Carl Pollard
Have you ever waved at someone you know and they didn’t wave back? What conclusion did you jump to? Probably something like, they’re upset with me. We do that all the time. We see a look, hear a tone, notice a decision, and instantly attach meaning to it. We don’t just observe what someone does, we assign motives. Then we start treating those motives like facts.
That’s dangerous, because most relationship damage doesn’t come from what people actually do. It comes from what we decide they meant.
Jesus said in John 7:24, “Don’t judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.” He didn’t remove judgment altogether. He corrected it. There’s a right way to evaluate and a wrong way. Assuming motives we don’t know falls into the wrong category.
In 1 Samuel 16, Samuel saw Eliab and immediately thought, “Surely the Lord’s anointed is before Him.” Eliab looked the part. He seemed strong, impressive, kingly. But God said, “Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” Samuel almost chose the wrong man because he based his conclusion on what he could see. We do the same thing! We speak confidently about hearts God hasn’t revealed. When we claim to know motives, we step into territory that belongs to God alone.
It gets worse. Once we assume the worst, we start building a case in our minds. In Mark 2, when Jesus forgave a man’s sins, the scribes immediately concluded He was blaspheming. They didn’t ask questions. They didn’t investigate. They decided. That still happens today. One action becomes a pattern. One moment becomes a label. We create a version of someone in our minds that isn’t even real.
And a lot of times, we’re not reading people accurately at all. We’re reading them through our own wounds, insecurities, and past experiences. Joseph’s brothers did this in Genesis 50. Even after Joseph had forgiven them, they assumed he’d finally take revenge. Their guilt shaped their interpretation.
That kind of thinking hurts the church. Colossians 3:13 says we’re to bear with one another and forgive one another. Love gives space. Love shows patience. Love doesn’t default to suspicion. First Corinthians 13:7 says love “believes all things” and “hopes all things.” That doesn’t mean love is naive. It means love won’t rush to the worst conclusion.
Before you decide what someone meant, pause. Ask, Do I know this, or am I assuming? God knows the worst about us and still offers grace. We ought to show that same grace to others.
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