Tag: neglect

Love=Help

Gary Pollard

At least in my lifetime, no period has been as uncertain and tense as the current one. We have no idea what will happen in the next few months. We’re not 100% confident that society will be at peace this time next year. Hatred, as defined in the New Testament, is already rearing its ugly head and will likely only grow exponentially in the coming months.  

If you’re reading this article, you’re probably a believer. First and foremost, we are not citizens of any country in this world. We have to be peaceful, beneficial citizens in whichever country we live, but we’re non-resident aliens regardless. We’re visiting for one purpose: to show the world how Jesus loves. 

John defines hatred and love very clearly in I John 3. Hatred (from μισει, misei) is not always defined as “harboring extreme resentment toward others”. Sometimes we catch ourselves before using the word “hate” to describe how we feel about someone, replacing it with “strongly dislike”. That’s still hatred, at least the way John uses the word. It seems to mean, in the context of I John, something like “not helping someone with their physical needs because of how we feel about them”. It means showing beneficial kindness to the brothers and sisters we like to the neglect of those we don’t. 

BDAG uses Deuteronomy 21.15-16 as an example of how this word could be understood. In that passage, a man has two wives. He likes one wife more than the other one, and he has sons with both wives. The oldest son happens to be from the wife he doesn’t like as much. When it’s time to divide his assets among his children, he can’t give the rights of the firstborn to the son of the wife he likes more. Does this mean he “hates” his other wife? No — it just means he doesn’t like her as much as the other one, and he’s tempted to treat his firstborn with less favor because of it. 

The first part of I John 3 is all about not sinning and not hating our fellow believers. The second part is about practicing love for each other. The last part is about belonging to the truth and living in God. Sandwiched between these concepts is the definition of love and hatred: 

We understand what love is when we realize that Christ gave his life for us. That means we must give our lives for other believers. Now, suppose a person has enough to live on and notices another believer in need. How can God’s love be in that person if he doesn’t bother to help the other believer? Dear children, we must show love through actions that are sincere, not through empty words.

We don’t have to feel “strong dislike” for a believer to be considered hateful. We just have to neglect them because we don’t like them. Here’s the problem with that: Everyone who hates another believer is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life (3.15). 

We don’t know what the next few months will do to us. But we cannot mistreat or neglect a fellow believer because of how we feel about them. If we practice love, we have eternal life. If we practice apathy or neglect, we’ll have eternal death. What happens to us in this life is not important. We’re just waiting for Jesus to come back. If we want to leave this earth with him, we can’t let something temporal keep us from showing beneficial kindness to our fellow believers. 

A Story With Many Points

Neal Pollard

Several years ago, when preaching in Virginia, I spoke with a sweet, 69-year-old woman who had watched our TV program and wanted to speak to me. During the course of our visit, she told me a story I will never forget. Tearfully, she told me of her 14-year-old grandson, Matthew, who locked himself in his room, took a pistol, put it in his mouth, and pulled the trigger. He was rushed to MCV Hospital in Richmond. He survived, but the bullet was permanently lodged in his sinus cavity and he was in constant, relentless pain. The greatest pain, however, was not physical. It was emotional and spiritual. Matthew’s mother and father routinely flew to Las Vegas to gamble, dumping him off with anyone who would take him. They might win a few thousand dollars on some trips, but they invariably lost their winnings and then some. The father had told the son, not long before his suicide attempt, “I wish I’d never set eyes on you!” The boy had told his grandmother, “Nobody loves me.” He had also told her, “I want somebody to take me to church.” When she offered, he said, “I want my daddy to come and sit beside me.” This dear elderly woman lamented that he grandson’s parents never showed Matthew love and affection. In the wake of that, a young man with most of life before him, could not bear the thought of continuing one more day in such a topsy, turvy, loveless circumstance.

I felt a flood of emotions: Pity, for the boy; Anger, for the parents; Sympathy, for the grandmother. Upon reflection, there are several lessons to be learned from Matthew’s plight.

  • Bad decisions often carry awful consequences. Matthew learned this by the single squeeze of a trigger. If the parents weren’t past feeling, they might see the connection between their selfishness and his anguish. Galatians 6:7-8.
  • Sin destroys a proper sense of priorities. The parents were, in the grandmother’s estimation, greedy and selfish. They put themselves above their responsibility to their son. They made it clear they loved money (cf. 1 Tim. 6:10), and they made it clear they did not love their own boy (cf. Eph. 6:4).
  • Homes without love crumble. “The wicked are overthrown and are no more, but the house of the righteous will stand” (Prov. 12:7; cf. 14:11). How our homes need to be filled with love! Without it, how many children will feel like Matthew did?
  • Parents have a vital role to play in the spiritual development of their children. What did Matthew want? His daddy seated next to him “in church.” Was that too much to ask? He was hungry for spiritual guidance from his parents. What a challenge! How are we preparing our children in spiritual matters?

There are too many young Matthews, empty inside, unsupported, unloved, and unaided. What condition is our home in? Is sin in the way? We should be careful how we walk in front of our children (cf. Eph. 5:15). We want them to do more than value their physical life. We want them to pursue and gain eternal life! May God bless us in that needed pursuit.

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