Tag: anger

Overcoming Bitterness

Neal Pollard

“Where was God when my child was killed by a drunk driver?” “I’ll never forgive brother Jones for that time he… He’s a big hypocrite!” “It’s not fair what they did to me. I hope they get theirs!” Persons raising clenched fists or pointed fingers and growling through gritting teeth epitomize that common, though unattractive, display of bitterness. Sadly, bitterness is not a disease confined to the alien sinner. Christians in crisis, dejected elders and preachers, and offended brethren are not immune to that sourness of spirit.

What, exactly, is BITTERNESS? Eadie says,

It is a figurative term denoting that fretted and irritable state of mind that keeps a man in perpetual animosity — that inclines him to harsh and uncharitable opinions of men and things — that makes him sour, crabby and repulsive in his general demeanor — that brings a scowl over his face and infuses venom into the words of his tongue (Rienecker, 534).

In motion, bitterness is a deadly snake. In result, it stings both predator and prey. In fruit, it is destructive. In category, it is sin! Ephesians 4:31, in part, reads, “Let all bitterness … be put away from you…” One source says of bitterness in this verse, “Bitterness is the opposite not only of sweetness but of kindness. It is the spite that harbors resentment and keeps a score of wrongs. Aristotle defined those who display it as ‘hard to be reconciled'” (The Expositor’s Bible Commentary, 11:65).

Paul says such an attitude must be destroyed. It is to be replaced by the sweet, savory, Christian characteristics like kindness, tenderheartedness and forgiveness (Eph. 4:32). If ever one had cause to be bitter, surely the crucified Lord did. But he offered a prayer asking for the Father to forgive the spike-driving and ridicule-hurling sinners who placed him in such an agonizing position (Luke 23:34).

How can we overcome bitterness? First, by obeying God’s Word. Explicitly, New Testament writers warn Christians against bitter thoughts and behavior (Col. 3:19; Heb. 12:15; Rom. 3:14). Second, by imitating the forgiving attitude of Jesus (Eph. 1:7). Third, by crowding out angry and festering thoughts, replacing them with praiseworthy and virtuous thoughts (cf. Phi. 4:8). Fourth, by praying for those against whom you feel bitter (cf. Mat. 5:44).

Christians must not willfully harbor feelings of anger and resentment. Such produces hearts easily offended and easily provoked (cf. 1 Cor. 13:5). Bitterness is defeated by a perpetually cheerful and thankful heart. Everyone has problems. Yet, as John Henry Miller once said, “Circumstances and situations do color life, but you have been given the mind to choose what the color shall be.” As Paul wrote, “Let all bitterness be put away from you.”

HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE

Neal Pollard

Several have made the observation that hurt people are inclined to hurt people.  I have been told that by others to explain mean, hurtful, rude, and inappropriate remarks.  Yet, since everyone experiences significant hurt (so the Holy Spirit said through Job in Job 14:1), why doesn’t everyone lash out and wound others as they suffer from their own and various “injuries”?  Why do others, including those claiming to be Christians, seem inclined to injure others with especially their speech? It is good to get some perspective and not take personally the times someone cuts and slashes us or we witness a hurt person hurting someone else.  While it never excuses bad behavior, it does help to understand it better.  However, what can we say to the hurtful hurt person?

  • Take your hurts to God’s throne.  He is perfect and perfectly impartial (Acts 10:34-35).  He also has all the facts and all the answers.  He can help our life’s situations better than anyone else.  Let Him help you bear the load.
  • Don’t allow your pain to injure your influence or your spirituality.  It is possible for us to earn a reputation as sarcastic, biting, mean-spirited, passive-aggressive, critical, etc.  Yet, we never want to do anything that threatens to douse our Christian lights.
  • Find healthy ways to work through the hurt.  Prayer has already been mentioned.  Loving, spiritual confrontation is another (cf. Gal. 6:1; Mat. 18:15ff). Part of healthy coping is avoiding the unhealthy.
  • Focus intently on the spirit of the “Golden Rule.”  Be sure that you would want said to you what you are tempted to say or if you’d want it said in the way you’re going to say it before you let it fly.  It requires tremendous self-awareness and self-examination to successfully do this, but it can make all the difference.
  • Try to move from hypersensitivity to genuine concern for others.  We cannot keep our feelings on our sleeves and keep a record of wrongs done to us. It’s not loving (1 Co. 13:5).  What is loving is to work to look out for the interest of others (Phi. 2:4).
  • Measure the impact of your words before you say them.  You cannot unsay things, so think it through first!  The late Marshal Keeble once said, “Before we speak, we must chew our words and taste them and see if they are pleasant words.”  If not, swallow them!

Since “death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Pro. 18:21), we must make the choice to say words that heal rather than kill, that restore and do not demolish.  We should never wish to contribute to another’s struggle to walk in the light or get to heaven, and we must consider how our words either encourage or discourage.  If hurt people hurt people, what do saved people do?

 

Temper And Tongue

Neal Pollard

Without wading into the waters of political correctness or questioning motives, Donald Sterling can blame his temper as much as his girlfriend’s surreptitious audio recording.  He joins an infinitely long line of those whose unrestrained anger has cost them much more than they anticipated.  While most people will not pay the earthly price Sterling appears destined to pay, so many have permanently damaged relationships and paid with their souls for failing to conquer temper and tongue.

James clearly sets forth God’s view on the matter.  “The tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity” (3:6). “It defiles the whole body” (3:6). “It is set on fire by hell” (3:6). “It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison” (3:8). It can reveal hypocrisy at a disgusting level (3:9-12).  James’ words are so convicting, yet, having privy to them, we still stumble with our speech.

I have seen the untamed tongue, so often fueled by anger and even rage, tear churches apart.  But, what has it done in the lives of individual members of those congregations?  Certainly, we think of it as characteristic of those outside the body of Christ, but so often it ignites deadly fires in Christians’ lives.

If I am honest with myself, I should be more concerned with the spiritual impact my tongue has on my soul than other deeds of the flesh.  There are so many ways for me to stumble over my tongue—gossip, lying, outbursts of anger, wrath, deception, filthy or suggestive speech, greed, and just about every outlet of sin seems to intersect with the misuse of the tongue!

James speaks to our hearts when he says, “My brethren, these things ought not so to be” (3:10).  Can I comprehend the impact that has on my soul, not just yours?  Rather than counting up ways you offend me with your tongue, may I have the humility and honesty to examine my use of my tongue and see how it might be hurting you and, even more importantly, hurting Almighty God!  Lord, help us see the power of the tongue.

Have You Upgraded?

 

Neal Pollard

A seat in coach may look fine until you see the people in first class with their seats that lay flat, who get chef-catered meals, and the like. That cell phone is adequate, but then you see the newest, smartest one on the market.  It can be the difference between the GM beater and that brand new Gallardo. Most people, given the choice and especially if changing is advantageous, would choose the new over the old.  Spiritually, that is definitely  the choice to make–old man to new man (Eph. 4:22-24).  But have you made the upgrade? Here are five tests to take to determine this.

Your Talk (Eph 4:25). Lay aside falsehood and speak truth to your neighbor because you care about him or her.  How is your speech–deceptive, half-true, distorted, manipulative? Or are you transparent and truthful?

Your Temper (Eph 4:26). This does not mean free of anger, but it does mean a self-control that keeps anger from becoming sinful and wrathful. How is your temper–short, hot? Or are you calm and patient?

Your Tempter (Eph 4:27).  Everyone has the same tempter.  He is prowling and waiting for a way into our lives.  Are you giving him opportunity or preventing such?

Your Trustworthiness (Eph 4:28). The contrast here is between stealing and honest labor, not taking but finding a way to give to the one in need.  Do you earn or destroy trust?

Your Tastefulness (Eph 4:29). Paul has already addressed speech, but this is not about honesty or dishonesty.  This is about wholesome words and strengthening speech, that which is timely, uplifting, and gracious.  Are we savory salt or “poison” (Js. 3:8)?

Whatever you get, buy, or are given in this world, make sure you get that upgrade!  Throw out the old!  Pursue the new!