Three Things That Will Rebuild Healthy Communication

Neal Pollard

In 2024, Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist and professor at NYU, wrote The Anxious Generation: How The Great Rewiring Of Childhood Is Causing An Epidemic Of Mental Illness. While the book is written from a secular, evolutionary world view, it is incredibly insightful and masterfully observant of an extremely troublesome transformation many of us see happening in our world. An entire generation has reached maturity having known and used only smartphones and tablets, consuming the readily available and easily accessible contents of their virtual smorgasbord. This has radically reformed communication at the most basic levels.

Haidt points to four epidemic issues accompanying the mass retreat into the virtual world of a phone-based (versus real life) communication. Online communication is characterized by :

• Being asynchronous–Not in real-time; Delayed (Building anxiety as one wonders why the other is silent or non-responsive)
• Lack of embodied signals–Emojis and likes instead of facial expressions and body language (an inadequate substitution)
• Performative interaction–Posts that perform, project perfection, and are artificial instead of honest, genuine intimacy.
• Social comparison–Interaction built on comparison which devastates one’s own self-esteem and self-worth

In so many cases, we have lost the ability to communicate and build authentic relationships “here in the real world.” What Haidt suggests for Gen Z will actually help us all, from the oldest living generation down. This technological world, with all its benefits, has assaulted our communication skills.

Practice Face-To-Face Communication. Opt for the face-to-face, or at least the phone call, rather than relying on chats, text messages, and other communication that is not occurring in real time. Think of how much of what God has created us for in this world requires real-time interaction–evangelism, worship, marriage, childrearing, friendship, correction, etc. Biblical passages and principles assume the give and take of people in the same space talking and listening to each other. As the One who made us, He knows how we best operate (Eph. 4:29).

Put Away The Phone. It is simple and seems like eminently common sense, but because our phones are addictive (Haidt and others provide crushingly incontrovertible proof) we lean on them like crutches. Real-time, real connection requires full presence and complete attention to the person in front of us. Conversation and communication can be difficult and requires intentionality, at best, and the massive distraction of our devices fairly cripples our ability to courteously, thoughtfully value the one with whom we’re interacting.

Postpone Online Responses. My wife enacted a policy several years ago to answer social media messages only once per day, early each morning. Her logic is that before the advent of the internet, people had to wait for returned phone calls, snail mail letters, and face-to-face conversation. We’ve become such instant gratification junkies, wanting and needing to stay connected constantly. Ironically, we tend and nurture these virtual communications to the neglect of people we know well in our everyday lives. Do we have to answer those texts (all 50 of them) this very minute? Or can (should) it wait?

Internet technology in all its forms has become such a helpful aid in so many instances. But as with every blessing, Satan stands ready to use it to undermine relationships, destroy community and civility, and wield it to wreak havoc on our mental, social, and spiritual health. Perhaps investing in a bit of old-fashioned, real-life communication skills can help us stem the tide of our massive crisis in connection.