Tag: conversation

Are You Listening?

Carl Pollard

How good a listener are you? 

Studies have shown that the average person thinks about four times faster than they talk. This can be a blessing, or a curse. Chances are, when it comes to listening to others, you may struggle to pay attention. 

Research suggests that in a single day, you will hear around 20-30,000 words. But of those 30,000 words, you will only remember about 17 percent. Let me illustrate. Last week my sermon was 2,779 words. The chances of someone remembering what it was about are slim. I’d be blown away if they could tell me 15 percent of what I said! 

With all the words we hear in a day, we get to decide what we will remember, and what we will let in one ear and out the other. The power of listening, what problems could be solved if we put our focus on listening to those around us. Most people listen to respond, rather than be an objective listener. Have you ever heard of effective listening? This is a skill that takes practice and effort to achieve. A person that hasn’t worked to develop good listening skills is likely to understand and retain only about 50 percent of any conversation, and that is immediately after the conversation. 48 hours later, average retention drops to less than 25 percent. 

Here’s the difference, I know you can think of conversations you’ve had with your spouse, children, or a friend. Maybe it was last month, last year, or 10 years ago, but you still remember every word. Why is that? Because you were being an effective listener in that moment. Whether it was good news, or bad news, you remember because you were truly listening. Most of our conversations fly by and we are on auto pilot, or trying to make conversation, or preoccupied. 

The Power of Listening.

Our relationships would be so healthy if we practiced good listening to those we love. Healthy relationships are built on communication, and a vital part of good communication is listening. You get the point, but I hope you are listening when I say this…It is no different with God. We’ve got to tune out the distractions, and listen to our God. Satan would love nothing more than for you to tune out God. 

He would love for your life to be so busy and hectic that you fail to remember your Father above. The words around us shape who we become. Studies have shown, 85 percent of what you know and who you are as a human being comes directly from the words of your parents, teachers, spouses, and friends. 

Don’t leave God’s Word out of that equation. 

Let His words transform and shape you. But in order for this to happen, we’ve GOT to listen! Imagine being in a noisy room, filled with the sounds of laughter, talking, music, and glasses clinking. And above the noise you hear the sound of a familiar voice calling your name. They’re trying to tell you something, so what do you do? You tune everything out, and focus in on their voice. 

We live in a noisy world, and it is a world that God is trying to call us out of. The only way you’ll hear Him is if you tune out the distractions and focus on His voice. In John 10:27, Jesus says, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” How can we be called Christians if we don’t listen to our Savior? The power of listening can be seen through the fact that we found salvation through hearing the word of God! “So faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God” (Rom. 10:17).  

Are you listening? Focus on God through the chaos, and you will find peace and joy through it all!

The Art Of Conversation

Neal Pollard

With conversation, when both are active listeners, you are exchanging ideas. Along with this, there’s body language and tone of voice which give clues to what the words mean to the speaker. You negotiate, reason, affirm or deny, and continue through these patterns while discussing any number of subjects. This process is invaluable to building relationships, working together, and even evangelism. For all its advantages, social media lacks almost all of those dimensions.

MIT professor and psychologist Sherry Turkle, in the book Reclaiming Conversation (New York: Penguin, 2015), makes the case that we are talking more than ever but we’ve lost the art of conversation.  Turkle observes, “From the early days, I saw that computers offer the illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship and then, as the programs got really good, the illusion of friendship without the demands of intimacy” (7).  What demands? Paying attention, building trust, having empathy, and giving thoughtful responses (as opposed to rude, reckless ones). 

I’m not trying to militate against the use of social media platforms, texting, or emailing. But the more we gravitate toward those to do our “communicating,” the less we successfully navigate the more difficult, yet more rewarding, art of conversation.

When we read the Bible, we are struck–from beginning to end–with the pervasive importance of dialogue and conversation. From Genesis one, where we read the Godhead’s conversation, “Let us make man…,” to Jesus’ conversation with John in Revelation 22, conversation is indispensable. Not only did God create interpersonal relationships and the vehicle of conversation to build them, but He models it throughout the pages of Scripture.

This article seeks to inform, teach, and even persuade, but it is only one dimension of communication. One might argue that other forms of communication are not only necessary, but in many cases will be more effective. The snippets and soundbites of social media postings, much more condensed and lacking context, while being pithy and thought-provoking, are no substitute for what happens face to face in the tension, hard work, and unpredictable dynamic of conversation. Conversation necessitates practice, attention, and mental engagement. 

From the dawn of time, God observed that it’s not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18). As suggested by the title of another book by Turkle, Alone Together, we find ourselves increasingly isolated from others and more ill-equipped for building real life relationships. The antidote to that is simple and so attainable.

Let’s engage people more. Let’s resort more to making real life connections and less to hiding behind screens. Let’s look for opportunities to do this with friends, acquaintances, and strangers. Let’s connect more in real life. As with anything, the more we practice the better we’ll get at it. 

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Photo credit: Michael Hite