Category: guilt

Handling Guilt

Cooper Dillingham

I want to talk about something that everyone has some experience with: guilt. I think it’s safe to say whether you’re a little kid sneaking cookies from the pantry, lying to a friend, or disappointing someone you care about, we’ve all felt guilt and shame. I know I’m not an exception. Not long ago, I went to a friend’s house. It was supposed to be a stay at home night with a few friends. At least that’s what I thought, and what my mom had signed off on. Little did my mom or I know, my friends had other plans in mind, and that chill night went out the window. I ended up driving around harmlessly with my friends. I ‘forgot’ to tell my mom that things had changed, or that I would even be leaving my friend’s house. I thought that if I acted normal it would be fine, and what my mom doesn’t know won’t hurt her, right?  But, I forgot about a minor detail. That little detail was that I had Life360 constantly giving my phone’s location to my mom. So, imagine her surprise when she looks at it, and sees me on the other side of the town when I was supposed to be at my friend’s house. I came home apologizing for breaking my mom’s trust, and lying to her. I learned my lesson, and luckily, my mom forgave me since it wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought it would be.

Sometimes in life we feel guilt or shame from our sins, and we think we  have wandered so far away from the path God wants us on that he’ll never take us back. But, God never gives up on you, and you can always get back on track. The first example that comes to mind is the parable of the Prodigal Son, which is found in Luke 15. We all know the story. The younger son wanted his inheritance early, which his father graciously granted him. It didn’t take long for the son to lose every last cent of his dad’s money, and he then found himself at a low point in his life. He had no choice but to go back home poor, dirty, and ashamed. He just knew his dad was going to be so mad at him, and if he was lucky, maybe his dad would let him come back as a servant . But look at verse 20 through 24 “And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.” You see the son made a lot of mistakes, but His biggest was underestimating the love his father had for him.

God has that same love for us, and Romans 5:8 reassures us of that, saying, “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Turn with me, also, to 1 John 4 verse 16  ”So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.“ God’s love for us is stronger than any mistake we could make. All that matters to God is that we trust him and are willing to follow his commandments.

When we take Christ on in baptism we are supposed to stop walking our own path and follow him.  If you disobey His commandments, you are denying Him, therefore you are separating yourself from him.  But, even though you may be temporarily lost, that does not mean you’ve lost your salvation. One great analogy that Hiram mentioned at a recent Bible study, was for us to imagine our Christian walk as a literal walk. Everyone starts in one place and with each step that you take forward you stay on the path of God. Many people think that when you disobey God’s word and you go off the path, that you’ve lost your salvation, and are away from God. What Hiram reminded us however, is much different. I was told that every wrong direction that we take in life is just us taking one step back. It isn’t getting off the path of Christianity, it’s just a slight mistake in this long walk of life. I know many times I’ve taken a step back in my faith.  In the  story of the prodigal son, he took several steps back and his father was still waiting for him to come home. Our Father waits for us too, just like my mom was waiting for me when I got home that night. 

Guilty Christians

Carl Pollard

Guilt is a struggle that many Christians deal with frequently in their walk with God. Those moments of weakness where we give in to sin often leads to guilt. In fact, we should have a godly guilt that leads to repentance (2 Cor. 7:10). But if we aren’t careful, guilt can hinder us from pursuing a relationship with God.

I John 1:7 is a reminder of our complete and total forgiveness in Christ, but it is conditioned on our willingness to walk in the Light. Walking in the light means scripture is our guide. It shapes our worldview, our behavior, our teaching, our relationships, and our faith. True Christian living takes letting Christ impact our daily lives. 

If, in this continual effort we fall short, Jesus’ blood continually removes sin and keeps our conscience clean before God. This does not mean that once we are saved, we’re always saved and can do nothing to fall from grace. Paul clearly states in Romans 6:1-2, “What, should we continue to sin that grace might grow? May it never be.” 

Others have gone to the other extreme and teach that one sin is enough to cause someone to fall from grace and walk in darkness. This is not what scripture teaches! As Christians we can have confidence in our salvation (Romans 8:1; Hebrews 4:16; Romans 8:38-39; John 3:16). The problem is teens and adults sing songs about crucifying Christ “every time they fail.” How do we expect to live guilt free if we are constantly worried that our relationship with God is in jeopardy? 

Several years ago when my faith was not mature and in need of growth, I had the mindset that I had to just hope for the best. That if I died it would be in a moment where I was in good standing with God. Sadly, you ask most Christians if they are going to be with God for eternity and the majority will answer with “I hope so.” There should be no doubt in our minds concerning our spiritual standing with God!

Guilt can be an effective tool that Satan uses on Christians, but we must also not be so willing to take advantage of God’s grace. 

As Gary Pollard so wisely once said, “Truth exists, as it usually does, in the middle of two extremes.” If our life is not characterized by sin but by genuinely seeking after God and following His word, the blood of Jesus continually cleanses us. Don’t let ungodly guilt keep you from learning and growing in Christ. 

The Glue Of Guilt

Tuesday’s Column: Dale Mail

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Dale Pollard

Samuel is nearing the end of his life by the time you read 1 Samuel 12. He gives a speech to all of Israel and there are several chilling statements that force us to consider our own spiritual standing. Samuel seeks the counsel of the Lord and asks Him on behalf of the people for an earthly king. God had established the Judges to rule them rather than a king which was typical for the time period. God grants their request, even though this kind of leadership was bound for failure. He handed Israel their shovel, and they began to dig. Here are some of Samuel’s final words. 

“Then Samuel called on the Lord, and that same day the Lord sent thunder and rain. So all the people stood in awe of the Lord and of Samuel. The people all said to Samuel, “Pray to the Lord your God for your servants so that we will not die, for we have added to all our other sins the evil of asking for a king.”“Do not be afraid,” Samuel replied. “You have done all this evil; yet do not turn away from the Lord, but serve the Lord with all your heart. Do not turn away after useless idols. They can do you no good, nor can they rescue you, because they are useless. For the sake of his great name the Lord will not reject his people, because the Lord was pleased to make you his own. As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right. But be sure to fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you. Yet if you persist in doing evil, both you and your king will perish” (18-25).

Here are five quick observations and practical truths based on Samuel’s speech. 

  1. We should never let our previous sins hold us back from pressing forward. Samuel tells the children of Israel not to let the evil in their recent past keep them down— but he doesn’t pretend as if they hadn’t sinned against God. 
  2. Samuel reminds the people that God is quick to forgive. 
  3. It’s interesting that Samuel says that his failure to pray for God’s people would be a sinful thing for him to do. 
  4. Samuel tells the people to fear the Lord AND remember what He’s done for them. God could have wiped them out. He clearly had the ability as he demonstrated His power over nature in the beginning of this section. 
  5. It was true for the children of Israel and it’s true for us today. If we persist in doing evil, we will perish. 

The Old Testament is filled with relevant applications for us today. Let’s learn from the past, and like Samuel said— let’s not let our past failures keep us from moving forward. 

Guilt Can Be a Positive

 

While feeding the cats this morning, two males got into a kerfuffle. I stuck my foot between the two moggie pugilists and gently but firmly sent them to their mutual corners.  One of the participants, the victim, decided to make himself scarce for a time. Meanwhile, the instigator continued chowing down. Enter my father. My siblings can attest that my dad can cut quite the intimidating figure. It seems apparent that even cats can appreciate this. Dad sternly stated the aggressor’s name and walked towards him. The feline perpetrator may be the alpha among the cats, but he slinked away from my father. The guilty glances he returned to my father said, “Yes, I did something I should not have done.” Even so, the guilty cat lacks the intellect to grow from having been caught in his transgression. 

Despite being human, there may be many persons able to identify with our mischievous cat. They may feel guilty when confronted with their sin, but they will not allow that discomfort to prompt restoration. Eventually, they will sufficiently recover to resume their everyday life. Hence, wrongdoers may view guilt as a wholly negative emotion, a pesky nuisance. Sadly, they might find validation from a few pop psychologists. I recall one Christian telling me that her therapist assured her that she would feel better if she would discard her pesky religious convictions. Despite what such pop psychologists have said in the past, this guilt can be a positive. The apostle Paul addresses this subject in his second epistle to the Corinthians. 

“For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.” (2 Corinthians 7.10 NASB1995) 

So, if you will permit me to anthropomorphize my cats further, my cat experienced worldly sorrow. This lack of godly sorrow means that the next time a similar situation confronts this male cat, he will fall back into the same behavior that earned his initial rebuke. 

Fortunately, God gave humans the propensity to experience sorrow according to His will. This sorrow can lead to repentance (2 Corinthians 7.8-9). No one enjoys being like Nathan, pointing the accusatory finger at a friend (cf. 2 Samuel 12.1-15), not even Paul.  Paul said that he initially regretted his role (2 Corinthians 7.8). However, such finger-pointers realize, like Paul, that inflicting momentary guilt leads to a restoration of another’s relationship with God. The only prerequisite for imposing godly sorrow upon another is to ensure your eye is free of beams while spotting specks in your brother’s eye (Matthew 7.3-5). 

We feel guilt for a reason. Guilt helps us understand that our actions have strained our relationship with God and others. As such, guilt causes us to preserve our connective bonds. When acknowledging we have wronged someone, we make amends to them. We will not allow the rift to continue or grow. Research also suggests that you may be more trustworthy if you are more prone to feel guilt (Emamzadeh). Such guilt-prone people are more reliable because they want to avoid the guilt that comes from strained relationships entirely.  Therefore, they will avoid situations imperiling a relationship. Just as a quick aside, we should not confuse shame with guilt either. Shame causes a person to see themselves as a failure rather than seeing a mistake that they can rectify with another. We all sin and fall short of God’s glory (Romans 3.23). So, we all have flaws. However, we can make sure that we do not purposely do anything disrupting our relationship with God and others. To that end, guilt can be a positive thing that though uncomfortable, leads to our refining in the fire. 

Work Cited 

Emamzadeh, Arash. “New Research Determines Who You Can Trust the Most.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 20 Sept. 2018, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-new-home/201809/new-research-determines-who-you-can-trust-the-most. 

 

David’s Year Away From God

Thursday’s Column: Carlnormous Comments

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Carl Pollard

 
“You’re the man” is what we say when someone comes through for us. It’s used as a compliment that helps us convey our gratitude. “You’re the man” means that the person you’re saying it to deserves to be praised for what they’ve done or will do. We find this same phrase in scripture, but it’s used in a completely different manner.
 
David was a man after God’s own heart, but he was still a man. He made mistakes and sometimes failed to live the way he should. There’s one instance in his life that we are all familiar with. 2 Samuel 11 records for us the time David committed adultery with Bathsheba and got her pregnant. In order to cover his tracks he had her husband killed. Chapter 11 ends with Bathsheba crying over her husband’s death, while David waits for her to get over it so he can move her into his house.
 
This chain of sins committed by David creates a rift in his relationship with God. The last phrase we read in chapter 11 is that “the things that David had done displeased the Lord.”
 
What I find interesting is that God doesn’t immediately punish David. He didn’t do anything when David first slept with her, He didn’t do anything when David killed her husband, and God didn’t punish him when he bore a son with Bathsheba. For what appears to be about a year, David seems to live without any consequences for his sins. But this lack of immediate punishment didn’t mean that God was overlooking David’s sin. Rather, God had a plan that we read of in chapter 12.
 
David found himself in a place that he wasn’t normally in. For a year he wasn’t a man after God’s own heart, but his own heart. For 12 months David didn’t walk with God, rather, he walked away. For 365 days David was no longer a friend of God, he was an enemy. Think about what was going through his head. He had sinned, and he knew it. After David spends a year living with the sin he had committed, God comes to him with a message. It is a message that is summarized with only four words: “YOU ARE THE MAN.”
 
From 2 Sam. 11:27-12:1, there seems to be a gap of about 12 months, a time where nothing is said about the sin David just committed. Just because nothing was said doesn’t mean everything was normal. After the awful sins David committed, God was silent. Why? I believe it was for two reasons:
 
  1. So that David could think on his sinful actions. Think about what was going on in his head. He had to live with the guilt of sleeping with another man’s wife and then killing her husband in secret. Every time David looked into the eyes of Bathsheba he was reminded. No one knew except David and Joab (the one David used to get Uriah killed in battle). After the sins were committed, David was left to think about his sin and David knew that God knew. He lived for a year knowing that God didn’t approve and was angry with him. God was silent so that the noise in David’s head could be heard.
  2. So that David would truly feel and experience the burden of his actions. Psalm 32 and 51 were both written after David had confessed his sin, but he writes about what his life was like (Psa. 32:3-4; 51:12). David was eaten up with guilt. He carried a weight that was destroying him and his life was void of hope and joy. God was silent so that David could think about what he had done and so that he could feel the weight of his sinful actions.
 
David chose to ignore his sin for a year, but that year was a time filled with stress and guilt. We can either fix the sin, or ignore it and face the consequences. If we ignore it and take God’s silence as a lack of punishment we WILL face the punishment that is promised on those who live in sin. We must choose the first course of action. 

The Prodigal Cat 

Friday’s Column: Brent’s Biblical Bytes

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Brent Pollard

Our beloved cat, June-bug, returned home recently. He had been absent for over a year. We assumed he was dead. Yet, the “power of love” drew him back to the house. Oh, no, it was not his love for us. He could sense a female that has entered estrus. And that is why he is back. Will he stick around? We shall see. However, I cannot help but notice the toll his “prodigal living” has had on him in the interim. Before his departure, he began having irritation in his left eye. It wept a lot. It would sometimes seal his eye shut. He now looks like a human with ptosis (i.e., drooping eyelid). Frankly, that is how I was able to identify him since his coat is darker and matted.  

Otherwise, he seems as if he has eaten well. He was always a good hunter. The earlier generations of cats that took up with us were better hunters. These newer cats have become so accustomed to humans providing food that I wonder how well they would fare if on their own. The saddest part of June-bug’s return is noting how feral he has become. Previously, June-bug liked when we pet him. Now, he will not come near us, despite acting as if he still faintly recalls us. 

Have you ever encountered a brother or sister now living prodigally? It can be heartbreaking, correct? Sometimes the toll sin has had upon them is obvious. Hard-living might make them look haggard and aged beyond their years. The Bible paints this picture as well. What happened to the “original” prodigal? Given his hunger, we might infer he had become gaunt. He was so desperate that he was willing to eat pig slop (Luke 15.14-16). His poverty likely reduced his apparel to rags. What sight must he have presented to the awaiting father?  

And what does Solomon elsewhere say of the drunkard?  

“Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaining? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? Those who linger long over wine, Those who go to taste mixed wine.” (Proverbs 23.29-30 NASB1995) 

“Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, And whoever is intoxicated by it is not wise.” (Proverbs 20.1 NASB1995) 

Yes, sin can often devastate on this side of eternity as well. Things like substance abuse will alter a person’s demeanor, cause them to injure themselves while in a stupor, or pick fights with others.  

Beyond the physical difficulties encountered because of sin, we must likewise consider the psychological toll, particularly guilt. The psalmist refers to a sinner’s inability to stand within the assembly of the righteous (Psalm 1.5). While their lifestyle would strip them of their desire to be within the Christian community, their guilt would not permit them to endure such association for long. Seeing others striving to walk in the Light(1 John 1.7) would remind them from whence they had fallen.  

Yes, a prodigal can be a sad sight to beyond, whether a cat or especially a human being. The Father shows us how to treat those humans who have strayed. Once they have repented, we show them love and acceptance (Luke 15.20-24). It is the extension of the same grace we would all hope to receive under similar circumstances. It is not our place to punish the erring brother or sister for the time they have wasted in the far country of sin. We need to create a pleasant home environment in which they will desire to remain. Then we can all enter into the joys of our Master.  

When You Need To Let Go

Wednesday’s Column: Third’s Words

Gary III

Gary Pollard

Today was a momentous and somber day for me: I am now bald. After removing my hat – a constant companion – I saw that the battle was lost and shaved my head. ‘Twas a truly humbling moment; I now understand what the greatest youth minister of all time – Brett Petrillo – felt when he, too, bid a final farewell to his hair. We never know what we have until it is but a wishful yearning for yesteryear.
Being a minister in a family of ministers, I must allegorize this milestone before the tombstone. I fought to keep something that was not only lost, but that should have been let go long before now. Instead of seeing the writing on the wall I thought, “Maybe I can keep it.” Or, “Maybe no one will notice.” Or, “Maybe I can make it seem like something it isn’t.”
We do this a lot in our spiritual lives, too. We might hold onto grudges, bad attitudes, sin problems, past hurts, pet peeves, or guilt. Holding onto these is hopeless and counterproductive.
Are we holding onto a grudge? Jesus said in Matthew 5.23, 24, that we shouldn’t even worship if we have something against a brother/sister or if they have something against us. Matthew six tells us that forgiving others is a condition of receiving forgiveness.
Are we nursing a bad attitude? Paul, writing to Euodia and Syntyche in Philippians 4, addressed their attitude problem bluntly. The first part of chapter two commands them to embody traits such as encouragement, consolation, affection, and compassion. He gives an example of the selflessness of Jesus – something driven by His attitude. He put others above Himself, even though He didn’t have to. In Philippians 2.12, Paul even states that attitude can determine where we will spend eternity! If we have a bad attitude, we need to shave it.
What about guilt? Perhaps nothing is so tragically difficult to let go of as guilt. Sometimes guilt is necessary to help us see our faults and seek forgiveness. Just as often, if not more so, guilt is a weight that holds us back from spiritual growth. We must understand, internalize, and have gratitude for the gift of grace. The whole purpose of Jesus’ sacrifice was to give us grace and access to God. I John makes it very clear that a forgiven Christian who continues to live his/her imperfect life in pursuit of God is perfect in His eyes. If guilt while under grace is present and weighing us down, we need to shave it. It is one of Satan’s most powerful weapons against the Christian. It will hamstring any effort we make to grow spiritually, as our minds focus more on our past than on our infinitely more important future.
Certainly more could be said on the subject but while we have some time on our hands, we might do a little introspection and see what we can let go of. It will be uncomfortable, it will be uncertain, and it will be worth the effort. Shaving what we needn’t hold onto will not only bring greater joy, it will also bring a healthier relationship with God and our Christian family.
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WHEN YOU FEEL WEIGHED DOWN

Neal Pollard

Mark and Derek Noel have an incredible story.  Mark, the dad, thinks he weighed 460 pounds at his heaviest, though he couldn’t find scales that could weigh him. He talks about the depression, the shame, even the claustrophobia of being that size. He learned that he had a food addiction.  Today, he weighs 220 pounds and his son has also lost an incredible amount of weight. There’s still a mental struggle there, but through food journaling, exercise, and, above all, a desire to live, Mark is winning that battle (Megan Messerly, Las Vegas Sun, 10/19/15).

There are a great many people who can relate to the struggle and some who know the success of a story like theirs. A lot of people have eaten themselves into such a state of being, and most people struggle with self-control and wise decisions concerning food especially where it is abundant and easily accessible. I imagine few of those who get themselves into such a state are happy with the results.

There is something weighing on people in a far greater way than this, though.  It can happen in the midst of drought and famine. It is not exclusively a “first-world problem.”  Sin is a universal burden (Rom. 3:23).  The writer of Hebrews even describes it this way. He says, “Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us” (Heb. 12:1). David wrote, “For my iniquities have gone over my head; Like a heavy burden they are too heavy for me” (Psa. 38:4).

Sometimes, when people are discussing the sin struggles they are coping with, they say, “I just feel weighed down.”  They are describing the effects of guilt and unhappiness, a disappointment and self-loathing produced by a conscience all too aware of the persistent reality of sin.  But, instead of addressing the problem, too many try to work it out on their own and never leave the vicious cycle of serving sin. Paul says the ultimate outcome of this approach is death (Rom. 6:23; cf. Jas. 1:15). What can you do when you feel weighed down?

  • Be Determined. One older song begins, “I am resolved no longer to linger.” The Prodigal Son said, “I will arise and go to my father and will say” (Luke 15:18). The journey home begins with making up your mind that you need to go.
  • Be Dependent. The Prodigal Son looked at the conditions at home and saw his need of the father. He says “my father’s” (Luke 15:17), “my father” (18), “Father” (18), “his father” (20), “Father” (21). The father was able to solve the problem and lift the burden.  The son simply had to swallow his pride and go to his father.
  • Be Decisive. The boy took action.  His resolve led to his return. He went from wanting to walking. As the rest of the parable reveals, the boy didn’t regret his decision.  There was celebration and reward in coming home.  Contrast that with the burden of staying in sin.

It’s very possible that you find yourself weighed down.  What good reason can you give for staying in that condition? Wouldn’t you rather lose the weight? I know you’ll feel better if you do!

“1796 Nov 23 O fatal day”

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Neal Pollard

Those few words were written, “evidently scratched with a diamond ring, one of the tiny window panes” of a quaint abode called “Audrey’s House” in Williamsburg, Virginia (Lee, 78-79).  At the time of the inscription, the house was owned by Miss Mary Johnston.  Records of the time reveal no catastrophe or newsworthy event in that colonial community, leaving researchers to believe “the tragedy must have been one of the heart–a personal incident and not one of public significance” (ibid.).

Many of us carry dates around in our hearts.  The dates may not coincide with any national or global holidays or occurrences.  Even if they do, the date may derive its meaning with us for a personal reason unconnected with the larger significance.  It may be a day you remember because of something bad or harmful you did.  It may be a day you lost someone dear to you.  Somehow, our darkest days remain in our personal halls of remembrance.

There are other dates that we recall with perfect clarity, dates still personal but recalled with fondness–the day we met or married our mate, the days our children were born, or the day we became a Christian.  We cherish these days and some of them we observe with gifts and parties.  Certainly, we would call none of these “fatal,” but they may be etched within us all the same.

What days stick out in your mind?  Are you letting the “dark days” cast a cloud over your present, keeping you from serving the Lord like you should?  Are you a prisoner of the unpleasant part of your past?  Why not break with the past, forgiven sins, and focus on the spiritual road ahead of you?  Trust in the power of God to give what is needed, whether forgiveness, healing, strength, or assurance.  Erase those etched in memories that prevent your service to Christ, and seek His help to overcome your tragedies of the heart!