
Patients’ information in the US is protected by HIPAA. Specifically, “The Rule requires appropriate safeguards to protect the privacy of personal health information, and sets limits and conditions on the uses and disclosures that may be made of such information without patient authorization. The Rule also gives patients rights over their health information, including rights to examine and obtain a copy of their health records, and to request corrections” (hhs.gov).
We expect and demand that our privacy be protected when it comes to healthcare (and personal information in general). If that trust is breached, we may consider taking legal action against the trust breaker.
When it comes to our marriages, do we extend that same courtesy to our spouses? Or do we vent our frustrations about them to anyone who listens?
When it comes to personal information shared in confidence, do we extend that same courtesy to our Christian family? Or do we share that info with those in our personal circle?
When it comes to sensitive information we may have about someone in the church (or anywhere!), do we treat them with the same level of respect and discretion that we expect from those in the medical field or information technology fields? There are some exceptions to this principle (as common sense dictates), but we sometimes find ourselves sharing or listening to information we have no business sharing or consuming.
In short, if we expect this level of respect and discretion from the professional world, should we not do the same for those in God’s family?
“Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler” (Prov. 20:19, ESV).
The Son of God gives specific instructions for what to do when a spiritual family member sins. Jesus clearly says, “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” Notice the Divine pattern.
Perpetration (15a)–“If you brother sins.” This is what initiates the situation.
Presentation (15b)–“Go and show him his fault in private.” Paul would teach this later (Gal. 6:1). Notice that this is to be done privately.
Aspiration (15c)–“If he listens to you, you have won your brother.” Ideally, this is where the matter should end.
Escalation (16-17)–Jesus tells one what to do if a sinner refuses to listen. Start by taking one or two. If that does not work, then tell it to the church.
Repudiation (18)–If all three of these approaches fail to win the sinner, then you reject them.
Tragically, we very often disobey Jesus’ instructions about this and fail to understand that rebelling against His commandment then makes us a sinner, too.How often does it happen that a person, rather than dealing directly with the sinning brother, tells someone else? Then, that someone tells another. Soon, a whole group or even the whole church knows about the sin. Often, something that was private and even between just two people is made public by gossipers who continue to spread the matter. In some cases, those who hear and spread the matter never even speak to the offender. This prevents the sinner from being aware of who knows about it or being able to reconcile. It can even be the case that the sinner has repented and handled the matter with the original offender, but now others are brought into the matter after the fact. Those who have come to hear about the situation treat the sinner “as a Gentile and a tax collector,” without ever once speaking to them about it. Rifts form and relationships are affected.
When we fail to do things God’s way, we will make matters worse. May we consider passages like Mark 7:21-23, where Jesus places “big” sins like “fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness” alongside “little” sins like “deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness.” Jesus’ analysis is that “all” these things are “evil” and “defile the man.”
Recently, in an excellent lesson about gossip, the teacher recounted an incident I, and many others, could echo from the background of our own experience either in ministry or our personal lives. A mother asked her wayward daughter why she no longer was a member of the church. Her convicting reply, “The way that you always talked about the church, why would I be?” The way this daughter heard her parents talk about the church, she concluded the church was full of hypocrisy, flaws, and inadequacy. She was simply modeling what she heard them say throughout the years.
I’m thankful for the sound counsel we received well before we had children. We were advised never to speak ill of the church in front of our children, to run down elders, deacons, preachers, and other members. Knowing Kathy, she would have done this intuitively. For me, it was extremely helpful with my impetuous nature. Even whispered words in the front seat of the car, going home from church, will inevitably be heard by the little ears in the back seat (the same is true of the dinner table and other times the family is together). We may be blowing off steam, we may not have deep vendettas against the object of our criticism and complaint, and we may soon forget what we’ve said, but impressionable ears and hearts may internalize the words and materialize the message with their deeds and lives.
The attitude, relationship, and loyalty our children have toward the church is most shaped and determined, for good or ill, by our example as parents. What will help us speak well of the Lord’s church?
Remember who conceived of it, from nature to organization to purpose, etc. (Eph. 3:9-11).
Remember whose it is (Mat. 16:18-19; Eph. 5:33).
Remember our mission to bring others into it and that our home is our primary mission field (Mat. 28:19).
Remember how Jesus feels about the church (1 Tim. 3:15; Eph. 5:25).
Remember that the church is the location of the saved and we should do all we can to help our children make up that number (Acts 2:47; 1 Cor. 12:13).
Remember all that the Bible says God seeks to accomplish through the church: growth (Eph. 4:16), His glory (Eph. 3:20-21), and His grace (2 Cor. 8:1), among so many other things.
We may struggle to see our family harbor grudges and hard feelings against the church. Many factors may contribute to that, but we should begin with ourselves. What are we saying about the Lord’s bride? What is our attitude toward her? I cannot imagine that anything is more impactful than that, and that is probably the thing we can most control! May our family remember that our theme song, concerning the church, is, “I love Thy kingdom, Lord!” Surely this will influence how they feel about her, too.
There was a time when it was possible to engage in respectful, loving dialogue with brothers and sisters we disagreed with or had a problem with. Even if we felt passionately, we could discuss it civilly and retain or even strengthen our relationship with our “disputant.” We should be thankful that there are still many who are open to such a biblical methodology. However, there are some who seem intent only on winning the day, seizing some perceived moral or doctrinal high ground, or championing what appears to be a self-serving cause. Some of these same individuals are rife with rancorous rhetoric, baiting or calling out those they seem to see as enemies or the guilty. When we are called out, are we scripturally obligated to answer them or defend ourselves? Or, as the late Wendell Winkler put it, are we simply giving them a platform to spread their extreme views?
For the minority of brethren whose minds are made up, no matter what, or who seem eager to tangle, the question is whether or not it is necessary or helpful to answer their accusations. I realize there were circumstances like 2 Corinthians where Paul, who was innocent, wrote by inspiration to defend himself. But I also remember when the Lord stood before Herod, Pilate and the Jews and “answered…nothing” (Mat. 27:12; Mark 15:3,5; Luke 23:9; Isa. 53:7). While none of us are nearly so good as our Lord, He is the example we are to strive to follow (1 Pet. 2:21). Before answering an accuser, it is wise to determine the following:
What is my motivation for answering? Is it to save face for myself? Is it to somehow punish or put my accusers in their place? Is it to prove I’m right and they are wrong? Pride, anger, and hurt feelings are not proper motivations for answering an accuser.
What do I hope to accomplish by answering?Will I change their minds or those to whom they pander? Are they actually desirous of an answer? Will I rescue my reputation or harm it by going to their level?
What are the ethics of my accusers? Is this a hobby or obsession of theirs (i.e., do they have a pattern and history of doing this with others)? Do they have the facts straight? Do they assert things as facts that are quantifiably wrong? If so, will they deal honestly with the answers I give them or twist them to suit their own agenda?
Here is the judgment call we have to make. Solomon gives divergent advice in Proverbs 26 when he says, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes” (4-5). Sometimes you do, and sometimes you don’t. Perhaps the Lord has placed that ball in our court, trusting us to use our judgment. If my Lord’s name and cause is threatened, I will be ready to jump to His defense. If someone tries to do that with my name, I should be more careful and if this is a means to allow the common sense observer to look at both of our works and discern each of our characters, may I have the patience and maturity to see it as an opportunity to fulfill Matthew 5:38-48. We don’t have to attend every fight people goad us to join.
They are on the loose and nobody even seems to be hunting for them. They have struck countless times. They strike daily. Yet, they will never make the nightly news or the local paper. They do their deeds with seeming impunity. At times, their actions cause the weak and fearful to simply follow or at least stand by and say nothing. While they may escape the earthly courts of justice, they will give an account in the heavenly one. Who are these brutal killers?
Some strike at the personal level, assassinating the character of a brother or sister in Christ through gossip, slander, and backbiting. This type of assassin takes the good name and reputation of their victim and shreds it. Sometimes what they say is true but it should not be said. Usually, it is said in the absence of the object who is left unable to defend or explain. As often, what they say may be untrue, distorted, or crafted in such a way as to portray the object in the most unflattering or unsavory light. With practice, these assassins can seemingly wield their deadly weapon with seemingly seared conscience. Whether careless or calculated, they fire their darts with blind indifference. They leave a wake of carnage.
Some strike at the good works of a congregation, school, or program of work. With what appears to be little interest in fact-finding, for motives often unknown and perplexing, they often slander, misrepresent, or inconsistently apply rules they themselves cannot and do not live up to. At times, they make themselves the judge and create the standards whereby others are deemed fit or unfit to survive their assaults. But in doing this, they are hopelessly inconsistent. They face the prospect of facing merciless judgment, they themselves having been merciless.
Some strike without respect of person. Their tongues are unbridled, their passions and self-control are unchecked, and their disposition is volatile and ungodly. They are quick to fire, and their speech spews venom and acid. Most tragic is when they aver that they are speaking as a Christian or as an ambassador for Christ. People who witness their cold and brutal attacks are left to assume that such is what constitutes Christianity. Repulsed, the world violently turns away and vehemently reacts against any and all efforts to teach even difficult and sensitive subjects the world is prone to reject.
James unapologetically condemns such careless slapdash strikes! He says, “Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so” (James 3:5-10). Before loading up and taking aim at someone, may we consider the eternal implications of it. Thankfully, such assassins can be reformed and retrained through remorse and repentance. May it be!
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